Social Question

SABOTEUR's avatar

(NSFW) GUYS: Do you make overt sexual references about women with your male friends?

Asked by SABOTEUR (11885 points ) January 12th, 2013 from iPhone

I’ve never had any friendships where this occurred. Just wondering if this kind of talk is common among men.

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23 Answers

ETpro's avatar

No, not unless someone else brings up a specific woman and the conversation seems to solicit my opinion about how hot/not she is. But will I engage in such conversations when they occur? Yes. Do they occur? Yes, but rather rarely among the sort of men I count as my friends. At my age, I haven’t the time left to fritter away with airheads that endlessly discuss things I probably can’t sample or profit from. If all my male friends were at or near my age, this subject, and the one that little head that likes to think endlessly about it, would probably never come up.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Well, occasionally a male co-worker will say something that I know I’m supposed to encourage further discussion about. What bothers me is how squirmish it makes me feel…like…what’s wrong with me?

It’s not that I don’t agree. More like I don’t feel a need to discuss it with you.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’m a female and I make overt sexual references around all of my friends, male or female. It’s not just a guy thing. I say if you’re old enough to do it, you’re old enough to talk about it.

bookish1's avatar

How else is one to aggressively assert one’s heterosexuality?~

blueiiznh's avatar

ummm..no

SavoirFaire's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I don’t think @SABOTEUR is just talking about sexual openness or sexual humor among friends. There’s a somewhat bizarre behavior among some men of engaging in a kind of shared voyeurism. An attractive woman will walk by, and a man—possibly even a total stranger—will give a look or a comment that other men in the area are expected to appreciate and/or reciprocate. It seems to me that @bookish1 has a good perspective on at least one aspect of this sort of thing: it’s a rather thin form of bonding that runs along the lines of an assumption of shared sexuality.

bossob's avatar

@SavoirFaire described the situation well, and @SABOTEUR described my reaction to the situation well. Maybe it’s just modesty on my part.

DominicX's avatar

My straight male roommates do, all the time.

Why just yesterday when two of them got back from the gym:

“Dude, how big was that girl’s ass, though?”
“So big!”

And I was surprised they said “girl” instead of “bitch”...

SABOTEUR's avatar

Hadn’t thought about this being some kind of male bonding behavior. Or even a mating ritual, huh?

Geez. No wonder I hardly ever got laid…never learned the rules to the game.

bob_'s avatar

Yes.

SABOTEUR's avatar

@bob Can you please make an effort to summarize your responses? A simple grunt will suffice.

burntbonez's avatar

I plead the fifth.

wundayatta's avatar

I have one friend who can be a real asshole. He often makes some pretty offensive sexual comments about women. But then, he’s always making offensive comments about everything. That’s his schtick.

Other than that, my male friends…. ooops, nope. Wrong again. I have another friend, this one a musician friend, who is always making off color comments about women.

The the thing these two guys have in common is that they both don’t have S/Os. They are both long time bachelors. They both seem pretty bitter about women. I figure they are bitter because either they’ve had bad luck, or because their relationship skills suck, or both. Some men seem to think women are so different, that they are impossible to understand. As if women are a different species. So from their pain and bitterness at not finding love, they get angry and make fun of women, especially sexually.

dabbler's avatar

Depends on the friend, but, yes with just a few.
It’s conversational and not obsessive, though—like, “holy cow! did you see what that outfit?!” We’re all married, and dwelling on topics like that is just pointless.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Well, this young man I’m working on this project with is single, so I guess it’s natural for him to be on the prowl. I think my reaction to the guy’s remark that he wanted to “do it” to the woman who just left the room added to the frustration I already felt about being teamed with someone who lacked the skills and the desire to assist me with this project.

And I’m quite sure I attribute unreasonable standards, in this regard, to other men. It’s a harmless diversion, I guess. I just don’t enjoy such discussions.

dabbler's avatar

@SABOTEUR Anyone who cuts to “do it” is a rank amateur. No subtlety, finesse or genuine appreciation. Kids, feh!
But frankly in the workplace that is a truly stupid thing to say these days. In a lot of places that could get you fired fast, for good reason. It does create a hostile workplace, is disrespectful of coworkers, and is unprofessional.
At a bar or out to lunch is another thing.

cookieman's avatar

No. I’ve always found that to be crass.

mazingerz88's avatar

Naaawwww…

Paradox25's avatar

No. When my friends/acquaintences get into that kind of talk I either avoid it, change the subject or say something low key. I’m not even the type to talk about issues like these or other sex related ones in public. I’m very private for the most part when it comes to anything dealing with sex, sex related issues in my life and how I feel about certain women in a certain manner.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Glad you chimed in @Paradox25. I was beginning to feel like a prude.

Paradox25's avatar

@SABOTEUR I don’t feel that it is anymore natural for a guy to be on the prowl than what I’ve seen of many women, when they really like the guy that is. Guys are more likely to act on this due to societal programming in my opinion, and evidence has shown that by the time a boy is two he is already aware of his ‘role’ as a male in society.

Also it is very common for people who are open with their sexual preferences and opinions to complain that they are judged for this by more conservative people. On the other hand it is very common for the former group of people I’ve mentioned above to constantly belittle others who don’t live a similar lifestyle to themselves. I know this because I’ve been on the recieving end of that stick. The mentality usually is there must be something wrong with them if you’re not talking about it or doing it, and if you’re a guy it’s even worse.

dabbler's avatar

@SABOTEUR and @Paradox25 I totally agree I couldn’t stand a conversation where it seems “something wrong with them if you’re not talking about it or doing it”, or if some guy is insisting on getting personal about it either their own partner or about me or my partner—none of their business. Folks like that are not likely to be my friends and I’m not likely to be in a bar or at lunch with them.

But guys I do associate with will have a few comments among us if we see some exceptional presentation.

Paradox25's avatar

@dabbler I’ve found that many people on the liberal/moderate end of the spectrum pertaining to sex related issues can be just as judgemental (if not more so) towards guys like me who do not partake in sexual adventures very often as conservative people can be judgemental towards those who put out more often. Now I’m no religionist, I’m not gay nor am I turned off by the thought of sex or women, but rather I’m a very emotional guy that does not get turned on the same way that many other guys (and even many women) that I know. I require a close bond with a woman before taking it further with them.

I guess that this explains the attitude I have when it comes to talking about sex or using sexual references towards women that I posted about in my previous responses above. This is also another reason why I don’t pursue women initially, because I need the woman to be a friend to me first. Just like any other person (regardless of sex/gender) who I’ve become friends with no one pursued or won the other over, but rather we mutually just hit it off. Many people who tend to get on my nerves with their pushy attitudes regarding issues like these have forced me to deliberately lay low key and keep my friends/associates circle very small.

I can agree with your last sentence, and I have thoughts too when someone gets my attention physically. I definitely don’t lack a limbido, but I don’t base all of my actions and behaviors from that alone.

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