Social Question

AskZilla's avatar

Is it normal for women to get upset if you think they're pregnant, but they're just obese?

Asked by AskZilla (127 points ) September 4th, 2012

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32 Answers

josie's avatar

Probably. I have seen that mistake made more than once, and it isn’t pretty.

chyna's avatar

Yes. A woman in my office had gained weight, was not obese in the least and a man in the office asked when she was due thinking she was pregnant. This was a man that was overweight himself.

jca's avatar

This happened to a good friend of mine, who was heavy and more top heavy than in the hips. I don’t think she expressed upset to the person who asked, but she told me the question bothered her. It’s for this reason that I would most likely not ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

Crumpet's avatar

Yeah it is, but I’m also guessing the person who asked will also feel mortified after finding out she’s not. That’s why I would never ask a girl if she was pregnant, unless she was about 7 months gone with twins!

Judi's avatar

Well… Of course!!! Shees. Nothing more humiliating!

Aethelflaed's avatar

Of course!!

SuperMouse's avatar

I think it is normal. It is a way of telling a woman that she is large. Most people would take offense to that. I know I would be mortified if someone said that to me.

hug_of_war's avatar

I don’t know what kind of question this is. I can’t believe you are actually ignorant of the answer and exercising your curiousity.

boxer3's avatar

If someone says to a woman oh when are you due, and said woman is not pregnant….I think its safe to assume that said woman would be insulted as that question quickly translates into an observation and pointing out that this woman is likely obese,or put on some weight which is generally an insecurity for a lot of people.

jca's avatar

What @hug_of_war said.

Brian1946's avatar

I would say that it is.

However, it’s perfectly okay to ask Chris Christie or Rush Limbaugh if they’re preggo. ;-)

Sunny2's avatar

Is it better than asking if they’ve gained all that weight on purpose. Or what is their weight goal? I believe that asking personal questions like that is rude, at best and everyone should know that. Disdain, anger, affront, disbelief, weeping and wailing are among the reactions to be expected, plus an occasional spit in the eye or kick in the shins.

El_Cadejo's avatar

This is why I will NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant. I always wait to be told by them. I’d feel horrible if I made that mistake.

zenvelo's avatar

One should NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant, NEVER, even if she is dilated 5 cms and starting to push. It is in the top two of worst questions to ask a woman (the other is “are you gaining weight?”).

Aethelflaed's avatar

I once timidly asked a woman I was babysitting for if she was pregnant (based on more on her comments than her appearance). It was a terrifying three seconds, seeing my babysitting career flash before my eyes, until she said “yes! Oh my god, I thought I told you? Yes! You can breathe now.”

Adagio's avatar

I’ve only ever once asked someone if they were pregnant, I had not seen her for some time and noticed her stomach was rather more protruded than the last time I’d seen her, she was not bigger in other places and I assumed she was pregnant, it turns out she had just been diagnosed with fibroids , I was somewhat embarrassed but she was not, it was sad more than anything.

zensky's avatar

What a stupid question. Sorry, it just is.

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ucme's avatar

Err, do bears shit in the woods?

tedibear's avatar

Of course it is! Think about it, if a woman isn’t pregnant and you ask if she is, the implication is that she is overweight. In much of America (can’t speak for other places), if a woman is overweight, the only acceptable reason is pregnancy. So, if you ask that question, you’re implying that she is overweight and therefore, unacceptable. You might be genuinely curious, but at that point, it doesn’t matter. You have already raised the specter of “fat” in her mind.

A word to the wise – don’t ever ask that question unless you can relate your alleged curiosity to comments she has made about her own morning sickness, hiring a nanny, buying a crib for her new baby, etc. If you are dense enough to ask, and she says, “Why? Do I look fat?” you can say, “No! You look just right. I heard you talking about finding a daycare for the new baby and wondered if you were expecting.” But really, just don’t ask. It’s not your business and she’ll tell you if she wants you to know.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Is there any chance the asker was just being sociable and nice? Odds are they have a relative who is expecting and is a similar size. “Oh Brittney is due in June too.”

I made the mistake the other way. I guy I knew was obese. I’m guessing 300+ pounds 5’ 9” I didn’t see him for about a year. When I bumped into him again he was looking much thinner ~200 pounds. Me (with a smiling face) : ” Wow! You’re looking great ! I almost didn’t recognize you.!” You guessed it. His reply “I’ve been sick. ....”
Ugh…..
So now I never know whether or not I should compliment people who lose weight. Do I pretend that I didn’t notice ? Do I mention how great she looks?
Now, unless I know, I pretend I don’t notice a difference no matter how shocking. It could be weight loss from elective bariatric surgery or pancreatic cancer. I’m not asking.

jca's avatar

When my friend had the problem with the person asking her, I googled responses to rude questions or something like that. One I found from an advice columnist was “Why would you ask that?” So if someone asked “Are you pregnant?” and the person you asked asks you in response “Why would you ask that?” I’d advise to be ready with a response. The only truthful response I could see would be weight related, therefore, I say better not to bring up the topic at all.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Never never ask the weight question. 99.9 percent of the time it’s going to bite you in the ass.

ninja_man's avatar

Some rocks are better left unturned. This is one of them.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m gonna go with…. DUH.

“Why are you so cold? OMG, your penis is just that tiny naturally? My bad.”

Shippy's avatar

I reckon so, for the same reason you would?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

After taking a desk job, I gained some belly fat. It wasn’t until I became engaged several years later that I noticed co-workers lowering their gaze to my stomach area. The initial reaction was of mortification, and then I just had to laugh at it internally for assuming what they were thinking.

Whether women get upset by this question or not, the best rule of etiquette in this case is to say nothing until confirmed by the woman or her partner. And don’t look down.

Time to go do some sit-ups.

ninja_man's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer See, I am not sure that the partner should even confirm it unilaterally. It should be like a nuclear launch; you need both keys to drop that bomb!

OpryLeigh's avatar

I would imagine that is fairly normal, yes. Western society tends to frown on the larger figure and so I can imagine that people thinking you looked pregnant would be quite a blow to the self esteem. However, I have heard of people who decided to eat healthier a get fit after someone commented on their “pregnancy” so sometimes it take that type of innocent comment to make people take back control of their lifestyles and do something about the extra weight they may have gained.

Unless it is really, really obvious that a woman was pregnant I would never comment on this type of thing.

jca's avatar

I would also never comment unless the woman brings it up for another reason – I feel if she wants to discuss it with me, she will. If not, she doesn’t want to discuss it and that’s ok, that’s her right.

@Leanne1986 has a good point – sometimes it takes someone else’s innocent opinion to make you realize that it’s time for a change. I think it can become easy to look in the mirror and see one thing when reality is something different. All the time I look at women’s hairstyles that I think could be improved, and I think to myself that this woman obviously thinks she looks good, because she keeps this hair and meanwhile the hair is awful but of course, you can’t tell her that. I hope that if my hair ever looks bad, someone tells me! I don’t mean a “one shot” bad hair day, I mean an outdated style that’s not flattering.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@jca As my dad says “only your best friend will tell you if your breath smells”.

Whilst that’s not strictly true, your worst enemy could easily do it out of spite, his point is that sometimes we need people to be honest with us in order for us to change something that others are talking about behind our backs.

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