What should I do now? I feel bad...
I dated my brother’s friend for a month. We are both in our early 20s. He was an ass but so was I. I could never figure him out. One minute he wanted to be with me and said he saw a future with us, another he seemed like he was pulling away. Maybe I did things to make him pull away but he always seemed unsure with me even from the beginning. One of the reasons was that he wanted a sexual relationship but I didn’t until I was ready (since I am a virgin). I tried to get comfortable but I never could- I felt pressured some of the time, especially when he said he was thinking of doing it in 6 months. I told him this. Then I got overwhelmed with this and some other things and said some stupid things I wish I could take back, for example, I was having some doubt. Then he wanted to break up. I felt like I owed him an explanation so I told him why I was acting the way I was but he didn’t want to listen. When I tried to fix things, he said I was digging the hole deeper and that there were other girls out there. When I apologized for hurting him, he said I needed to figure things out and that if he was still single, he would like to try again. This kind of pissed me off so I told him that even when I had things figured out, I don’t want to try again. Then a few weeks later, his friend texted me saying he was thinking of me. I tried to be as nice as possible but I couldn’t stop myself from telling her what I really felt (I was a little pissed off). I told her if he wanted closure or to be friends, he was welcome to talk to me. He texted me and said he was sorry I was bitter and that he was sorry the break up didn’t go more smoothly. He mentioned that maybe his past relationships screwed him up so that when a good relationship came along he couldn’t make the right decisions.I met with him and he was not really apologetic for any of the hurtful things he said. Although I saw his kindness, he continued to talk about himself and what he wanted. It’s like none of the things happened. He asked to be friends and then in time when he earned my trust again, we could have a relationship again. I was reluctant but I said I would think about it. The next day I sent him a text saying that even if we got back together it wouldn’t last long because our relationship lacked respect (which I think is very important). I also mentioned that I felt bad when we were breaking up and I shouldn’t be because they were my feelings and as messed up as they were I had a right to express them and not feel stupid or be made to feel that way. The same applied to him. I said maybe the reason we couldn’t make it work was because of our messed up pasts but maybe because we wanted and needed different things. I continued saying that a good relationship to me was compromise. If I wasn’t ready in 6 months, would he wait to sleep with me? I finished off giving him two choices- be friends or move on. I wrote the text hoping he would discuss this with me like a mature adult but I never heard back from him.
I let go of the anger and I moved on but I can’t stop thinking from time to time I was really rude to him, even though I was just trying to be honest. I let my anger do the talking. Despite how he acted with me, he is a nice guy and I think I did hurt him somewhat.
What should I do? It’s been weeks so I’m pretty sure he’s moved on. I don’t think an apology is good right now (both of us want to let go of the past) but should I try to contact him to see if he would still talk to me?
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