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Kayak8's avatar

Do you ever mentally perseverate on something catty? (A lot more inside)

Asked by Kayak8 (16407 points ) September 27th, 2012

I don’t know what it is about a series of thoughts I have been having lately that seems to stay stirred up (which, in my experience, means there is something deeper and more meaningful in the thoughts). It is a very catty brain loop that doesn’t reveal anything good about my character (and that’s probably a large part of why it bothers me).

I am no great beauty (which may or may not have any bearing on the situation). There is a guy at work whom I think handsome (I am a lesbian and not interested in him in any kind of romantic way), and the other day he was talking with another woman at work. I have seen her in the halls, but had never been introduced to her. He then does the introductions and, it turns out, the woman is his wife. She has certain physical characteristics that I personally find unattractive.

Maybe I am just kind of mentally staring at her, but this particular physical feature keeps coming up and sticking in my head. I started to journal about it and realized I would rather ask Fluther and get input from real human beings (rather than continuing to discuss it only with myself and remaining stuck in the tape loop).

Have you ever mentally stared at some physical feature of another person that you found unattractive? Did it bother you? I almost feel like I am betraying my friendship with him by thinking (privately) that his wife is unattractive.

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9 Answers

Mama_Cakes's avatar

My partner’s cousin’s wife. He married her a month ago. I met her last summer. Now, he is awfully handsome, is in great shape and has a wonderful personality. Ladies love this guy. His wife on the other hand (who was his fiance when I met her), has a shitty personality. Very uptight and possessive of her man. She is in great shape, but, it’s just…. her face. Not attractive at all. I remember thinking to myself, “what does he see in her?”

I come to find out that no one in his family likes her. Also, a nickname (that she doesn’t know about), given to her by one of his brothers is “butterface”. The brothers and a few cousins refer to her as “butterface”. I guess that I’m not the only one.

butterface = she’d be awfully hot (body) if not for her face.

JLeslie's avatar

There are some people I find very difficult to look at. It is very rare, but it happens. Almost always it is one specific feature, not that they are just very ugly. I almost never find people to be ugly. Anyway, even if a feature bugs me a lot, I have never dwelled on it once they are out of my sight I must say. Never had their face stick in my head and haunt me.

I do sometimes look at a couple and think they are mismatched in the looks category. It’s kind of awful to say right? It’s not so much looks matter, but it is kind of odd to see a very good looking person with a very unnatractive person. As far as face and body, men almost always favor body over face, so it isn’t very surprising if her body is amazing. I also see a lot of couples in their 40’s where the man still in good shape, trim to average build, and their wife is overweight. In fact, I myself am moving into that category and I hate it. Sometimes I think those men in two seconds could find a woman 5–10 years younger, thin, and very attractive. Ugh sucks.

Even on TV, remember that show 7th Heaven? The character Lucy (played by Beverly Mitchel) was sometimes in competition with her older sister Mary. They are not in the same class, sorry. Especially when their characters were fairly young. And, Lucy wound up marrying that really handsome guy. She is not attractive at all to me. My husband and I think that match is ridiculous and would never happen in real life. Same with Greys Anatomy, that gorgeous guy who is in a relationship with Miranda Bailey? Drives my husband crazy when they have scenes together. LOL.

DigitalBlue's avatar

I may not be the right person to answer this, as I have OCD and obsessive thought patterns are pretty much my day to day life. Yes, I have fixated on features that I dislike or find unattractive about other people. I’m guessing it is normal, but I also think that my own tendency to get “stuck” on a certain thought is pretty intense in the first place.

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Kayak8's avatar

@DigitalBlue Not only do I have OCD (the way you mean the term), but I have also been diagnosed with osteochondral dessicans (degenerative, crumbly bone bits also referred to as OCD). You can imagine the look on my face when an orthopedist told me I had OCD. I said, “yeah, I know.” He said, “No, in your ankle and your knee.” I think I just stared at him . . .

Coloma's avatar

I once knew this woman who was the mother of one of my daughters friends in kindergarten.
She was the most unattractive woman I have ever seen. She was grossly overweight, had tiny little pig eyes, a pug nose, chin stubble, nostril hair, a giant goiter like bulge on her throat and a laugh that sounded like a parrot being strangled.
Of course she was nice, but it was very hard to get past her looks.

She was always sort of disheveled and scruffy looking in her hygiene too. Poor thing, and to top it all off she had the intellect of a potato. I was always finding ways to avoid her and I felt terrible but I just had no interest in becoming her friend.

She was and remains the only human I have ever been truly repulsed by.

Sunny2's avatar

Yes, that’s happened to me regarding someone I work with. I wondered where these feelings were coming from. I let my mind roam around and it lit on a girl I knew in high school, who was particularly unattractive physically. I felt guilty about feeling unable to be friendly with her because of the way she looked. The woman I work with has a similarly unattractive large protruding lower lip as the high school girl. It must have some validity because as soon as I realized that, the negative feelings went away.

Shippy's avatar

Perhaps if you do get into a conversation with her,you will focus less on the features? But yes I have seen some really none attractive people, they seem to be all over. It’s harder when you work with one, as you see them every day that sounded aweful . But like everything even gorgeous people you see it less? When you see them a lot?!

ccrow's avatar

Why does this thread make me think of Chumlee?

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