How the "Insert your profanity here" can I forget my past already?

Alright, so my pathetically shitty brain is still torturing me months after something is over, this is where having a great memory fucks with you. Basically a relationship that didn’t work out and I have no clue why, but I had strong feelings for her and obviously it wasn’t vice verca, and after all the time (and money I spent) t just ended, ok whatever I’ll move on.

The only problem is that whenever I even think of a relationship, or watch movies that have some crappy relationship part in it or anything relating to relationships, my mind snaps back to what happened. I remember the good parts and how I felt and then reality comes and slaps me in the face and I feel like shit and can’t get it out of my mind.

I know that finding someone else would help, sure, but I have to face facts. I’m 18, not attractive at all, don’t even have my own place yet, currently out of a job, and any sort of job I am interested in I wouldn’t meet any women, not to say that I would even have a chance, so what the fuck do I do? I mean fuck sakes I’ve had two relationships in my life (but I don’t eve really fucking count the second bullshit one), gotten laid once, and that’s by some freak of nature accident where someone was interested in me. I’ve tried damn near everything I can think of, this just drives me crazy and depresses me and I’m at a dead end.

Fuck, that first relationship was probably the jackpot, but I figured someone like me would be dropped off when better prospects came around, turns out that that probably wouln’t have happened, so in a relationship where I stand a chance I can’t think about anything but the fact that I’ll probably get dumped for someone more attractive, and in a relationship where I finally don’t thinka bout that it goes to shit for some reason.

Fuck I wish I could just get a lobotomy or something of the like to get rid of my fucking emotions.