Do you believe that a man should look at pornography after he is married? Or should he throw it out?

There is no “should” in marriage. Each marriage is a partnership. Not unlike any partnership, there need to be mutually agreeable rules or guidelines.

Whatever you and your partner agree upon is what “should” happen.

If the wife is threatened by porn, my guess is there are bigger problems in the relationship.

I’m in a lesbian relationship and both my partner and I look at pornography all of the time. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have a happy/healthy sex life.

There is no hard and fast rule. It is up to the partners and what they decide.

The tone of question seems to imply that once a guy is married he loses any appreciation for the way other women look. That’s ridiculous and unrealistic.

What’s more important than porn is that the couple has a balanced relationship. THAT is the goal to be striving for, not a reduction in temptation.

^^ I wasn’t meaning to put anyone down if that’s how it came across and I apologize for that. I guess I’m trying to ask… If a husband has porn, and his wife is not comfortable with it, or just doesn’t like the fact that he’s looking at other naked women, would it be the right decision on the husband’s part to throw it away? Or would it be right for the husband to keep it and tell the wife to get over it? That came out a little too bias but I couldn’t think of a better way to ask…

To each their own, every relationship needs to find the right compromise for them. Personally I don’t see why checking out a some porn now and again would or should be an issue. If she’s not comfortable… well, I’d discuss it with her and try to find out why the hard line stance. I’d be more than a bit concerned if she’s feeling intimidated by a few saucy pictures and explicit videos, for me, that needs addressing if it’s the case and not superficially by just tossing the stash. Then again if we’re talking about a daily obsession that includes porn overflowing Tb drives, live chats, videos, and lap dances all to her exclusion – well, I can see where she might have a point.

@wk143sk To me it comes down to an image on a screen or page versus a real live warm body in my arms. Which am I going to want more? If she’s so insecure she’s worried about the image then there’s some other things we need to discuss.

It all depends on the couple. If one person in the relationship has a problem with it, the two people need to discuss it and come up with a solution that works for them. Did the wife know the husband looked at porn before getting married? Did it bother her then? Why did she wait until after marriage to want him to get rid of it?

To me, this is something that should have been addressed prior to getting married if it is a big enough issue for the wife after getting married that it could cause problems in the marriage.

I often think we’d be better off with a pre-marriage checklist.

Porn? Y or N
If Y, describe type & frequency
Religion? Y or N
If Y, describe type & frequency
etc.
etc.
etc.
etc.
Do you still wish to marry? Y or N

I don’t understand the problem with looking at porn. If someone tried to tell me I couldn’t, I’d feel as though they were trying to control me. I’m a woman, by the way.

That said, each relationship has its own rules.

Everyone has a right to want what they want. That doesn’t mean they automatically get it. That’s a negotiation with the spouse. If a woman wants her husband to throw out his porn, he has a right to ask why. If she can’t give him any reasons, then it doesn’t make sense. She must have a reason. If she can’t articulate it, then they can’t talk about it, and they can’t solve any problem.

Why would she want him to throw it out? Does it threaten her in some way? How? Is it taking time from her? Is it causing him to lose his desire for her? Is he walking around with a boner all the time? Is he getting frisky with inappropriate people? What?

Further, even if there is a problem, how will throwing out the porn solve this problem? Will she also ask him to stop using the computer so that he doesn’t look at the internet. Or will she ask him to unhook the computer from the internet? Will she ask him to remove all porn from the computer? If so, how will she make sure he has complied? Or is magazine or book porn a problem, but internet porn is not? If so, why not?

Is the goal to stop him from seeing the stuff? Why? If so, then it doesn’t matter whether he throws it out because he has infinite access to porn on the internet. She has to trust him if he agrees not to look at porn, and trust does not require he throw anything out. Only that she believe he no longer looks.

Is her goal to get rid of material so she doesn’t have to see it? Then again, he need not throw it out. He only has to put it in a place she agrees not to look. Is her goal to make sure a child doesn’t see it? Then they only need to hide it instead of throwing it out.

I guess I don’t see how this is the man’s problem. There is nothing he can do to make his wife feel better, except to help her trust him. She is the one who is bothered by the porn, and no amount of throwing it out will get rid of it. Porn is ubiquitous and easy to get at.

If her issue is with his behavior towards her, then throwing out the porn won’t help. She needs to deal with his behavior. She needs to ask him for what she really wants—attention, presumably. The porn is not the issue. The lack of attention is. Or whatever it really is.

Porn is really a side issue and it isn’t related to the real issue in a way that getting rid of porn will affect the real issue. The real issue, most likely, is the relationship between the couple. That is what needs to be dealt with. Deal with that, and the porn will become irrelevant. If you only deal with porn, you won’t get at the real issue, and you will be just as unhappy as ever.

Personally I love porn and would share it with him, we could swap cool finds.

Why throw out a perfectly good camcorder?

It’s up to the couple. I don’t have a problem with looking at porn or my husband looking at porn. He doesn’t have a problem with me looking at porn either. If either of us were looking at porn excessively it would be a problem. If either of us were doing anything to excess, it would probably be a problem.

Does the wife complain the husband spends more time with the porn than making love to her? That would make anyone uncomfortable and weirded out.

How do you throw out the Internet?

Porn is just an aid to masturbation. There’s no emotional attachment there.

I am happy for my partner to look at porn and we often do so together. The problem with telling someone that they can’t do something like watch porn or eat the odd MacDonalds (!) is that they may do it behind your back anyway. Unless your partner needs porn to be able to have sexual intimacy with you I see no harm in it (the normal stuff, no kiddies or animals obviously).

If you are really against it then you should be with someone who is equally as against it and you can be sure that they aren’t going to be doing it behind your back because, if you find out they are, then that could change you opinion or damage the trust. I think it is very dangerous for a relationship if one is dictating what the other can or cannot do in situations such as these (ie: you can’t look at porn etc).