Social Question

SuperMouse's avatar

Do you get along with your SO's ex?

Asked by SuperMouse (30733 points ) September 15th, 2012

My husband’s ex-wife is one of my favorite people in the world. I really like and respect her and my husband and I both trust her completely. As I was thinking about it this morning I realized the contrast between this and how we are forced to feel about my ex-husband. We literally have both ends of the spectrum. Now I am wondering which is more common, an ex-spouse who is a friend or one who is more of an arch-enemy. Care to share your experience?

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17 Answers

tedibear's avatar

I have never met my current husband’s ex- fiancĂ©e, so I don’t know if I would like her or not. However, I do know my ex-husband’s current wife and I like her a lot. In fact, as he has become more and more of a curmudgeon, I would rather communicate with her. There’s not much reason for us to talk, but we’re Facebook friends and sometimes have brief conversations there.

bookish1's avatar

Well, I got along really well with my ex’s S.O (we had a poly thing going, but I was only dating my ex, not her girlfriend). We had similar adolescences in some ways which made us sympathise, and she was always very kind and welcoming to me, and made me feel like family. In fact, I miss her far more than I miss my ex.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Well, my I got along fine with my wife’s ex, we had some common interests and he was fun to go out drinking with, but there was definitely tension, to the point where I really couldn’t bring her up. Combine that with my general social apathy and some moves that nearly tripled the distance between us, and we basically just drifted apart. Sort of a shame, he wasn’t a bad guy. My wife gets along great with my ex, who’s basically part of the family (I guess one could say we were a package deal), to the point where they have their own relationship independent of me, which is fantastic and more than I’d dared hope for; phew.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I met my wife’s ex at our wedding. We met, of all places, in the rest room of the church before the ceremony. I recognized him from my wife’s description of him, and asked him, “are you Chris?” We talked for a few minutes, I don’t remember the content (it was 24 years ago!). He ended up congratulating me as we shook hands. My wife later told me he had come to stop or disrupt the wedding, but after he met me he changed his mind.

(edit to add)

I almost forgot. A different mutual friend (they were dating when he introduced us) actually walked my wife down the aisle at the wedding!

dabbler's avatar

@Yetanotheruser Great story ! Glad that worked out.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Yetanotheruser I’ve GOTTA stop reading so fast! I read “I met my wife…in the bathroom…at a wedding.”

Yetanotheruser's avatar

@dabbler Thanks
@Dutchess_III LMAO! Speed reading is one thing…

Dutchess_III's avatar

Unfortunately, some people feel that it is a requirement that they don’t get along with the Ex. They think they’re supposed to create all kinds of drama around it. I never felt that way.

whitenoise's avatar

I used to get along very well with my wife’s ex. They had been together for about a year and a half before they broke up. Unfortunately, his new girlfriend – now wife – has forbidden him to contact us. I miss him, though. He is a beautiful person.

My wife and one of my exes are very good friends. I actually met my wife through this ex of mine. My wife has been her best girl at her wedding and her husband has been my best man at my wedding.

All in all, i would say that iwe are doing fine, i guezs, with our mutual exes. :-)

Earthgirl's avatar

I count myself very lucky that my husband’s ex is a kind and intelligent person who has no interest in creating drama. The kids come first. Never had any problems at all with her.It may help that the divorce was of mutual consent and predated our relationship,

janbb's avatar

I am my S.O’s ex.

bea2345's avatar

Weirdly, I find myself liking my ex’s girl friend.

gailcalled's avatar

We had large weird and happy celebrations of the major holidays when everyone’s children were growing up.

My children’s father was always invited to sporting events, plays, academics, etc and spent the night at the home I lived in with my second husband.

His first wife, and mother to his three kids, lived several miles away. We also shared every celebration, often with her boyfriend (who was the dentist for everyone).

I remain friendly to this day towards my first husband’s (father of my kids) third wife, now his widow. The kids love having all these step-sibs. My daughter has one half-brother and one ex-step brother from her father’s second wife.

We had 24 for three days over Thanksgiving this year. Everyone and his brother (step-brother, half-brother and step-sister) was here, including my second ex- husband and his girlfriend.

filmfann's avatar

I get along very well with my wife’s ex. When we were having trouble with my stepdaughter, he supported us, even though he could have won big points by taking her side, so that good relationship paid off.

tedd's avatar

Not in particular, but I’ve never really met any of them. I have major issues with the thought of my g/f being with another man, and the idea that she has been with other men troubles me if I get to thinking about it. Actually meeting one of those other men would probably not be good, as could be cited by my somewhat distant past of questions on here.

My own g/f is not very fond of my exes either. In particular the most recent X because there is still friction there between she and I. But she’s not really too fond of any of the x’s, even those that go a bit further back.

downtide's avatar

My partner is not in touch with any of his ex’s, and I’ve never met any of them. However for the first three or four years of our marriage, his grandfather always called me by the latest ex’s name. I don’t think he realised that I was someone different.

Shippy's avatar

I really like my husbands new wife, but she prefers to keep me at arms length, I take it as a compliment since I am 50 and she is 28, it’s good to know I pose threat still :P

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