[NSFW] Have you ever been spoiled?

Don’t think of sex as having to match your wonderful experience which is now enshrined in your heart and mind as perfect.

Think of each sexual encounter as different, new (always good), unique. Think of it as having sex not making love.

If “one” did that for you, don’t ever try poly, you would never survive.

Not in a long time.

I know what you mean. It leaves you always wanting more of that person. They are the love of all loves. Ten times a day you find yourself thinking about that person. You reach out and can never get enough. And it doesn’t even matter if it is sex. Just their voice or an email or anything that reminds you of them gives you a glow.

Although the sex… all you want is to keep on doing it forever and you don’t even need to eat. That person is complete sustenance for your soul, and your body’s real physical needs seem forgotten. You don’t feel hungry or thirsty or tired or anything. Your love seems to magically give you all of it.

I suppose reality would hit eventually, but it seems magical like that, especially if you have too little time with them, and life forces you to move away.

Sometimes I wonder if people with bipolar disorder experience love differently. Could it be more intense and more all-consuming for us? I believe so. Other people may have a kind of throttle on their feelings that bumps up against a limit, but we blast right through that and keep on going until our head blow off. Except some of us just stop it entirely. Because when you end a relationship like that, the pain is equally intense, and after experiencing it once, I think a lot of us try never to let ourselves fall in love like that again.

But who knows? Need more data to see if the theory actually makes sense, and how the fuck can you measure intensity of feeling, anyway?

Yes. My last relationship that was a resurrection of an old flame from decades ago. OMG!
I am pretty damn sure that I will never find that quality of sexuality ever again, ever. Seriously, we were custom made for each other in the physical sense, but too many bugs in the realities of life, geography and obligations. That’s okay, as great as it all was I still wanted him to go home after a couple of days. lol

I had a relationship like that, but it ended too soon. She was on my mind daily for a good ten years.

More than once. Each instance was mind-blowing (some damn near life-altering), but in different ways. Sometimes it’s happened while making love, and sometimes it’s been just knock-down, drag-out sex. Either way… good times. ;)

I absolutely agree with @marinelife in that you should treat each experience as a unique one, and not to compare it to what you felt this summer. It’s similar to thinking you’ll never love anyone again after a break-up, but of course you eventually do. Sometimes, you go on to love someone new more than you ever thought possible, and sometimes you go on to experience even better sex. I’d sure hate to hang up my hat at this point, if I were you. Who knows what you could be missing? In the meantime, even when it’s not the best sex ever, it will still be pretty damn good!

You will never know what the next person has to offer unless you give them a chance. Don’t close yourself off to new experiences because of your fear of no one else ever measuring up to what you experienced this summer. Take what you learned from that relationship and develop it into something great and, who knows, you might just become someone else’s version of what your summer flame has been to you :)

Dear jellies, thank you so very much for your thoughts. This is all just what I needed to hear. Have I ever mentioned that I love Fluther?

I’ve been feeling pretty conflicted about this recently. Being both trans and gay means that my prospects for both romantic relationships and casual sexual partners are severely limited. And bad decisions on my part have meant that I have both been in relationships with and had casual sex with the wrong people, too many times. While there was no romantic relationship this summer, the encounter I had with my friend just felt like a gift. I will always be grateful for it.

@marinelife: Thank you, you put that advice very clearly and eloquently. It took me a long time to learn how to separate love and sex, and I guess this summer they were reunited for me again. But I’ll do my best to think as you advise, going forward.

@DrBill : Actually, I have tried poly! I’ve never been in a group relationship, but at several points I have been in multiple committed relationships, or had playmates along with committed relationships. It just so happens that the sex has never been this good, haha.

@wundayatta : When did you get the power to read my mind? Haha. This guy is definitely one of the loves of my life (thanks again for helping me figure out how to tell him that this summer!), and I have realized that he has meant many of the same things to me as my first girlfriend in high school meant to me, at a different stage in my life. No idea how to measure intensity of feeling either, but I am not bipolar, and I do tend to believe that I have trouble finding that throttle on my feelings that you mention.

@zenvelo: Wow, ten years? What do you think caused you to finally stop thinking about her on a daily basis?

@augustlan: Thank you. This wasn’t even a breakup, just the end of a fling because of geography, but I agree, it does kind of feel the same. But I won’t hang up my hat. ;) And I sure couldn’t make it much longer without some casual play, it’s been killing me :-p

@jordym84: Very sage advice. Thank you :)

@bookish1 I stopped thinking about her when my son was born, just got refocused.

I’m currently in a new relationship and I have definitely been spoiled—I finally experienced real love+sex+respect together for the first time in my life. It’s also different because I’m crazy about him but still feel clearheaded—not blinded by infatuation.

As nutty as I am about him, I have no idea if this relationship will last—there are many things that need to be figured out. We are 13 years apart, are at different places in our lives, both of us have been living in emotional shells for years and both of us come from tough histories. That’s not necessarily a bad thing- you know how in the musical “RENT” Mimi says, “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” We both are willing to work through things, but will we last? I sure hope so, but I don’t know for sure and, oddly enough, I’m okay with that not-knowing.

If things don’t work out, will I come out of this relationship better than I was when it started? For sure. I already have grown. I would miss him for years, probably like @zenvelo, but unlike many other former relationships, I will always appreciate having this experience.

@bookish1 Your experience seems like it had an intensely positive impact on you and that alone means a LOT, the way I see it.

@linguaphile: Awesome. I know what you mean about love, sex, and respect together for the first time. For me, that’s what made this summer fling so meaningful—it was my first time experiencing all of that together since I had come out, since I’ve been presenting my true face to the world, with the guy who made me realize I loved men in a gay way. It was just…huge.

And the RENT quote made me laugh. I share the sentiment as well, haha.

That’s really cool to hear you are ok with not-knowing. That is a sign of grace in you and that is inspiring to me.

Thank you again for all your advice here, jellies. I think I might have just spoiled someone this past weekend ;)