How do you feel about 'the one' concept?

When I first met my ex-husband I knew right then he was the one. I was older and had dated several guys, but had never felt that way before.
I don’t know why I knew he was the one, I just did. In the long run it didn’t work out, but I was glad for the fun times we had.

It took about three weeks before I knew I met the one. This was when I was 45. Never has a person felt more of a perfect match. For my parents, who were great role models on what an ideal relationship should look like. They were in their early twenties when they met. They knew it and so did their parents. My partner’s parents just celebrated 60 years together.His mum was 16, I think, when they married.

All I can tell you is that you know when the right person comes along. It can be a bumpy road, but as long as the communication and understanding is strong, it is worth the ride.

I don’t believe in the idea that there’s only one person for you. I think I was lucky I married the guy I did. It’s worked out very well for us, but there were others I considered and they might have turned out okay too, although I don’t think so. My husband and I have so much in common it surprises me. We’ve had 2½ fights in the 50 years we’ve been married. (In the last one, I didn’t lose my temper so I won and it doesn’t count.)

No. I do not believe in the “one.”
There are hundreds, if not thousands of “ones.” The “one” is the one that matches us at our various stages of development. The majority of broken relationships are meant to be broken, aside from abuse or infidelity, most relationships fail because the “one” is not, or has not, grown along with the other one.

I divorced my ex husband because I went through a huge personal growth phase, I was the racehorse, he remained the donkey. Still is.
Not equally yoked. Time to let the ass go. lol

Reasons and seasons and all that jazz.

I believe there could be more than one, for some people. Not at once, but in the span of a lifetime.
I know I’m young, and my boyfriend of ten months isn’t a long time compared to my entire life. I know it’s unlikely that we’ll last, and I know it’s far too soon to call it love. But I want to.

I think there’s more than one “one.” One such is enough, and when you find that one, you can stop looking. But if for some reason you do have to move on, there can still be another. That doesn’t mean it isn’t or wasn’t real.

But not everyone you fall for is going to be “the one.” It’s perfectly fine to have a Mr. or Ms. In-the-Meantime. If you find your ultimate match too soon, you’re going to miss out on a lot of wonderful experiences that it would be nice to have behind you before you settle in.

With the man I was going to marry, I was pretty sure pretty fast. But I knew it was going to take him longer, so I didn’t push it at all. In his own good time he came to the same conclusion.

My husband and I were inseparable once we met. He’s been my best friend for 21 years now. I guess you could say he is “the one” for me. I just think of him as my best friend and I’m glad I’ve been able to spend this time with him.

I don’t think there is only one for any of us. I think that if we follow through on the Christian idea of marriage, then that person is functionally the one. If we had that strong feeling about them when we first met them, then it feels like the one.

I’ve fallen in love many times in my life. Only the first one ever had that sacred feeling of oneness that would last forever. When we broke up, it was devastating, and it taught me that the idea of oneness forever isn’t likely. Obviously, I can love more than one person deeply. As a practical matter, I can’t live with them all forever.

So I made my choices, and have lived with them. My loves have been very strong. I’ve been married for more than 22 years, now. That feeling of oneness has been gone a long time, but we are still committed to each other, and we care deeply for each other. We have children and a life we’ve built together, and that is a powerful reason for us to maintain our commitment. But it’s work to keep our marriage going. We are not dewy eyed and optimistic the way we were when we felt like each other was the one.

I know some people keep that feeling for life. I think that most lose it. Half of all marriages end in divorce. So many of the rest continue without the passion of the beginning. This is not a bad thing. I don’t think it makes sense to be jealous of the few who keep the oneness going until they are in the nursing home. Nor should we compare ourselves to anyone else.

Each relationship is unique and I think that comparisons can be good to learn what others do, but not to make a judgement about how well you are doing. Judging, even if we are judging ourselves, is not helpful. Instead, it makes more sense to me to love my wife as I love her, and to love our relationship as it is, and move forward from there.

Woulda coulda shoulda just doesn’t help. She was the one. She’s not the one. Doesn’t matter. We’re here, now, and we can choose to make the best of it, or we can choose to try to destroy it. We choose to make the best of it. I think that says something.

My ex and I seem to keep circling back to each other about every 8 years. I’m convinced there is something… beyond us (?)... to it – I just don’t know what. We know each other even though we’ve missed so much time and have both grown and changed. It’s weird.

We dont seek each other out; we just happen to reconnect. This time it was because his sister moved to the city where I live and wanted to catch up. (I’m married and he is in a long term relationship so it’s a no go no matter how strong the pull.)

He can say something to any number of friends from our 20s or 30s about his current relationship not being the love of his life and they will instantly say, “so how is supacase anyway?” Even if we have had no contact in several years.

Let me start a little off from where you meant to go, but I’ll get there. I met “The One” in L. Ron Hubbard. It took time to discover he was a complete sham, presenting himself as “The One” when he was nothing more than any other human, and in many ways, he was far less.

Can there be someone who is right for you? Sure, so long as you are not so unrealistic as to demand perfection. But are they some superhuman paragon of perfection. No. They are just another human being with all our strengths and weaknesses. Accept that, and you are on your to staying with “The One”.

I’ve had more than one “the one” in my life. I still believe each of them were “the one”, for that time. With the first two men I fell in love with, it took some time to feel that way. It was a gradual thing. There was no “aha!” moment, just a slow realization. I was briefly engaged to the first one, and married the second one. We were together for 20 years and had 3 great kids.

With my second (current) husband, we fell in love on our first date. The feeling was unlike any I’d ever felt before… it was sudden and intense. A physical sensation, along with a feeling of awe. I was completely unprepared for it, and not remotely ready for him. He was ready for me, though. He says he knew right away that we’d end up married some day. He started asking me to marry him within a couple of months, but it took me quite a while to finally say yes. I think he was on his 5th or 6th proposal by then. Still didn’t feel ready, but I took the leap anyway. We just had our 7th wedding anniversary, and I have absolutely no regrets.

It is naive and childish.

I met ‘the one’ whilst in work in 1997, I knew she was ‘the one’ after a couple of weeks of going out together to the extent where we didn’t even really ask each other did we want to move in together, it just happened and it was mutual, and there wasn’t the fear on either side of where it was too soon, or the fear of a brake-up etc.

Next year we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.

The only problem I have with the concept of ‘the one’ is that I don’t believe there is only one ‘the one’, it think it is truly ridiculous, unless motivated by religion or some notion of fate to believe there is only one person that you are ‘meant to be with’, I mean, I was born in England? What if my ‘the one’ was born in the middle of the outback in Australia? In 1952??? Or on a small island on a moon orbiting a planet in a galaxy just left of alpha centauri???

I mean, the only real way that ‘a one’ specifically created for you could come about is if there really was some soft of divine plan

I think there are thousands of compatible people whom we can have a stable long term loving relationship with, the trick is knowing that, even though the grass looks greener on the other side, sometimes its been photo-shopped, and sometimes its been fed with green dye to make it look all shiny….

Truth is, no one is perfect, and yet I still love my wife with all my heart. And for me that’s enough more than enough. Yet for some it’s not, and I think that maybe why their ‘the one’ either, is never recognised, or just simply never measures up to their expectations.

If you have no expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.

@augustlan said it perfectly. “I still believe each of them were “the one”, for that time.”