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lightsourcetrickster's avatar

Can you recommend any good support sites for people who are in a relationship with someone who has Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder aka Borderline Personality Disorder?

Asked by lightsourcetrickster (1902 points ) January 12th, 2013

That’s pretty much the question in a nutshell. I tried googling the crap out of it, and all I’ve got thus far is a whole bunch of hateful websites that seem to be dead set against a relationship existing in the first place.
Also..support sites for people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. My GF has effectively ‘lost’ her therapist (due to organizational policy and government setbacks)? Any takers on this one?

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10 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

I’m not clear on what you think you’re looking for. Do you want support for yourself? Support for your gf? I guess it doesn’t matter.

I don’t know if there are any BPD alone organizations, but I do know that DBSA meetings often have people who are diagnosed with BPD. Go to DBSA.org and you can find support group meetings in your area.

The meetings are for both the person suffering from the disorder, as well as for their spouses and significant others. My group has been very helpful to me. And even though it says depression and bipolar in the title. we have folks with BPD and schizophrenia and other diagnoses in the group. I’m not sure if all DBSA groups are that open, but you can check.

YARNLADY's avatar

You can find many good articles and sources on the Psychology Today site. I have used it for research often.

Shippy's avatar

Don’t let those hate sites influence your relationship firstly. Is she on medication? Can she not fund therapy herself? Are there any groups she can attend for support. Often Borderlines do better with groups. Here we fund all our own therapists etc., it can be done. There might be cheaper ones around also.

mrentropy's avatar

If you can find a copy, “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger is pretty good at learning more about BPD. I found it helpful, anyway.

lightsourcetrickster's avatar

@wundayatta both. Thanks for the suggestions. I figured you might be one of the first to answer this question – and thankfully you were.

@YARNLADY Thanks I might check that out.

@Shippy I’m not that easily influenced. Online and offline. Truth be told when it comes to my relationship with her I don’t give a shit what they think. It’s not their relationship. My parents seem to have this problem with her that she’s a muslim. I don’t give a shit. They’re stupidly more concerned about Islamic extremism at the mere mention of the word “muslim” forgetting that being muslim does not necessarily mean being of the Islamic faith. They also aren’t too sure what to make of the fact she has a mental health condition, but their attitude when presented with that information was such that they appeared concerned in the wrong way – and to excess, again, I don’t give a shit. It’s my relationship. I find it worse when complete strangers put together websites that kind of demote people with mental health issues as being lesser creatures. Just who the hell do these people think they are?
The means with which to attend groups and suchlike was made available through the therapist. Funding? I don’t think anyone with a mental health condition that prevents them from working at the moment is something that is easily come by. This is a new development in the losing of her therapist so there is yet hope that something else in the way of suitable arrangements may be in the pipeline – I don’t know, and sadly neither does my girlfriend.

@mrentropy Thanks for the suggestion, I’m looking for an online version of that right now – I seem to recall vaguely seeing that title being mentioned before somewhere else – but I can’t remember where.

Thank you all for your answers – they have been most helpful.

HolographicUniverse's avatar

@lightsourcetrickster

Are you in need of a support website for your relationship or a community for your girlfriend?

Let me.begin by saying this disorder is best treated and managed by therapy, since her funding was cut I can connect you with a few brilliant workers that can offer internet based therapy at a reasonable price.
Soliciting aside it is great to seek support groups, individuals you can connect with, collectively and individually, in order to better manage your relationship and her condition.

http://www.bpdcentral.com/support-groups/

Bpdfamily.com

Are great sites, do you need specific counseling? A new therapists? Or just a community driven site

Bellatrix's avatar

@lightsourcetrickster i know you are in the UK so I looked up some sites there. I am guessing from what you are saying the NHS has cut funding so I think getting your girlfriend to talk to her doctor about alternatives would also be a good start.

Here is a list of UK sites. It might be worth writing to them for advice about useful support groups in your area AND options your girlfriend might have if funding has been cut. Other people, their members, must be facing the same problems.

Mind (there is a link to ‘Mind in your area’ that would be worth checking out for local options).

BPDWorld offers both online and real life support.

The NHS choices site might include information about funding and alternatives. If not, write to them and ask them what alternatives they have in place.

Sirius Project looks like a mental health advocacy group. Again, they may not specifically say they can give advice but if we are talking about cuts to funding that affect a number of people, their members will be affected too. They may have good advice.

And finally Health Tap this page is their BPD support group page.

I hope something here is helpful or leads you to advice and help for your girlfriend. I think it is truly awful how often the first things cut in our health services are funds providing treatment for those with mental health problems. Shortsighted and ridiculous.

lightsourcetrickster's avatar

Thanks @Bellatrix. You’re a star. So you can have one from me.
Sadly our government are more concerned about pulling in the money and asking for pay rises almost immediately after they’ve told everyone else they can shut up and suffer. Including laughing at the poor ,the sick and the disabled. I have never wanted to leave a country I can ill afford to leave as much as I have done for the last two months – and even more so in the last two weeks.

@HolographicUniverse Thanks for the offer but finances are tighter than they ever have been lately so sadly, your assistance in this matter is something that can be ill-afforded, though thanks for trying.
Community driven might be okay, but I would treat those with some degree of caution as a rule of thumb. So far the suggestions have been hitting the mark pretty well. Obviously I’m well aware that BPD does need professional treatment and like I’ve already stated, the loss of the therapist due to funding cuts by the government is a fairly recent development so things on that front may not need that sort of attention in this particular instance – I may seek guidance on this issue should the real need for it arise, but for now, it’s a slight concern not a major one.

Shippy's avatar

@lightsourcetrickster I hear you, I have Bipolar, and also BPD. Amongst other things. It’s been the toughest few years of my life. I live alone, and had no medical care of any sort. All costs money here.

There are sites, and my browser crashed which means my links vanished, but there is a site I will try and find again, that has online groups free. It is based in the UK. As soon as I find the site I will PM you the link. But there are groups for free.

Glad you feel that way about the relationship, as I see it, everyone has issues you know?

I do massage when I can, it buys my food, etc., other than that I find money where I can. Some people help me too. But ugh what a life. Kind of lost everything even my home. But soldiering on!!

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