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_Whitetigress's avatar

What are some things you wished you could have done a little differently with your first born?

Asked by _Whitetigress (4349 points ) September 19th, 2012

Knowing what you know now, or having gone through growing pains, when you look back on the way you raised your first child, what are some things you could have done to make the process of parenting your first child a better experience?

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12 Answers

janbb's avatar

Been more patient and have lower expectations.

YARNLADY's avatar

I wish I could have been a stay-at-home Mom with him to help through the traumas of losing his first two Dads. He was only an infant the first time, but 11 years old the second time. If I would not have had to work to support us, his life would have been much less stressful.

zenvelo's avatar

Expanded his food repertoire by not succumbing to thoughts he was going hungry when he wouldn’t eat.

wundayatta's avatar

I wish I wouldn’t have let her give up music lessons.

gailcalled's avatar

@janbb: That’s what I would say, also.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Gone a bit easier on the overprotection and encouraging independent behavior and initiative.

augustlan's avatar

Been a bit less over-protective, and a little more laid-back.

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Dsg's avatar

I agree with @augustlan and @zephra’s comments. I would have tried to be less over-protective , more laid back and encouraged more independence. My little man is now 8 yrs old and he has a hard time playing by himself and has trouble making friends. Any suggestions? He started at a new school this year and is rather reserved with his feelings. I’ve thought of sports, but he is more of a book learned child. I have him in swim lessons at the YMCA, but he’s not really talkative. His younger brother on the other hand is a social butterfly. He talks to anybody. I just wish I could fix what I did wrong with my oldest. But I know mother’s always tend to blame themselves. If anyone has any thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated!

janbb's avatar

@Daisygurl I think tendencies such as shyness and sociability are more innate than formed by parental behavior; my two were the opposite of yours in their natures. If the older does show a preference for any one child, you can certainly encourage play dates, but I don’t think you can make him a social butterfly if he isn’t one. My younger shyer one grew more confident as a teenager when he made some good friends and even more so through his success at work and with women but it took time. One thing I would suggest you not do is push – that is counter-productive.

Dsg's avatar

@janbb…I agree with not pushing. I don’t want to push him out of his shyness. I was always the reserved child myself, so I understand him completely. I believe it will come in time. He is very self conscious too. All I am doing is reminding him to say hi back and look people in the eye when someone says “hi.” I tell him that if he even smiles at them, that is a way of saying hello.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Nothing. I think my childhood went great. I didnt really start fucking up until my teenage years :P

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