Social Question

ETpro's avatar

Is aging a cruel joke or what?

Asked by ETpro (34217 points ) September 11th, 2012

Getting older or, as the saying goes, “long in the tooth.” Ears keep growing. Noses keep growing. Bellies keep growing. Hair—not so much. And what’s in the hair down there… If you’re a female and want it to stay cozy tight, it grows loose; while if you’re a male and want it to grow bigger and harder, you’re definitely out of luck. There generally comes the time no amount of Viagra has the power to resurrect its former glory. Why do the things I want little keep growing longer while the one thing I’d like to see getting longer goes in the opposite direction?

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34 Answers

janbb's avatar

I’m healthy and I have much more knowledge and self-confidence than I had last time I was single so I’m not complaining.

wundayatta's avatar

It’s a cosmic kerfluffle, you know that. And it always knows exactly what to do to make you feel the worst. You may have trouble with the winkie, but you may have a demand for it to perform. I have no trouble in that department, but when he’s standing big and strong, he’s all dressed up with no place to go. Frustrating, no? Either way you look at it, it’s frustrating.

Can’t complain about the hair, though. Blessed with good hair. Too much hair. Too hot in the summertime.

But let me tell you about my knees, and my achilles heels, and my skin problems and my cholesterol and high blood pressure and shoulder problem, oh my!

But as they always say, aging might be horrible, but it is sure better than the alternative!

Coloma's avatar

I recently noticed my right breast is hanging a little lower than the left these days. So much for vanity. Unbalanced breast breakdown, right up there with testicles that hang to your knees. So now I just cinch up the right boob an extra inch or so to match it’s mate.
haha

What we lose in form we gain in wisdom, my boobs may be going south in a hurry but my brain remains firm and perky! lolol

ragingloli's avatar

Humans evolved in an environment in which you were lucky to hit 30, so the height of fertility is naturally around and before that and the body does not care to maintain virility much beyond that, because you would usually already be dead.

Try a cockring and prostate stimulation.

Judi's avatar

You didn’t mention the vision, and the female facial hair! What’s up with that?

ucme's avatar

Like most jokes, they can be funny though.

wundayatta's avatar

@Judi I don’t think @ETpro has a problem with female facial hair. At least, not on himself.

gailcalled's avatar

After fifty, we have all served our purpose. It is like sitting on the pitch of a roof we have already ascended, losing our purchase and then slowly, slowly sliding down the other side.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

The cruelest, most horrible and most unnecessary!

Coloma's avatar

Well I’ll tell you what, you HAVE to have a great sense of humor, THIS is the ONLY thong that will pull you through.
Like yesterday in the grocery store when vanity made me wear my cool sunglasses and not carry my cheater readers with me, I had to press my face up against the dairy case to find the Provalone cheese. I had several other customers helping me look, it takes a fucking village to choose a cheese these days. lololol

gailcalled's avatar

@Coloma: In order to read the titles of the books on the lowest shelves at the library, I now have to switch from bifocals to reading glasses and still lie on my side on the floor.

mazingerz88's avatar

Yes it’s a cruel joke. And sometimes more self-inflicted than not. I keep dieting and dieting and dieting. Good right? Well, no. Because all these dieting is just in my head! Ooooo, gotta go, a bacon strip beckons!

@ETpro Things we want longer become shorter. That’s the irony of the aging phallus. Ironic. Irony. Jeez, even the metaphor has become an irony of itself when applied to dicks. Dicks. Maybe I’ll call mine Nixon.

laurenkem's avatar

Like @Coloma , I too noticed the whole one boob drooping lower than the other. What’s that all about, anyway?

Luckily, I’ve escaped the facial hair thus far, and I’m pretty happy that the hair on my legs doesn’t grow as much. Of course, it is downright flourishing in, er, other areas. And I never wore glasses my entire life until I hit 45, and now I seem to need what are supposed to be “readers” all the time, except for driving.

Love not having the period, though – that’s the good part.

Coloma's avatar

@gailcalled Haha…yes, well, don’t buy a giant beanbag loveseat, I have to ROLL out of the damn thing and it takes all my strength if I have fallen asleep during a movie. A major workout to get out of that couch. Fling body weight forward and hope you get enough momentum going to crest the edge or you fall backwards and lodge yourself even more deeply into the pit. lol

Coloma's avatar

Anyone catch my Freudian slip?
THIS is the ONLY thong that will pull you through…
Oooh, the days of the thong, a fading memory, just barely a “crack” of recognition. lol

gailcalled's avatar

@Coloma: The last time I bent down on a sloped grassy area to weed, I had to crawl to the nearest tree in order to hoist myself up, using a low branch.

We can instigate a Senior Olympics, using the events listed above.

BYOB; Bring-your-own-beanbag.

Coloma's avatar

^ LOl….yes, you know you are getting old when you find yourself complaining about how dangerous all the falling acorns are around your house. This time of year I am treading softly so as not to hit a rolling acorn and go down in a blaze of glory. Damn acorns, they are going to be the death of me. haha

Senior Olympics event # 22 Walking across acorns without aide.

Jeruba's avatar

I recently saw a magazine cover noting the fiftieth anniversary of the death of Marilyn Monroe. Sad, lovely Marilyn, who never grew old.

It made me recall a magazine article that I saw many years ago on Brigitte Bardot, who did. In the article, the interviewer had asked her whether she minded being photographed at her age. Her reply was words to this effect (in French, no doubt): “No—I’m not ashamed. What do you expect a 62-year-old woman to look like?”

I don’t think aging is cruel, and it certainly isn’t a joke. It can be pretty hard on some of us, all right, and I’m one of many who have to deal daily with limitations and impairments it has imposed. But it’s as simple, gradual, and impersonal as the turning of leaves in autumn or the smoothing of pebbles on the beach.

And it can be done just as gracefully, pain and all.

Coloma's avatar

@Jeruba I agree. Nicely said.
Personally I have witnessed several female friends lose their self esteem over the aging process.
I have found it so liberating, to not give a flying flip about it all any more. lol

I mean, in the sense of being neurotic and inconsolable. I still enjoy looking as nice as I can, but on my terms.
I am glad I am not pining away for face lifts, boob lifts, tummy tucks and whatever else.
I have had a good run and my ego is not so large as to be unable to gracefully let go of my youthful self image.
Pfffft…I say let the parts fall where they may while I am sipping wine in my hot tub and dottering around in wacky clothing. lol

Coloma's avatar

@laurenkem Haha…hey, we’re sisters in boob breakdown.
My theory is the lower hanging breast got more play time and handling and tugging on by babies, mostly man babies. lol
Amen to being on the far side of men-o-pause. haha

rojo's avatar

@wundayatta I sometimes wonder if at some point it will not be better than the alternative.

@mazingerz88 Mine used to be named “Rod”, now I just call him “Chuy”.

gailcalled's avatar

Since my lumpectomy, that breast (in spite of the small and modest scar) is much perkier than the other one.

flutherother's avatar

All this talk of breasts is quite rejuvenating!

Linda_Owl's avatar

Well, getting older definitely has its off moments, but so far it is much better than the alternative to getting older!

Coloma's avatar

@flutherother Haha..they need rejuvenating. ;-p

Sunny2's avatar

“Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse.” Is that what we would have preferred? I love the freedom of being able to say what I want to; to not worry much about how I look as long as it’s the best I can do and it doesn’t take more than 5 minutes; to look back and think how my life was so much more exciting than ever expected. and it still is
And as for breasts, I was always very flat chested until I was about 55 or so. Then they started to grow again. Now I have the chest of a teenager who is in mid puberty. and someone to appreciate it, which is even more important.

Shippy's avatar

How the heck does a woman grow “loose” down there? I’m scared.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, how ‘bout you pull a muscle in your back SO hard just because you’re TYPING you gotta go to the ER. Back now. Starting to feel vewwwwwy happy!

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Yes, it is. If you didn’t spend your youth toughening up a bit, you’re never going to make it. I figured the ear thing out. As you grow deafer, you need bigger aural scoops. So, that’s a nice little arraignment. It’d be even nicer if they weren’t clogged full of hair, though

AmWiser's avatar

I always say old age ain’t for sissy’s.

Some senior humor you might enjoy:-)........

* Two very senior little ladies were discussing the ravages that time had wrought on their bodies. Said one “My arthritis has gotten so bad I can hardly grip anything, my cataracts seem to get worse every day, I have gout in my right leg and can’t bend my knee and I can’t hear anything but….. thank God I can still drive.”

** A man in his sixtys goes to the Doctor. The Dr. Check him out and tells him everything was fine. The Doctor asked if he had any questions. The man stated he did. “I have been wondering about my penis. When I was 17 and it was hard I could not bend it.” When I was in my 40’s and it was hard I could bend it a little bit.” Now that I am in my 60’s and it gets hard I can bend the hell out of it.” Doc tell me am I getting stronger.

* Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.

** Seniors are worth a fortune. They have silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and gallbladder, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomach.

* The minister came to see me the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the Hereafter. I told him, “Oh I do, all the time! No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself: now what am I here after?”

** There were a couple of old gals in the local nursing home who were getting a little bored with the lack of excitement in their surroundings. They decided to liven things up and took their clothes off and walked through the local male gathering area in the buff. One of the men poked the other one and asked if he had seen what just went by. The other replied yep he had seen it and whatever it was it sure did need ironing.

* I don’t understand how I got over the hill!—without ever being on top.

gondwanalon's avatar

It is what it is and that is a natural progression of life and should be accepted as such. No animal or plant is exempt. Yes old age can be brutal, ugly and seemingly unfair. But it isn’t like old age hasn’t happened before. We can be strong, take charge and meet it head on or we can just roll over, take lots of medications and feel sorry for our selves. We have the option to do our best to slow the process with regular and vigorous exercise, healthy nutrition, adequate sleep and staying away from tobacco, booze and other recreational drugs. Healthy living isn’t easy or even a guarantee that it will add days to our live but it will likely add life to our days. Also even though we old geezers are getting slower and weaker, we can utilize our wealth of life-experiences and perhaps a little treachery to stay competitive with the younger folks. HA!

Cruiser's avatar

I know you are older than me, but at 52 I am in as good of shape as I have ever been. I can still match my times I turned in my HS swim team. But it comes with a commitment and lots of harder work than ever. Diet was never an issue but it for some reason is my biggest enemy as I can’t eat certain foods anymore. That said I will never let age be a reason to complain or feel bad about looking in the mirror.

FutureMemory's avatar

Over the years @Cruiser I’ve always admired your avatars that were close-up self portraits—(err, no homo)you can really tell that you’ve worked very hard to maintain your physical fitness to a high standard.

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