Can you manage an argument?

Great first questions, @LucasGrillon – you’ll make a fine addition to the fluther.

I have a real problem with arguments – especially when they are uneven “intellectually”. I tend to get frustrated and lose my cool quickly.

This happens quite often. I am too dumb to argue intelligently.

Welcome to fluther, and that is a fantastic first question. No argument there!

I can’t argue with my spouse of almost 40 years to save my life. We trigger each other immediately and go for the jugular vein. Many atttempts to learn constructive dialog through counseling have done nothing to rememdy this.

I’m much better on the professional front, though there are triggers that I’d still love to wrest control of.

Can you do it without creating further conflict? I’m not very good at this; I’d grade myself a “C” overall. I fail miserably in arguing with the spouse without opening old wounds or defining new battlegrounds.

If an argument begins, do you believe it must conclude before you get up? Depends. If the argument is about something that requires action to move forward, then we must resolve the issue or reach some consensus around resolution. If it’s an argument of opposing viewpoints where there’s little hope of resolution, I tire very quickly.

Do you interrupt while the other party is speaking? I’m generally pretty good at not interrupting unless someone has spoken complete and utter bullshit, at which point I speak right up ;-)

After attending communication counseling with three different women over the years, I’ve gotten pretty good at it as long as I don’t get blind-sided initially. If I get surprised, my emotions flare, and I’m screwed.

I see the most productive results when both sides express their opinions, feelings, whatever, and then walk away to sleep on it.

In the past I could not. I usually let my emotions get the best of me. This still happens occasionally if I argue with someone online, but irl I rarely argue. My husband and I have learned how to communicate without arguing, but it took us 15 years (out of a 21 year relationship) to do so.

By ending it amicably, yes. I despise confrontation & have a way of diffusing almost any hostile situation, certainly within the family & friends circle anyway.

@LucasGrillon I join @zensky in welcoming you to Fluther and in asking such a thought provoking question as your first venture in these waters.

I think I am better at it than some, but far from the diplomat I’d like to be. It’s a skill I work at every day, but have yet to perfect. I’m a work in progress, and approaching 70, perfection at maintaining my cool may be a bridge too far.

I echo my friend @ETpro‘s comment, including the welcome part. I’m new, myself.

I have to be very careful in my corporate workplace because I manage people and work with upper management types. Away from the office, I simply steer clear of people with whom I might argue. In arguments I tend to swing between being overbearing and wimpy.

I have trouble keeping my mouth shut if someone says something I strongly disagree with. I do tend to get into arguments, especially on Fluther.

In real life, I don’t interrupt people when they’re talking and I don’t purposefully disrespect them. I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion, but there’s nothing wrong with a little debate. The issue is that, once I start, I have a hard time letting it go.

I won’t get nasty unless someone gets nasty toward me first.

Yes, I am an assertive person and quite bright. I am also diplomatic and direct. I usually find others go off the deep end and employ the EQ of your average 4 yr. old when they can’t handle a direct discussion. I have zero tolerance for sloppy emotional arguments and as a rational thinking female I especially cannot stand overly emotive women that can’t stay on topic without falling into hysterical emotional “reasoning.”

I have been told I am intimidating, not in an unkind way but If I need to confront a situation I am a formidable force to be reckoned with.

Welcome Lucas! I’m pretty good at arguing because I stick to facts, and if I have no evidence I may voice suspicians but will not accuse. It’s hard for people to refute facts and evidence.