Social Question

confusedblueeyes's avatar

Is this a bad sign?

Asked by confusedblueeyes (37 points ) November 4th, 2012

I’ve known this guy for five years. We’ve never communicated that much until this summer. We flirted a lot and I told him I liked him and the signals he gave me seemed like he liked me too. We were trying to find a time to hang out and he said he was going shopping and asked if I’d want to go. I already had plans to go to the county fair, so I asked him if he thought he’d like to come with me. He said no, and that he hated that fair. The day before the fair I got a text from him saying he was going to the fair. I met him there. He introduced me to his mom and she knew information about me, so he must have been talking to her about me. His friends were there with their girlfriends, and he used the word girlfriend several times. I texted him the next morning asking if he had fun and then I asked who his friends were because he didn’t introduce us. He then asked me if I thought they were cute and why I was hiding it from him. He said it was because they didn’t mean that much to him, and even went as far to call his “friend” a d***. I really like him, but I’m afraid his insecurity could turn physical eventually. Suggestions?

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18 Answers

Coloma's avatar

Obviously the guy is what…about 14?
Lets just look at the facts.
He is a two faced ” friend”, trash talking the people he chooses to hang out with and call “friends”, and, last, but not least, he asks a stupid question and then accuses you of “hiding” your “attraction” to some of his friends.

And your question is WHAT again?
Oh..that’s right, it is…. ” Do you think I can keep a pet rattlesnake and train it to sleep on my pillow without biting me?”

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

It’s better if you can live by seeing what is right in front of you rather than try to “interpret” it. @Coloma has given you some good insight into “seeing what is right in front of you”.

digitalimpression's avatar

This is like applying quantum physics to a two digit addition problem. I think you’re over-thinking it too much. The guy is obviously young. Give him a chance. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not as if you’re married.

confusedblueeyes's avatar

@Coloma: I wish he was 14, I’d understand his immaturity a little more. He’s 18. Now obviously thats still young, but it should be old enough to not act like that. I like your snake analogy though. :)

gailcalled's avatar

How can you “really like someone” who would call one of his friends a “dick”? Not just the unimaginative and immature language but the impulse to badmouth a friend.

What might he be calling you to another of his acquaintances?

Are you talking about him becoming physically violent? And you are volunteering for a relationship?

Whatever he should be doing is irrelevant. You look at what he is doing.

Is this a bad sign? Um, let me think about that.

Coloma's avatar

@confusedblueeyes 14, 18…it’s pretty much all the same with a lot of guys. Most of them stay stuck in one form or another of gross immaturity for freaking DECADES!
I’d say this one has at least another 20 years to go, probably longer.
Seriously…by the time most men are worth keeping they are close to the end of their life span. lol

confusedblueeyes's avatar

@Coloma: Great, so it doesn’t get better within a couple years. Maybe I’ll just become a nun or a crazy cat lady lol

Coloma's avatar

@confusedblueeyes Well…it took me 40 something years to give up on dogs and get a cat. I was married to the boy that never grew up for 22 years….jesus…sorry to burst your romantic bubble my darling, but…there is much truth in what I say. ;-P

confusedblueeyes's avatar

@Coloma: I guess real-life love isn’t like the movies lol. Why did you stay married to him for so long if he wasn’t growing up? 22 years is a long time to stay with someone…

Coloma's avatar

@confusedblueeyes Oh, the usual, kids, money, denial. lol
Sometimes by the time you really figure things out you’re already in too deep. Hindsight is always 20/20. haha
It’s all good now, I am a happy girl! :-)

confusedblueeyes's avatar

@Coloma: I’m glad to hear that :)

Trillian's avatar

Red flags! Walk away now and save yourself a lot of grief.

Shippy's avatar

It could be that he is uncertain himself. I do believe though that we teach people how to treat us. I know it’s easy to say, but it’s true. Perhaps he is lacking in manners, or was unsure of how to introduce you to his friends. Lot’s of the suggestions are guesses, based on regular well mannered behavior. You should ask him though, why he is friends with a ‘dick’?.

Buttonstc's avatar

Well there’s truth to the old saying: “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck; guess what? It’s a duck”

Except in this case, just take out the letter “U” and substitute a different letter and you know what you’re dealing with. Any guy who badmouths one of his friends by calling him a “d*ck” is guess what?

Yes, you are finding yourself becoming attracted to a genuine, first class 24 karat d*ck. He is what he is. Accept the truth and move on.

There are decent guys out there and you deserve one. Don’t settle for the d*ck and waste time trying to deny the obvious.

Go find yourself an ugly duckling with the potential to be a beautiful swan. You’ll be a lot better off.

marinelife's avatar

Do not ignore the warning signs. His question about whether you thought his friends were cute at such a point in your relationship seems really weird.

Run, don’t walk, away.

ucme's avatar

I don’t know, but this definitely is.

CWOTUS's avatar

In the same vein, this one isn’t particularly helpful, and it might be a bit dangerous, but it’s not bad bad.

KNOWITALL's avatar

He probably wanted to make sure you didn’t think his friend(s) were cuter than him, it’s just insecurity and a lot of ppl are insecure. Until you get to know him better, use public places and go from there. I wouldn’t judge someone based on what you wrote above.

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