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deni's avatar

(NSFW) If your partner had this issue during sex, how would you react/solve it?

Asked by deni (22139 points ) December 10th, 2012

You have great sex with whoever your chosen partner is. The only downside is that occasionally, in the heat of the moment, they will dig their nails into the back of your arm, or neck, or sometimes bite you. You do not enjoy this, and it hurts a moderate amount (not terrible). What do you do? Do you bring it up, ask them to stop, break up with them, ignore it…..lets hear it.

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29 Answers

deni's avatar

I, personally, do not see this as a big deal, in fact I take it as a compliment.

ragingloli's avatar

Choke them in return?

gravity's avatar

Some people like this during sex. If you don’t, you should tell them you don’t and to stop. That is what I wouldn’t do. lol

ucme's avatar

I don’t like biters & scratchers, that’s taking doggy style a little too far.

Unbroken's avatar

Hmm… Well I don’t mind a little nail digging or biting.
If its painful and not pleasure painful or just unpleasant like slobbery licking all over I try a couple of methods but first me pet peeve and how I handle it.

Visible hickies. I stop them immediately and after the event I bring it up. Like hey it’s tacky to have then and a pain to cover them up. I don’t want to share my sex life with the world. If this still is a problem I ask them if they are trying to mark me as a territorial thing. And say that that is sort of the impression I get when you do that. You can kiss and nip but don’t suck on me where I have to wear turtle necks/scarves or long sleeves to compensate.

Back to options there is redirection you can request they do something else to you instead in the heat of the moment. Do this enough and they should get the hint. Should be first step.

Saying Ow that hurts.

Later you can try to ease them into the idea that while you appreciate their passion and reciprocate it you find it painful. Or you could say something about drawing the line at drawing blood or something funny.

If they still don’t respect that then bye, nice knowing you.

Bellatrix's avatar

I would wait until you are sharing a quiet and reflective moment and not during sex, and say that I don’t like it.

creative1's avatar

I would just let them know that I love the hot sex but when it comes to biting and scratching it hurts and ends up ruining the moment for me when we are so passionate.

tedd's avatar

Just tell them you don’t like it that rough, and then immediately continue screwing their brains out.

No biggie. I have both had to tell people, and been told myself in the past.

hearkat's avatar

Mention it when you’re not getting busy, and say that it distracts from the intimacy for you. Then, if your partner forgets in the moment, just say “Ow” and keep going.

marinelife's avatar

I would definitely bring it up. There is no reason to be made uncomfortable during sex.

blueiiznh's avatar

Tough for me to answer that because I like that.

I would let them know how you are feeling. As a couple, being intimate is something that is a vital part of your relationship. Be open and let them know your dislikes and also let them know what you like and when they are doing something that knocks your socks off.
Learn about each other in a caring way.

Most importantly:
Practice, practice, practice, practice.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I agree with most of the above, speak up. All lovers have to be open to communication for maximum pleasure….maybe you can be ‘the boss’ one night and tell your lover exactly what they need to do for you. :)

livelaughlove21's avatar

If you don’t want to bring it up in an actual conversation, because you don’t want to embarrass that person, I would just say “ow!” whenever they do it. If they don’t get the hint after awhile, you’ll probably have to just tell him or her that you don’t like that.

My husband loves to be bitten and scratched in the bedroom. He likes the scratches to leave marks. I don’t ever do that, but he would dig it if I did.

burntbonez's avatar

What is the problem with saying, “ow” or “stop scratching” and then moving right along? If a guy can’t take that, then, in my opinion, you shouldn’t be boinking him.

Of course, if you like it, then you just play right along.

mazingerz88's avatar

I love being bitten and scratched but the last time was unacceptable. Some say it’s impossible to herd cats. Not true. Fucking one is way, way harder. : )

CWOTUS's avatar

This reminds me of the sweater I got last Christmas.

I would have preferred a screamer or a biter.

psyonicpanda's avatar

I actually enjoy the biteing, and scratching. So what you are describing sounds like a glorious experience. But, If you do not enjoy it communitcate, there is nothing wrong with saying @#$% that hurts, quite! And continueing your joyouse activity. Definately not something to break up with somebody over. That would be a waste of a good time.

El_Cadejo's avatar

I personally enjoy this so it wouldnt be a problem for me, but as others have said, I’d bring it up later not during sex and just tell your partner that your not really into that sort of thing. That’s just part of a relationship, finding out what turns both of you on and what doesn’t.

burntbonez's avatar

@uberbatman I’m curious why you wouldn’t bring it up at the time?

El_Cadejo's avatar

@burntbonez During sex I would just say stop but i’d actually discuss it afterwards. It’d be a bit of a mood killer/things could go awry if you tried having that discussion during sex.

burntbonez's avatar

Thanks, @uberbatman. I agree. Although I’m not sure what more there is to discuss.

tranquilsea's avatar

When anything feels uncomfortable during sex I stop it and suggest something else.

CWOTUS's avatar

@tranquilseaDinner and a movie? A cold shower?

tranquilsea's avatar

@CWOTUS lol cheeky fellow!

trailsillustrated's avatar

This has happened to me, I would just say in a hard voice, ‘no biting’, but keep going. He got the hint.

wundayatta's avatar

I would just ask her not to do whatever it was she was doing that bothered me. Then we’d move on. I don’t have a problem moving in and out of altered states. Especially with sex. If I’m with a person I truly love, there is nothing they can do that will decrease my desire for them.

deni's avatar

@uberbatman @psyonicpanda I’m in the boat with you guys on this one. I don’t mind a little bit of pain during really good sex. However I’m usually the one dishing it out. I’m a bit of a scratcher but I don’t have long nails and usually I don’t even break the skin, more of a “squeeze” really. My boyfriend for the most part has no issue and tells me he likes it but then every once in a while out of nowhere he’ll yell at me for going overboard. So I guess I’ve got to work on self control which is something I am terrible with haha.

ETpro's avatar

Just be aware that if this behavior is natural on the part of your partner, and not something that they are doing because they think they are “supposed to” or that you will like it, then bringing it up risks making them so conscious of what they are doing and how they’re reacting that it robs the spontaneity from the event and what was great sex with an occasional nip or scratch becomes humdrum sex that bores you both. Unless it was a serious problem to me, worth the risk, I’d do as @deni suggested at the very top of this thread, “Take it as a compliment.”

Ela's avatar

Bite ‘em back or pull their hair. Oh wait <rereads>… you said you didn’t enjoy it. Hmmm… <thinks> well… <thinks harder> Hmmm…...
Sorry. I got nothin’. I’m usually the one doin the biting and digging ; )

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