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ETpro's avatar

[NSFW] If you were a porn producer/director, what sort of movie would you produce?

Asked by ETpro (34208 points ) December 21st, 2012

TGIF time. Porn: Love it or hate it, you probably would change it if you could. I have to admit I love sex and I love voyeurism. But nearly all of porn is so misogynistic and contrived, if not downright violent toward women, that I can’t watch it. I tend to avoid online porn because so many sites are overflowing with the computer equivalent of STDs. But I’ve perused a couple of massive and know safe DR/DVD sites recently searching for the kind of porn I’d actually like to watch.

I have a clear idea what I would create if I cold script, produce and direct a movie. What the heck, I might even title it Geezer Gets a Pity-Fuck and write myself into it. But I don’t want to pollute the pond with my freaky fantasies and taboos. What do you love and what do you hate about current day porn? What would you do differently if you could make a movie just like you’d like to watch?

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27 Answers

Seek's avatar

I want porn movies. Good film that happens to contain smut. Characters I care about, riveting scenes, and then scenes where they get riveted.

And can the men be attractive at least sometimes? I am so tired of ugly dudes in porn.

Shippy's avatar

Was actually looking forward to your NSFW question today @ETpro and what a classic one. Thumbs up!

I would make my movie to be centered around real women, with real tits, and real bottoms, including bumps lumps and cellulite. But wait, very seductive, very teasing, black and white and suggestive. I see feather headbands and stiletto shoes, with old fashioned stockings. Like an artist would say drawing hair is the “suggestion” of hair not every strand.

After being bombarded with female muscles, fake boobs and fake tans this would be very tittivating to me. Plus these days spitting on women is very popular. Any one spit on me they would be one ball short for the rest of their lives.

Bring back imagination I say. With the fine art of Tease. Not many people know how to, you know ?

bookish1's avatar

Way to tap the collective, @ETpro!

You know, I was just doing some archival research myself.

I definitely hate the misogyny and childishness with which women are often presented. I also hate the shaving and 10% BMI that most mainstream porn seems to require in its models. There’s a lot of racial objectification that is a big turn off as well (from “Asian” women to black “studs,” you know the deal, ugh.)

If I were to direct a porn, I’d want all the actors to be friends or lovers and have visible good chemistry. I’d want them to enjoy what they’re doing, dammit. Sometimes I have to turn videos off because it’s such a turnoff to see a woman giving head like she would rather be watching paint dry (Now gay porn is another matter… They look like they’re actually enjoying it, what a surprise.)

Also, there would be no stud and twink dichotomy. I get so sick of that. Getting fucked by men doesn’t make you “effeminate.” It’s actually dead butch.

There would also be a lot of outdoor scenes and gay boys in bondage.

ragingloli's avatar

I would title it “Geezer gets raped by tentacles”, starring ETpro and the TRM3000 tentacle rape machine.

filmfann's avatar

It would involve aliens from Outer Space and star Natalie Portman and me.

Coloma's avatar

Potential titles for my directive debut on the microfarm:

Take me to your mamas farm.

Bangin’ in the barn.

Donkey dongs and sexy thongs

Little sheep on the prairie

Hot tub rub down

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

She’ll be cummin’ ‘round the mountain when she cums

:-P

Coloma's avatar

Rode hard and put away wet….that’s the weener! lol

Shippy's avatar

@Coloma I do admit, I am a little concerned about you!

mazingerz88's avatar

What arouses me to the hilt is the idea of a woman in a situation where she hasn’t been getting any and just about ready to get it and does not care how and from whom. A likely example is Kay Parker’s character in Taboo 1. That body of hers was just mind blowing and did not make sense that she was undergoing deprivation. Unfortunately, she fell for her own son. I wouldn’t do it like that.

I would have her, in her moment of utmost need, give all three of her Mexican gardeners a look and they end up plowing and fertilizing her. That sort of thing. Lol.

zensky's avatar

I wouldn’t mind if some of my fave TV series had sex scenes. STNG for example. Data

tedd's avatar

I think what this world needs is a sex-game show. Maybe you go on in couples or singles, whatever, and you compete in “sex” games for prizes… like the price is right but you get laid.

I would watch the shit out of that show.

Shippy's avatar

@Coloma well, more intrigued to be honest loll

ucme's avatar

My lil pony, he sports a bony, she gettin horny…me love you long time.
That’s the theme song sorted, now for a title…Ride A Cock Horse.

woodcutter's avatar

Space sex, horny cosmonauts. The money shots would be outa this world.

augustlan's avatar

I’m with @Seek_Kolinahr Real movies with real sex. One of my favorite sex scenes of all time was in History of Violence, which was a great movie in and of itself. Very violent scene between an angry husband and wife, but hot, hot, hot.

ETpro's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr & @augustlan I’m totally on board with the “First and foremost, make a movie.” movement. That was a hot scene, @augustlan ], but I wouldn’t want to make it a Daily Motion to be on the bottom while getting banged on a wooden staircase.

@Shippy You’re so right. There is so much in porn that’s anathema to real-world hot sex. The repertoire of unbelievable positions they go through, with the guy banging like a jackhammer for 3 minutes then switch, three minutes then switch. The fact the dudes seem totally unable to cum unless they pull out at the end of a 90 minute movie full of unimaginably hard thrusting, and bring themselves off by hand. Replacing all the contrived looking stuff with real-world believableness would be one giant step toward making porn both titivating and titillating.

@bookish1 How true. And thanks for the great links. Gay Boys in Bondage. That Shakespeare bloke was such a versatile writer. I really love switches of all types. Equal opportunity lechers, they are.

@ragingloli & @Only138 Sounds like fun to me. Take up a Fluther collection, buy me that TRM3000, and I promise to make video of it all, post the results, and give you all a link.

@filmfann I would definitely watch that movie.

@Coloma We’ve got to get Play-Mate of the Apes in there somewhere.

@mazingerz88 Great idea. It moves from scenes in the beginning where she treats the gardeners like dirt to the ending where they enjoy all here dirty treats.

@zensky What I want to see in STNG is the episode where some incredibly hot sex pot manages to engage 100% of Commander Data’s positronic processor. Funny they were able to make an android with such convincingly human attributes, yet they never could get the skin color even close to right.

@tedd Aside from news programs, it takes a lot to get me to watch TV. That would be sufficient.

@ucme How’s this for the remake of Blazing Saddles?

@woodcutter One thing that would definitely be easier in space is going 69. Intellectually, it’s hotter than the 4th of July but the realities of an Earthly gravity tend to render it uncomfortable for one or both partners.

ucme's avatar

@ETpro You’d certainly get a raw-hide riding that bugger.

ETpro's avatar

@ucme Ha! Imagine strapping that buggerer on a bucking bronco.

Seek's avatar

@augustlan and @ETpro Honestly… to be on the bottom of staircase porn, it would have to be Viggo.

ETpro's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Yeah, I can see the sexiness there. Just not with the Mephistopheles facial hair trim.

Seek's avatar

Yeah, that’s bad.

I definitely prefer the Aragorn

ETpro's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Oh, if he’s bi, me too. Share?

augustlan's avatar

I called him first. I will share.

Seek's avatar

Everyone’s bisexual in my imagination. I’m in.

ETpro's avatar

@augustlan & @Seek_Kolinahr I definitely think we have the start of something good here.

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