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Deep27's avatar

I treated my ex badly in the end pushed her away to her ex. Can I get her back?

Asked by Deep27 (3 points ) November 20th, 2012 from iPhone

Met a girl who was a real treasure, fun to be with, felt comfortable around her and we had a lot of common ground. 
But I treated quite badly didn’t show her much affection, hardly met up with her always tried to put things off with her. I ended up splitting with two times because I knew I was hurting her, truth be told I was scared overwhelmed and thought that she was overly interested and I felt like I had to give her my time instead of wanting too.deep down I truly loved her but didn’t express this or show it. This went on for 6 months until I broke it again and said just find someone else I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Which she did after 6 weeks she contacted her ex and they decided to give it a go. 2weeks after they got back and 2 months after I left her I realised I still missed her and contacted her, she wouldn’t have it at first saying she is happy and that I messed up everything. Then after a week of pleading we met and it was like nothing had changed, we even kissed but she kept saying she couldn’t breakup with the guy again. After we met that time 3 days later we slept together and started seeing each other for 2 weeks, I already thought she spoke to the other guy apparently not. So the time came when she had to make a decision which she told me and she choose the other guy. She told me to keep us a secret which needless to say I was angry about. All this happened a day after we slept together for the last time she told me her decision and that he was coming over and that she couldn’t wait for that to happen.I was so upset took time of work etc , then sent her a long email explaining not to contact me unless she changes her mind. She texts me back straight away saying how hard it would be for her as her family would be so angry at her as well as the guy if she choose me etc.as she originally split from this guy to be with me in the first place. She said shes really sorry but could not do it. After we said some things we regret etc I basically pushed her towards her ex. I know in the future they will get married I told her this as that’s why I think he is coming over. Problem is I love this girl like no other not trying to put her on a pedestal but i haven’t met anyone else like her. I knew from the start it was deep I was trying to protect her and us she kept saying she couldn’t carry on like this as our connection and bond was strong and it was blowing her mind and mine. I just was expecting it at all.I haven’t spoken to her now for 6 weeks I don’t think she will contact me, I messed up pretty bad something tells me that she still feels something but then I also get the impression  she is happy and in love with her ex now. My friend who I spoke to about this alerted me to the fact that this could be the case. But I really miss her. I have been training exercising Regularly, making music and remixing, going to church and confession, going to budism seminars.brought some new dj gear.gone out with other friends who are girls, started seeing a councillor but still find myself missing her wondering how she is.it’s hurting me really bad. Question is do I have any kind of chance to reconcile with her I truly don’t think so as I didn’t really treat that well, in the end its her decision and how much she thought she loved me but the more I write this the more I think to myself it’s a lost cause.  But I need help. Is it a lost cause? I have been doing  so much to keep busy but for some reason I believe she still feels something but maybe in light of her new found love for her ex that no longer exists.it’s my faith more than anything that has got me through till now. It’s the first time I have posted if any replies do help others also then that makes me happy too

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8 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

I’ll be back when you shorten this and use breaks. Oh, my aching eyes.

Welcome to fluther.

wundayatta's avatar

Breaking up is horrible. And you hope and hope and hope, sometimes for years. It’s always worst the first time it happens with someone you really are totally gone for.

I believe that when a woman says “no,” you should take it as a “no.” To keep pestering her will lead to stalking charges. A lot of guys can’t give up. Some of them end up with restraining orders. From your story, it sounds like you’re getting close to that territory. So don’t do it.

All that is left is getting over her, and the only thing that will do that is time. You might also try meditation or yoga. You want to learn how to let go of certain thoughts that make it hard for you to move on. It won’t be easy. But it’s a better thing to work on than pestering the woman.

It’s over. She’ll respect you more if you let her go. Pestering her and making it harder for her to do the thing she wants to do will not make her really like you any more.

whitenoise's avatar

Welcome to fluther. I’m with @gailcalled on the text hints.

Deep27's avatar

I agree, but I have to say that I have not contacted since we last spoke, 6 weeks ago, due to my respect i have for her.

I just feel sometimes if she does truly love this guy then she would not of slept with me whilst apparently being with him. If she loved him that much then surely I would not have even had contact.

Deep27's avatar

Thanks for your replies too

jca's avatar

You could speculate forever about her relationship with the other guy. “If she really loved him, etc.” and you could still be incorrect.

As far as the text you typed above, I think if you went to a computer, it would be easier than trying to type such a lengthy thing from a phone.

marinelife's avatar

Work on yourself. Work on treating women right. That way this won’t happen again. You need to do some growing up.

If you get her back now, you will probably just mess it up again.

Deep27's avatar

Thanks all for your comments it’s really helpful. Marinelife I will for sure work on treating women right and also learn to love myself. I think through my character I lost the true real me that deep down loved her. I will not make this mistake again for sure. Thank you

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