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wildpotato's avatar

Parents: did your kid tell you he or she got engaged in person?

Asked by wildpotato (13493 points ) October 15th, 2012 from iPhone

Or over the phone, or via email or Skype, or some other way?

If you were not told in person, do you wish you had been?

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21 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

I’m the kid, and I told my parents over the phone. I lived out of state, and became engaged 21 years ago, so there really was no other way. I really doubt they cared whether they were told in person or not considering the circumstance.

thorninmud's avatar

It happened over Skype, actually. I wasn’t at all troubled by this, first of all because she lives oversees and visits only a couple of times a year, and second because they’ve been an “item” for so many years that I almost forget that they’re not married.

Besides, like @JLeslie, I announced in absentia to my own parents (by letter).

poisonedantidote's avatar

My parents do not know, neither do my fiance’s parents. We intend to keep it that way too.

I know that does not answer your question, but I mention it in case you are sad that you were not told in person. At least you were told.

gailcalled's avatar

I phoned my parents and my son and his fiancee phoned me. My daughter told me that she would be living with her SO while we were at her college graduation.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t remember, it was so long ago now. lol
I think I just announced, casually, that my boyfriend and I wanted to get married and it unfolded from there.
I don’t see anything wrong with how an engagement is announced, unless one is a stickler for tradition.

janbb's avatar

On the phone and it was a delight to get that early morning call.

JLeslie's avatar

Personally, I care more about knowing something right away by the people I love, than being told in person. Great, we can talk about it in depth when we see each other, but that you wanted me to know right away means something to me. I like my husband to be bursting to tell me when he gets happy news, I assume I would want the same from my kids if I had children.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’m the kid, too. I was living with my parents when my husband proposed, so I told them in person. It was on Christmas morning, so conveniently enough, they were there when he did it.

If it didn’t happen that way, I probably would’ve told them over the phone. Not a text, though.

Ron_C's avatar

One did and the other emailed me from Japan. It seems strange that a girl from Pennsylvania had to go to Japan to meet a guy from Indiana but that’s what happened.

wundayatta's avatar

They haven’t informed me yet, and I don’t really care how they inform me, although I guess I would expect a phone call. Doing it in person seems overly dramatic, especially if it is to a room full of people. God! Even worse if they propose in front of a room full of people. Or a stadium full of 80,000 of their closest friends. I don’t approve of that kind of showing off. If they get turned down, they deserve it.

YARNLADY's avatar

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My oldest son asked me if she could move in with us when they got evicted for having a cat and about a year later, they decided to have a wedding. We had a big family engagement dinner to meet her family.

We became estranged when he left her four years later. He was subsequently was married to two other people I never met and he didn’t say much to me about it.

My youngest son married his first wife against my wishes, and I had to help him through a terrible divorce (and bankruptcy proceedings) a year later when she ran off with someone else.

He and his current wife were living with us for about a year when they surprised us by getting married just before Christmas. They thought it was a great joke to show us their marriage certificate the next day. They didn’t want a big fuss, and she was already six months pregnant.

Adagio's avatar

My daughter rang and told me, my delight couldn’t have been heightened anymore by being told in person, it was WONDERFUL NEWS !

I have no recollection whatsoever of how I told my own parents but imagine it was by telephone as I was living in another part of the country.

filmfann's avatar

I told my Mom in person. It would have been awful to tell her over the phone.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@filmfann I’m curious…why would that have been awful?

thesparrow's avatar

My parents were disappointed because they didn’t consider us engaged until he came over with flowers to make the announcement formal. I thought it was OK but honestly my family is so traditional. The only thing they’re worried about is if he’s a good provider even though I am studying to be a teacher right now. And I don’t want a provider. I want someone who will be there when I need them, as I’m sure everyone needs and wants in a relationship. Also they wanted to put me in ‘household’ school.. I told my mom they don’t do things like that anymore, and its called Home Ec… but of course in a Catholic school they never had Home Ec.

JLeslie's avatar

@thesparrow Honestly, I think it is a shame some schools don’t have home ec (I don’t know what catholic school has to do with not having home ec?) and I personally think it does matter that your finace have a work ethic. Whether it be that he winds up taking care of the household or being the bread winner, whatever you both agree on, it is usually important both people in the relationship feel the other is pulling their weight, however the couple defines that. I am not assuming he doesn’t work hard, most people work very hard, I am just saying think seriously about what you might want in the future. If you have children, if you both have the same ideas about money in general. Money Problems are a common source of divorce.

filmfann's avatar

@livelaughlove21 My Mom had a black belt in Guilt.

wildpotato's avatar

Thanks for your answers! I think I will tell them over the phone, because we’re all a bit too busy this fall for a long-distance get-together. You guys made me feel much better about making this decision.

@poisonedantidote You are eloping? That’s so cool. We thought about doing that, just because of the cost, but it’s nice to have a reason to make all my friends fly out to see me and have a big party in my honor.

gailcalled's avatar

@wildpotato: Congrats. We recently had two weddings in the family on the west coast. For the easterners who could not make the trip (for whatever reason), one couple had a party in NYC.
The other couple is flying to NYC for Thanksgiving and thoughtfully visiting us…in Philly, NYC, my area and Boston.

Have the wedding at the Lenox overlook for the Stockbridge Bowl, and Milo and I will come.

wildpotato's avatar

@gailcalled I do love the Stockbridge Bowl – excellent kayaking, gorgeous area, and of course it would be lovely to have a Fluther friend (plus cat) attend – but since we’re both originally from Colorado and still have a lot of family and friends there, I was kind of thinking about the Garden of the Gods.

It’s only not ideal because my grandma, who lives in Philly, cannot fly – but maybe a small family ceremony and party in addition to the main gig would work. Thanks for the idea!

wildpotato's avatar

My mom came into town for the day, so I got to tell her in person. Then my fiance and I Skyped my dad. It all went very well. Thanks again for everyone’s help! Prepare yourselves for more wedding questions…

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