Social Question

cutiepi92's avatar

How do you feel about couples where the female is taller than the male?

Asked by cutiepi92 (2219 points ) December 30th, 2012

I honestly want an opinion on this. It seems like people look down on it and I want to know why it even matters? My boyfriend is significantly shorter than me (by four inches) and when we go out I see people rudely stare at us every now and then. It upsets me so much because we both have similar personalities and get along really well with each other. However, the looks still make me feel very self conscious. It already took me a long time to be able to accept my height (I’m 5’9”) with plenty of people telling me throughout my life that I was too tall for a female. Even though my boyfriend is short, he is the strongest and most intelligent man I know so why should that be looked down upon? I am even ashamed to say that it took me a long time to date him because I was very fearful of the looks I would get, not because I didn’t like him.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

47 Answers

Shippy's avatar

Who cares how anyone feels? It’s how you feel that is important.

downtide's avatar

I am short and personally, I think I would feel uncomfortable dating a woman who was taller than me. But I don’t think it’s strange when I see other couples like that. My partner and I are the same height.

Blackberry's avatar

It’s wrong, and we need to enact legislation to prevent it.

Linda_Owl's avatar

If the two of you get along well together…. why would you care what others might think?

JLeslie's avatar

I feel fine about it. I personally prefer a man to be taller than me if he is my SO, but, height is not the end all be all. I actually do not like to be taller than a bunch of other women in a room either. It feels uncomfortable to me. I don’t like being the amazon women. So, it really has nothing to do with how I feel about the other person, like their height makes them appear more interesting, more handsome, more masculine, none of that, I don’t think any of those things at all. It’s more about me why I don’t like to be much taller. I would never judge anyone on their height to begin with, and certainly not on the height of two people who are a couple. If they are happy with each other that is all that matters.

ucme's avatar

I think it’s very considerate of the woman to allow the man oral entry without the need to stoop, can be particularly beneficial for those guys with bad backs.

cutiepi92's avatar

Well, I do think I prefer a man to be taller. We see that all the time in the media and just around us so naturally it’s in our subconscious to have a tall man and short woman couple. However, it just so happened that I met a good guy that was short. The looks just bother me…... I’ve been slowly getting to the point where I am learning to ignore them, but it still hurts you know?

JLeslie's avatar

@cutiepi92 Are people actually saying hurtful things to you? Is it that he is shorter than you? Or, he is very short to begin with? How much shorter than you is he? A foot?

How old are you?

gailcalled's avatar

^^^ 5’ 9”; 5’ 5”

Pandora's avatar

Funny you should ask this. I was in the grocery store and I saw this tall woman next to me in line. She was maybe about in her 30’s and I remember my first thought was, wow, she is tall. Second thought was she probably is thinking, wow, there are midgets in front of her. LOL I’m only 5ft tall and my daughter is 5’2. She was pretty much taller than everyone else near us. Then I noticed her companion. An older male about 40 ish and probably about 5’7 and she was probably about 6ft tall.

They didn’t look like they belong together but they were and looked quite happy. They also where of different races. I remember thinking. Good for them. Tall or short we all deserve love and its not about the package but about the heart and in my mind I wished them well.

So people may stare but it may not always be that they disapprove but simply because it isn’t commonly seen. Follow your heart and not small minds. If people ever ask you why are you with him; simply tell them, he is perfect for me in everyway and that is all that matters to me.

cutiepi92's avatar

Thank you Pandora, I really appreciate your answer.

And it isn’t that people outright say anything, but you can see the looks we get and it’s like people mainly don’t take him seriously because of our height difference. I’ve had guys outright hit on me and flirt while he was standing right next to me!

and @JLeslie we are both 21

burntbonez's avatar

You’re not asking about individual opinions, are you? You’re asking about the general perception. And unfortunately, I think you are right. There is a general prejudice that says the man should be taller than the woman, simply because, on average, that is what we are used to seeing.

So the question becomes, are you going to let the general social prejudice sway you? You know that many individuals don’t care. You see that here. Can you stand up to the disapproval? Can you? I would hope so. What does it say about you if you can’t?

JLeslie's avatar

@cutiepi92 Well, just know young people tend to focus on irrelavant things. So, the friends of yours who are being rude and judgmental will most likely mature over the next few years and if you dump a guy you like because you listened to them that would be too bad.

Since you are 5’9” (thanks gail) a lot of men will be shorter than you, especially if you have heals on. You just have to decide what you are comfortable with, forget everyone else.

You guys have that deal where you are model height, and if you happen to be gorgeous also, every time you are with a guy who is not gorgeous and tall, or if not those then rich, some people will wonder how the two of you got together, until they get to know you both.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @Shippy

Being a slave to others opinions is a shitty way to live. If you care for someone and they are a good match for you on the inside, the outside matters not a whit.

Pandora's avatar

Guys do that anyway. Being tall, I’m sure just makes you stand out more so you get more attention.My cousins daughter is about 5’9 or 5’10 and she is a beautiful girl. She always gets hit on when she goes out with her fiance, and he is about her height and muscular. I think most guys who take chances of hitting on women who are with their partners, really just think too much of themselves.

I stopped going out to clubs about 2 years after getting married because I got tired of getting hit on by drunk men and my husband got close to being involved in a few fights. You are always going to find cavemen in any society. Who think, me man you woman. Lets go!

cutiepi92's avatar

to go in order:

@burntbonez I am asking for both individual opinions as well as thoughts on the overall perception.

@JLeslie Luckily for me, friends of our are mostly supportive <—keyword being “mostly”. The whole is quite funny really because I think girls care about it a little more than guys do. I’ve always been approached by men shorter than me. The taller ones are the ones who call me “too tall”. I chose him for his personality, not his height. I think he’s pretty d*** handsome, he’s just a shorty. I try to go for the whole model thing though since I’m relatively slim (size 3). Still working on wearing my heels more lol

@Coloma Thank you. I’m trying to think that way

@Pandora wow, I never would’ve guessed many men are that way. That’s awful lol. Luckily I’m not a clubbing/party type of person. My boyfriend is extremely possessive. I can already see that turning into something if messing with a drunk moron smh

Pandora's avatar

Oh, they don’t always have to be drunk to be a moron. Some just ooze it naturally.

bossob's avatar

They may very well be staring at you, but you have no valid idea what they are thinking unless they tell you. As was said earlier, people will stare at people that they are not familiar with. I might stare at you. And I would be thinking: ‘I wonder how they fit together physically’. I think the same thing when I see a very tall man and a very short woman together. That thought comes to my mind because because I fit together more comfortably with a woman shorter than I. A woman my height or taller just feels awkward to me. So I wonder about other couples’ fit. No right or wrong or good or bad considered.

ninjacolin's avatar

If people stare, it’s just because they’re seeing something novel to them.
I don’t know why it’s so uncommon to see tall women with shorter men but it is. People stare at races they haven’t seen much of, at pretty flowers, and cute puppies alike. Of course they’ll stare at unique height matches as well.

Just smile and give people their chance to adapt to a new sight. They don’t really care. They’re just intrigued.

Pandora's avatar

@bossob So true. You know everytime these two go out they get a lot of looks and I’m sure a lot of ? marks about everyones head.
Shaq
and he is the tall male in the relationship. But anyone near him is going to get looks, even if he wasn’t famous.

Mariah's avatar

I think it’s a dumb thing for an outsider to have an opinion on. Who cares.

Lightlyseared's avatar

The same way I feel about couples where the man is older than the woman… Or the woman is older than the man, or they come from different races or different countries or different religions… I couldn’t give a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

JenniferP's avatar

I know a couple like that. If it works for them, more power to them.

mrentropy's avatar

I couldn’t care less. If it helped me go out with someone, in fact, I would personally saw off my own legs at the knee.

bob_'s avatar

I’m for it. Tall chicks are hot.

dabbler's avatar

Like @ucme and @bob_ I think it’s fascinating, not strange or wrong in any way.
Good on you, love each other and that’s that.

marinelife's avatar

Why do you care what others think? It’s not important.

hearkat's avatar

My ex husband was an inch shorter than I, so it wasn’t very noticeable, except in the rare occasions that I wore heels. I’ve dated other men much smaller than me, and also men of different ethnicities and gotten looks from them.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Love is tough enough to find as it is, so limiting our prospective partners based on physical attributes over which they have no control is silly.

mazingerz88's avatar

The shorter the guy and the taller and sexier the woman, the more impressed I am with the guy. Always makes me think he has something else really good going for him. Like good manners, kick-ass personality and a really big penis.

ucme's avatar

@dabbler The wife is an inch shorter than me at 5.11”... i’m well used to tall women.

bookish1's avatar

I’m with @bob_. Tall women are hot, and I happen to fancy short guys as well ;)

bob_'s avatar

@bookish1 Hey. How you doin’?

bookish1's avatar

Uh, just grrrreat, @bob_… So you’re into short guys also, I take it? ;)

bob_'s avatar

Uh, no.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Another vote for tall women hottness. I always like a woman that can look me in the eyes. And what skin is it off my ass what other couples look like? I don’t care if some woman dates a guy shorter than her. If they’re happy together more power to them. Date a midget for all I care.

ucme's avatar

I always like a woman who can rub me between the thighs.

Sunny2's avatar

There are many famous couples in wnich the man is shorter than the woman. Julia Child and her sexy French husband are the first to come to mind. There are movie stars too, but I can’t come up with the names . Maybe someone else can? Meanwhile, stand tall and look people straight in the eye. It’s their problem, not yours.

gailcalled's avatar

@Sunny2: Paul Childs was shorter than Julia and very sexy, but alas, not French. Born in in Montclair, New Jersey, he was urbane, well-travelled and a true Francophile, however. They had a very good marriage, both at table and between the sheets.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m 5’ 6” (almost) and my wife is 5’ 9” and we’ve been married 22 years and I don’t remember ever being looked at cross-eyed by anyone over this. Most of my girlfriends have been taller than I am. It just happened that way. It wasn’t because I thought tall girls were hotter or something. I was just attracted to these women because of who they were, and part of that happened to be height, weight, eye color, etc, etc. It seems kind of random.

I’ve had a few girlfriends who were shorter. Not many. Maybe it is some imprimatur passed down from my maternal grandmother, who always wanted my mother to marry someone taller than my father. I wondered if my wife’s height would get passed on to my children, but it looks like my daughter has stopped growing, a few inches short of my height. My son, however, is only about to turn 13, and is just starting his big growth years, I suspect. I hope he ends up taller than me.

Anyway, height is important, socially. Taller people do make more money and are more powerful. Congressional leaders tend to be taller, and so do business executives. It must be built into us, somehow, because I can’t see any reason why height should be correlated with intelligence.

So I admit that the social pressure is there. Man should be taller than woman. But it’s not that out of the ordinary for woman to be taller. And I have to tell you that the short men with the tall women—they are sexual dynamos!

JenniferP's avatar

My soon to be-ex is 6’2. I am 5’4. I have never dated anyone shorter and wouldn’t want to because I am on the short side already and he would be really short. There aren’t that many men that short anyway.

gailcalled's avatar

edit: Paul Child.

Sunny2's avatar

@gailcalled Thanks for the correction. I guess I misremembered. Or forgot. Or never knew, but I think I did read it once upon a time.

Fly's avatar

I’m also 5’9” and I frequently wear 3–5 inch heels, so I feel for you. I personally love being tall, and I don’t mind the looks that I get just because of my height- it just comes with the territory. I personally tend to prefer men who are my height or taller; while I admit that I might be initially surprised to see a short guy with a taller woman, I wouldn’t think twice about it! If it works for you, go for it, and who is anyone else to judge your relationship based on height? Just be confident in yourself and in your relationship, and don’t let the pettiness of others faze you.

Paradox25's avatar

This is why I so vividly oppose the concepts of traditional dating rules and rigid cultural standards pertaining to gender roles, yes they’re connected to what you’re asking here. When more people start doing their own thing instead of allowing society to dictate what we should like these types of stereotypes and prejudices will eventually fade away. Good for you.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I’m a tall lady as well, and I feel your pain. I’ve thought about this issue a lot over the years, and my opinion is that it’s all related to living in a male-dominated culture. As a society, the feeling that in a man-woman relationship, the man should be taller, stronger, older, better paid, etc, – all these are related to an unspoken feeling that the man should be dominant. I’m not saying people consciously think that – they just often vaguely expect it, and are surprised or experience some dissonance when it’s not the case.

The truth is the height difference doesn’t matter. Love is what matters.

I applaud you, and I’m happy to hear you and yours are choosing love and happiness over fitting in with traditional gender values. Just like society has come to change its values about a lot of things over the years (interracial relationships, GLBT relationships, etc) this too shall pass, and people like you are making it happen.

gailcalled's avatar

I see in my “hood many couples who have been married for 40 years or more. They are content, they push along nicely, they love each other. In many cases, the man has shrunk and is now much shorter than his spouse. It doesn’t seem to bother any one…neither them nor the community. It is a non-issue.

cutiepi92's avatar

I know I am late, but I just want to say thanks to everyone that answered. It gave me a new perspective into how other people see “different” couples and I will admit made me feel a little better :) I am choosing love and I know that’s all that matters. Thanks again everyone and I hope you all have a happy new year!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther