Occasionally we have small disconnects in communication that result in unnecessary hostility... Is this worth breaking up over?
I’m 26 and she’s 21.
We’ve been going out for about 3 years.
Annnnd… sorry up front for asking a relationship question. I’s not my MO, but I’m stumped here.
A little background:
Throughout our relationship we’ve had some rocky times… Times that likely would have been more than enough to end most relationships; but for one reason or another we’ve never been able to completely let things fall apart.
To try to explain the specifics of our relationship in its entirety would be impractical, and I’m trying to avoid creating some form of bias, so I’ll get straight to the point
Disconnect in Communication: this is the most current/fair example of the issue I’m talking about
While talking on the phone last night she said she wanted to bring me lunch at work today and asked what I wanted her to make. Nice, right!? She’s an amazing cook and the sentiment of her buying ingredients to make my favorite food, then driving it 30 minutes to my work on her day off does not escape me. Also, she’s probably going to decorate the box she puts it in, just because she’s that kind of girl.
Anyways… as 2:30 rolls around I get a call from her asking if I still want her to bring me lunch. She sounds a little hesitant, so I nicely say “yea” but throw in “but if you can’t or don’t want to, it’s cool, I’ll totally understand.”
She says, “What do you mean!?”
I say, “Yes. But, if you can’t, or something came up, I understand, we can do it another time.”
To which I get an angry response of, “WELL DO YOU WANT ME TO OR NOT!?”
Surprised by her response I immediately get up and go outside so that I can have a conversation without the audience of my coworkers. I reply with, “are you kidding me with this!?”, and the fight begins.
To save you from all the back and forth, here’s the gist of it:
She was excited to bring me food, and me acting all “sure I guess” about it upset her. She just wanted me to say “yes!” and be excited.
I wasn’t trying to underplay her gesture, or act like I didn’t want it, and I even specifically made a point to emphasize that in my tone, because I KNOW this sort of miscommunication happens with us (most recently 2 nights prior). I was just trying to express that if she couldn’t, then she didn’t need to worry or feel guilty about it.
This sort of communication breakdown happens in our relationship… too often, in my opinion. Someone sets out with good intentions and it leads to some stupid/illegitimate fight.
I’ve had past relationships where something like what happened today wouldn’t have instigated the slightest controversy. I would have said what I said and she would have understood my response in the fashion it was intended.
So here’s the problem… On one hand she’s super nice/thoughtful/puts in A LOT of effort (obviously)...
But on the other hand, sometimes it seems like we just do NOT understand each other. (I say something, she takes it this way.. She says something, I take it that way..)
Is it time to finally throw in the towel on this one?
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