Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What's so bad about being a slut?

Asked by wundayatta (58357 points ) December 13th, 2012

What are your feelings about sluts? Have you ever been one? Do you know any? What is bad about dressing in a sexy way and having more than one sexual partner?

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40 Answers

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

In some periods that I was emotionally vulnerable, women took advantage. I am not mad at them, and I am still friends with some.

bookish1's avatar

Now, are we talkin about dressin like a slut or actin like one? I thought I understood what you were asking about from your question, but the link confused me.

I’ve dated proud self-proclaimed sluts. I’m probably a slut as well because I am open to polyamory and casual sex.

I thought we just talked about this recently, @wundayatta. I think you asked about what’s so wrong in having numerous sexual partners, or why people are judgmental about others’ sex lives in general. My favorite response from the earlier thread was “They’re jealous.”

livelaughlove21's avatar

On one hand, I say if you got it, flaunt it. If I had a body I was proud of and it was worthy of showing off, I probably would. On the other hand, you can look sexy without looking trashy or “slutty”. When a woman chooses to look slutty, it puts forth the message that she doesn’t respect herself. There’s nothing classy or (if you ask me) even sexy about a tube top, mini skirt, and over-the-knee boots, I don’t care where you’re going.

I think people should be able to wear whatever they want, but when you dress like a slut, expect to be treated like one. I believe I said something of this nature on the last question on the topic, but I can’t stand when women dress a certain way but expect to be treated “like a lady” – whatever that means. If you don’t want to be treated in a certain way, don’t present yourself in that way.

As for acting like a slut, it depends on how you’d define that. Do you mean having multiple, casual sex partners, or do you mean those girls who flirt with anything that has a penis, flash a room full of people, and display any other behaviors that just scream daddy issues?

You’re allowed to have as many sex partners as you want. It’s you, and your partners, that are at risk, and I don’t concern myself with the sexual health or reputations of other people in general. I probably won’t sleep with you, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t sleep with as many people as you want to.

As for the other type, I find it disgusting. I’m in no way jealous of these women. They tend to be sloppy, irritating, and secretly very insecure about themselves. I feel that if a woman doesn’t respect herself, why should I respect her? I shouldn’t, and I don’t.

I’ve never been a slut – as I’ve only had sex with one person and that’s my husband, but I do know a girl that gets a tad slutty when she drinks. I can tolerate her sober, but after a few cocktails she’s up on the bar, in half the amount of clothes she walked in with, dancing like a complete idiot – and she thinks this is sexy. Yeah, maybe to a desperate little boy who can’t do any better. The sad thing is that she’s married. She once scared away other female bar dancers during one of her little escapades and called out to them, “You can still dance up here. You probably won’t look as good doing it, but…” Yeah, classy.

burntbonez's avatar

It’s immoral in many people’s eyes. Christianity seems to disapprove. I think parents don’t want their daughters to get a reputation as a slut because they think she’ll never be able to get a suitable boyfriend or husband. I think it has a lot to do with reputation and status and the general belief that sluts are bad; have loose morals; and are unsuitable to hang around with; and especially unsuitable for marriage.

I don’t personally buy into any of this, but that’s what I think is going on.

augustlan's avatar

I think if you can easily separate sex and love, there’s nothing wrong with having casual (safe) sex, with multiple people who are also capable of that separation. If you or your partner(s) equate sex with love, though, one of you is probably going to get hurt.

I never dressed provocatively (mostly not, anyway), but I had a lot of sex and a lot of partners. I regret nothing.

Pandora's avatar

Honestly, whether you are a guy or a girl, it really depends on behavior. If someone wants to sleep with a hundred people or have group sex or whatever, it is none of my business. I’m more concerned with the disease aspect of it. There are people who don’t care who catches what from them.
Or people who are careless and get pregnant and have no problem getting 3 or 4 abortions or have babies born with aids.
Then of course there are the sluts who don’t respect marriages and feel a need for a challenge and try to sink their hooks into a married person.
I know they aren’t the ones who are married but why try to destroy a family? You can screw everyone one else. Want a challenge? Test a priest or a nun.
My point. Nothing wrong with being a slut until it hurts others. Single sluts screwing other single sluts that does not spread disease or end up in the death of a child or fetus, or ruin a family doesn’t bug me one bit. Of course I do believe it a sin but we must all make our own moral decisions and none of us are without sins so I won’t sling rocks.

jca's avatar

My first thought when reading this question was just what @bookish1 said – Didn’t you just ask something similar recently, @wundayatta?

rojo's avatar

Reminds me of an old joke:

You know the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A slut will f**k anyone.

A bitch will f**k anyone, but you.

Bellatrix's avatar

Is it Frisky Friday?

@wundayatta, how do you define the term slut? Is a woman who wears what could be called sexy clothes and has multiple sex partners a slut? Do they have to have sex with multiple people over a short period or can it be over a longer period? What is the number? Can a man be a slut? I need to understand what characteristics or behaviours make a person a slut.

rojo's avatar

@Bellatrix not answering for @wundayatta but to my mind a slut is a woman who acts like a man in the sexual arena.

Bellatrix's avatar

@rojo, how do men act in the sexual arena?

rojo's avatar

like sluts.

rojo's avatar

Seriously though, many (not all by any means) but many men will hit on anything with a vagina and take anything that is offered, or that they can get, sexually. When women do the same thing they are labelled with the epithet “slut”.

Bellatrix's avatar

Thank you for your interpretation @rojo. I am still interested in what characteristics a person should have for @wundayatta to define them as a slut.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Why does it seem that sluts are only defined as women?

I’m a man, and I’m a slut. I have multiple partners and engage in casual sex often.

I really feel that controlling a woman’s sexuality is a paternalistic capitalist mechanism to assure a property owning male that eggs fertilized by his sperm will receive his inheritance.

rojo's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake you can be a slut if you want and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be!

augustlan's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake Wanna’ form a slut club? Sluts unite!

rojo's avatar

@augustlan How about the slogan “Sluts for…...well, anything!”

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

w00t!

@rojo and @augustlan Let’s do this!

Symbeline's avatar

In the type of society that we’re in, it’s seen as bad because…erm, frankly I den fuckin know, homesplice. It’s just something you’re not supposed to be, I guess based on cultural morality? Often, sluts are also seen as people who see no worth in themselves and have no self esteem, so even for those who don’t bat around the whole morality thing, they may genuinely care for the well being, physically and emotionally of the so called slut, therefore resenting their behavior. Personally I think that’s the only reason being a slut would be bad; if that’s all you think you can be, and this society is pretty good at making you believe you’re some random ass destined to die in a ditch like a dog if you don’t snap in line, live accordingly and stuff. Of course, in a different type of world, being a slut wouldn’t be bad; it’s the whole expectations thing that sours a lotta shit up.
If somebody likes being sluttish, then all the power to them. No problem with looking sexy, even dirty, or having multiple partners or flirting around. As long as they’re mature and safe about it. I mean, I’m pretty sure you can be a slut and still know that safe sex is important.
That is, answering based on the details you underlined. A slut can be a lot of things depending on a lot of people.

trailsillustrated's avatar

tldr- nothing. nothings wrong with being a slut. when you get too old for it, you’ll know

ucme's avatar

Oh i’m a complete slut, if I were a woman they’d bury me in a Y shaped coffin ;¬}

bookish1's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake : Beat me to it, bro!
I really feel that controlling a woman’s sexuality is a paternalistic capitalist mechanism to assure a property owning male that eggs fertilized by his sperm will receive his inheritance.

It predates capitalist times, but it’s definitely about OVA AND PROPERTY. Yech.

@rojo: That’s the sexist and misogynist double standard. It’s not intrinsic to the behavior of either men or women. Society enables/praises men to do it, and punishes women who do.

Shippy's avatar

I find it interesting that females were mostly mentioned here. How they dress etc., whilst the term, which sounds archaic to me, refers to both male and females. So assuming a female slut dresses with boots and short skirt (whatever) what does a male slut wear that we can rip apart?

Jeans with no zipper? Or is it the way they flick their hair on one side. Perhaps it is when they wear no T shirt under a hoodie? I find it a disgrace that there is such a demarcation regards how females should or should not dress. I am not treated on how I dress. I hope. As most days I wonder around the Mall in my pajamas. Does that mean I want to sleep with someone. I mean literally, not sexually. Trust me my jammies are NOT sexy.

That is where idiots think rape is justified by the way you dress.

I do believe however there are appropriate rules for certain places, like dress codes. Work is an area I would definitely give consideration to, only because I would like to be taken more seriously.

I don’t judge anyone for sleeping around it’s none of my business. Unless they are hedging on me, they will get no where of course.

Blackberry's avatar

Nothing at all. We need more sluts.

rojo's avatar

@bookish1 I agree with you 100% and I also do not think it is right.
Ok, maybe 95% because I think it may be intrinsic.

wundayatta's avatar

I’ve probably asked similar things many times. It’s a topic of interest to me. I read the article I referenced, and thought to ask again. Does it matter why I asked?

Similarly, does it matter what my opinion is? I’m trying to see other people’s understanding of the term.

FWIW, I don’t believe that slut is a useful concept, and I don’t care how you define it. I agree with @bookish1 that it is designed to make women feel bad. I’ve met a lot of women who sleep around, which is one definition of slut, and have found them to be an awful lot like me. Many bipolar women have a lot of sex with a lot of men. So do bipolar men.

Does this make us bad people? Are we somehow different from most people in our urges? Is it something we can’t control? Something we don’t want to control? Something that is bad for us to control?

I feel a very sympathetic connection with many of these women. I feel like they are more likely to understand me and less likely to judge me for my past. Yes, men can be sluts, too. I think it is unfortunate that, at least in the puritan nations, we spend a lot of effort making people feel bad about themselves for their desires.

And personally, I don’t think it is about sex. Everyone says it’s just about sex, but I think that’s wrong. I think it’s about seeking a connection when you know you are unworthy of a connection. Sex simulates a bit of what you really want, but you can’t let yourself have what you really want. So you act in a way that people say is sluttish.

Most people think I’m full of shit when I say things like this. Doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It could mean that people don’t understand. Or that we are built differently and simply can’t understand each other. All I know is that I will die if I don’t have those kinds of deep connections with people, connections that are cemented with physical intimacy. I know that relying on one person for that is too dangerous. I lost that connection and nearly died because of it. But society does not condone multiple lovers. So I am back in a precarious position where if something goes wrong again, I will be in serious danger. I am a slut who is trying to be monogamous because I have a lot riding on my marriage, but I’ve be burned and am in a constant state of fear that this will end, and if it does, I don’t know what will happen to me. So I feel very unsafe. If this were a world where the concept of slut didn’t exist, then it would be easier to have multiple lovers and I think I would feel safer. Not so much on the edge.

rojo's avatar

Another aspect to being a slut that has not been mentioned thus far is that it is not just having sex that gets you labeled a slut you have to enjoy doing it as well.

Shippy's avatar

@wundayatta NOT that many bipolar women have sex with a lot of men or women by ANY means. Seriously I am diagnosed with Bipolar and I can never relate to you.(On that score).

Shippy's avatar

@wundayatta sexual abuse, substance addiction, sexual addiction, low self esteem, even high self esteem. Sociopaths, borderlines, the girl that drank too much, women who are horny, women who feel like using you for sex, oh the categories are enormous.

bookish1's avatar

@wundayatta : I think it’s about seeking a connection when you know you are unworthy of a connection. Sex simulates a bit of what you really want, but you can’t let yourself have what you really want. So you act in a way that people say is sluttish.
Oh man, that hurts. I think I know what you mean. I don’t think I feel unworthy of a connection, but I do often feel like I am statistically very unlikely to have the sort of connection I want.

rojo's avatar

@wundayatta I have never really thought of it as being an aspect of insecurity or low self-esteem. To me sex has always been about mutual enjoyment and entertainment.

Many years ago I recall seeing a poster on a wall at a party (I believe it was a Rocky Horror one) that said “If you can’t f**k a friend, who can you f**k. That struck a chord with me. I had never really given it much thought before that time.

I have remembered it and lived by it ever since.

Mariah's avatar

What consenting adults choose to do is morally neutral. There is nothing wrong and I hate the word and the judgment practiced by so many that use it.

wundayatta's avatar

@Shippy There are a lot of articles about hyper sexuality and bipolar. And I’ve heard so many stories both here and in my group. It’s really pretty frightening. You hear what people have been through and how they act out, and you know how close they’ve come to killing themselves. Maybe there isn’t a connection there, but it’s hard to imagine.

All I have to go on is how I feel. I know what sex means to me. I know how I have sought out relationships and then pushed people away reflexively, absolutely certain they would reject me soon anyway. Better that I control it than just wait for the axe to fall. So it never has a chance. I never have a chance. It’s compulsive behavior, maybe. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. But I feel like I have to be because I’m a bad person. At least in some ways. Yet these are the things I want the most in life, and they are wrong. It’s a mess. It’s like living on the blade of a knife, and trying to change your shoes.

Shippy's avatar

@wundayatta I find it interesting that you find so many “willing”. But society is needy, needy of love, acceptance, a sense of belonging. Probably in reality a shag is the least what they need?

I guess saying “Please shag me” sounds better than “Please love me I’m lost”

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Shippy's avatar

@wundayatta Just as well I don’t attend Bipolar groups. I always felt “left out” and sorry for myself!! Now I am kind of relieved. I get this image of people all feeding off this idea that they are shaggamaniacs. Sure I agree on that score (Hyper sexuality). For some strange reason I have been smart with mine, and it seems to work in cycles :P

cheebdragon's avatar

As long as both parties are consensual and single, I have no problem with people whoring it up. But unfortunatly when people refer to someone as a slut, it’s because they are fucking with someone’s boyfriend or husband, those are the kind that can just go die for all I care. I’ve had enough of that drama in my life to make me wish death upon them.

Pandora's avatar

You are forced to wear floss for underwear.
All your clothes look like they shrunk or you buy at a toddler shop.
Your butt gets cold a lot and so do your boobs so you are forced to find a guy or girl to keep it warm.
Wearing a button coat in winter is forbidden according to the rules sluts must follow.
If you forget to remove the floss when you poop you end up with chocolate—-wait for it——chips.
:)
You can’t charge for your services.

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