I love him but I'm not attracted to him?
Now I should be clear first before anyone immediately suggests a break up: I have been with this man for about four years. It’s a tricky situation. It took me a long time to initially get together with him because I wasn’t super attracted to him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not ugly. I just can’t find myself attracted to him as I am with other guys. I am ashamed of being so shallow, but it’s really starting to get bothersome. It doesn’t even really affect our sex life; he’s good in the bedroom. I just always find myself nitpicking at his appearance; he’s too short, his nose isn’t long enough, he has small hands, etc. I sometimes feel like I can do better (because I’ve had much more attractive guys approach me).
I’ve stayed with him for so long though because he is such an amazing guy. The reason why I ended up going with him in the beginning was because I started to realize that I didn’t like the idea of him with someone else. We spent so much time together and with him I’m so happy. He knows how to make me happy and it kills me to see him hurt. He has already told me a million times how much he loves me, how beautiful he thinks I am, and that he definitely wants to marry me. I really do love him and care about him, but it’s frustrating because he meets every criteria that I need my perfect man to have on my imaginary perfect man list except for outer appearance. I expected tall dark and sexy, not short, slightly overweight, but very cute. However, he’s extremely intelligent, has a good job, loves manga and videogames as I do, is incredibly doting, is great in bed, he have the same essential values, etc. He always puts me first. Plus, my family thinks he’s a great guy too. I love spending time with him and I would never cheat, I’ve just been on the fence about what to do. He’s not the type of guy where I look across the room and drool when I see him and I always imagined having that in a relationship. But at the same time, I know it’s really hard to find TRUE love in this world and he has ALL of the “inner” qualities I want in a man.
In previous years, I’ve talked to very attractive guys but I’ve never met anyone who matches my personality and truly cares for me the way he does. So am I “settling” if I stay with him if he meets all of what’s considered to be “important” in a long term relationship? We have taken “break periods” before where we were technically single, but I never found a desire to be with anyone else when we were apart. We just connect on a different level than I do with others…...we are best friends and have a great sexual relationship as well. I can go to him for anything….....I feel like it’s at a point where if we ever broke up, we could not be friends even in the slightest because we are too close. It hurts though because I know I’m not attracted to him the same amount he is attracted to me. I want to be, and sometimes I feel like I am, but then I look around and see other couples and I just don’t find him as attractive. However, I will note that currently he has been trying to lose weight and slowly he is getting to a healthier body type which I am very proud of. It has helped some. I know I’m a shallow b****, I already feel bad enough, but please help me? I feel like I would be stupid to let go of a man that loves me that much and that I get along with that well considering all the men in this world that aren’t half of what he is on the inside, but still…. My question to all of you out there: are looks really THAT important?