Social Question

Shippy's avatar

[NSFW] What would you do if your new fantastic friend you just met was a ...

Asked by Shippy (9852 points ) January 16th, 2013

Let’s say you met someone, you got on really well with. You know, shared ideas thoughts, went shopping together, (or if you are a male watched the game together) confided secrets, fears, and great laughs, then she revealed she was a Porn Star, or Stripper or Call Girl?

Would you continue the friendship? or would you end it? Either way what would be your reasons?

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46 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

You say that like it’s a bad thing…

cookieman's avatar

(or if you are a male watched the game together)

@Shippy: Little sexist, no?

Anyway… It would not immediately be a deal-breaker for me. I would be more interested in their character as a person, which I don’t believe is automatically determined by what they do for a living.

I would certainly ask a lot of questions and want to know how this came to be and what the plan was – if any.

Shippy's avatar

@cookieman Ugh! whatever, just added that in to spread it over genders

cookieman's avatar

@Shippy: Sorry – I dislike sports and might prefer shopping. There’s always that assumption. No foul.

Akua's avatar

HAHAH I agree with @CWOTUS !!. I think I would absolutely love having a friend who was a porn star or stripper or whatever. I don’t judge people.

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

I would talk to them about it just due to being curious but I wouldn’t drop the friendship or anything just because of what they did for a living.

tranquilsea's avatar

I would absolutely continue the friendship. It’s freaking hard to find good friends and I’m not a job snob.

Shippy's avatar

@cookieman OK, OK, most guys I know don’t do shopping, we can make this a sexist thread if you wish?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

no issues, whatsoever.

Pachy's avatar

Only if I discovered she were an alcoholic, drug user, smoker or gun lover would I immediately end the relationship.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I had a stripper friend and unfortunately the relationship ended because of her drug use, not because of her job or anything.

Seek's avatar

I might ask for pole dancing lessons.

AmWiser's avatar

Wow! A new fantastic friend, that in itself is a keeper. There are many other reasons to drop a friendship besides someone being a porn star, stripper or call girl. Seriously.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Current alcohol and/or drug use, or religious fanaticism would end the friendship for me. The rest of her history would only be a curiosity.

There are an awful lot of good looking women on those porn sites. They are real people and don’t disappear into thin air when the camera stops. They have lives.

CWOTUS's avatar

There’s a semi-funny joke about this type of thing in the form of a letter to Dear Abby (if that reference isn’t too dated these days). You can substitute the name of any unpopular organization or profession at the appropriate place in the story.

Dear Abby,

I’ve just met the greatest guy! I am totally in love with him, and I think the world revolves around him. But now I’m hesitant about having him meet my family. You see, my father has been in prison for the past ten years for the murder of my mother’s lesbian lover. Since he has been in prison, Mom has taken to running a brothel to make ends meet, and my older sister works for her as a part-time prostitute when she’s not selling drugs. My cousins steal cars for their living and they spend their time in and out of jail or hiding from the law. My older brother is a US Congressman.

My question is: Should I tell my new guy about my brother?

I’m sure this joke has a punch line, and maybe someone else here can recall it or make up a better one.

FutureMemory's avatar

Realistically, I’d probably be very curious about her work and either rent one of her videos (if she’s a porno chick) or go to her club if she’s a stripper. Maybe even get a lap dance.

Akua's avatar

@CWOTUS that is funny and no not too dated in the least.

gailcalled's avatar

The call-girl aspect is fine; it’s the shopping that would be a deal-breaker for me.

mazingerz88's avatar

Porn star? Fingers…to…keyboard…Google…now…

gottamakeart's avatar

I actually know a FEW friends who have done porn. (I knew them 1st- the porn was revealed on two no thanks to “Tumblr” ) It definitly makes the friendship awkward for me- because I feel I’ve seen something that became too intimate after knowing someone as a regular person.

ONE friend however I have had a crush on from the start and seeing them in a “pornographic” photo has given me conflicting feelings. I was both turned-on and dismayed that they had done something with the potential to create a reputation or even interfere with an ordinary proffessional life.

I’d rather I DIDN’T know about my friend’s forays into porn. Now every time we talk- I have this image of them in the act. I’m tempted to ask them“why?” but feel that would only make the situation even more uncomfortable.

The one I have the crush on is the hardest to deal with since they present themselves as fairly wholesome and “PG”.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@gottamakeart My friend Sarah was quite wholesome as well…until she hit the stage apparently. Makes you think!

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

If I was really invested in the friendship then I can’t just walk away.

Ah heck if you can’t beat em you might as well join em.

I have a friend like that, but of course I am joking and I would never join. I’m not sure why she does the stuff she does, but she knows to leave me out of it.

bookish1's avatar

I’ve already had friends who did this sort of work.

Bellatrix's avatar

So what? I have already determined I like this person and we connect. So now I know how they earn a crust. Makes no difference to them being my friend.

tups's avatar

I would not end the friendship for that reason. I would end a friendship if it’s a lie(if the friendship is a lie). Maybe I would talk to them about it, because I want to know what it feels like and if they are happy. If they are truly happy, then I would just learn from them.

Shippy's avatar

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room That’s interesting, if she were a smoker you’d end the friendship?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Shippy I was thinking the same thing actually.

Blackberry's avatar

I would still be friends with them. The jobs you mentioned aren’t bad and I’m not sure why you insinuated such.

Shippy's avatar

@Blackberry I asked a question. I don’t have a need to insinuate anything. If I had something to say in a negative way I would simply say it.

Shippy's avatar

^^Although the part I find interesting is that everybody loves these professions on this thread. Yet if one them posts on Fluther they get slam-dunked. Isn’t that food for thought?

Blackberry's avatar

@Shippy If one of who posts? A sex worker or stripper? It is possible that a person in those professions came here to ask about revealing their profession to a new friend, afraid of judgment. To them I would say there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of and if their new friend were to judge them for their work, they weren’t a real friend.

Bellatrix's avatar

@Shippy I have never ‘slam-dunked’ anyone in one of those professions here or anywhere else. Some people might but it would be a generalisation to say a majority treat those who work in the sex industry that way.

In addition, your question infers that there is a problem with these professions or why would you ask whether we would dump the person as a friend.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

@Bellatrix

“In addition, your question infers that there is a problem with these professions or why would you ask whether we would dump the person as a friend.”

Why does that mean there is a problem? You simply cannot insinuate you know @Shippy‘s thoughts behind the reason for asking the question. You are insinuating that there is a problem by generalizing that @Shippy cannot just be wondering.

Do you know that sometimes we see something happen to a friend or on TV and that triggers a need to ask about it and wonder what our fellow jellies think? Your stereotyping @Shippy & that makes me question what gives you the right to hold a higher authority and be allowed to be all judgy, but if indeed you happen to be right & @Shippy‘s question does hold a deeper meaning like maybe @Shippy has issues with a certain profession…tbh who are you? No one said you have to answer the question.

Are we not allowed to have thoughts and opinions out here?

Bellatrix's avatar

Her question didn’t say “would you dump a friend because of their occupation”. Her question said would you dump a friend who “revealed she was a Porn Star, or Stripper or Call Girl?” If she didn’t think there was some reason why people might dump a friend for such a reason then she wouldn’t have asked the question.

She then went on to say “Although the part I find interesting is that everybody loves these professions on this thread. Yet if one them posts on Fluther they get slam-dunked. Isn’t that food for thought?” when another person suggested her post insinuates there is a problem with these professions. I am most definitely able to contradict this suggestion. “Everyone” on this site certainly does not “love” sex workers but everyone equally does not slam-dunk them.

I am expressing my opinion and I have as much right to query or dispute someone else’s “opinion” as anyone else. Including you or @Shippy.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

Yes you are expressing your opinion, I understand that. I think you are reading way more into it. @Shippy wants to know if you would dump a person as a friend because of the mentioned occupations, what’s wrong with wondering? But that doesn’t automatically mean @Shippy thinks there is something wrong with certain professions.

I just don’t think it’s fair that you judge a person that maybe you don’t even know. Its unfair because you can’t hear a persons expressions on the internet. That part is up to you.

And this comment: “Although the part I find interesting is that everybody loves these professions on this thread. Yet if one them posts on Fluther they get slam-dunked. Isn’t that food for thought?”

Maybe that is what shippy has encountered here on fluther, kind of like if you are religious and state that on fluther, you instantly start a debate with many other jellies it’s why I left fluther once before almost a year ago.

I just don’t think you need to take it so personal, but I did that once too, so who am I really.

CWOTUS's avatar

To be fair, @Shippy, I have attempted to give the one-man heave-ho to someone who, as a new user to Fluther, asked “How can I get my wife to accept a threesome?” or something like that.

I objected on the grounds that I don’t want to be complicit – or have Fluther known as – as a procurer, not because I give two hoots about how someone wants to treat his wife and their throwaway sex partner. (No, I do not care for the idea of throwaway sex partners or those who use them, but I’m not going to judge someone who accepts that as their lot in life.)

Bellatrix's avatar

@nofurbelowsbatgirl, you just wrote “You simply cannot insinuate you know @Shippy‘s thoughts behind the reason for asking the question. You are insinuating that there is a problem by generalizing that @Shippy cannot just be wondering.” Now unless you are speaking for @Shippy, aren’t you doing the same thing? How do you know what @Shippy‘s thoughts were behind the question? My interpretation of the question as it is written is that it infers that people might have a problem with a friend admitting they are a sex worker. You may interpret it differently but you have no less or more right to call me out because because my interpretation is different from yours. If you disagree, fine. I don’t know that you should speak for @Shippy though.

You go on to say it isn’t fair to judge a person. I haven’t judged @Shippy. I responded to her question and my interpretation of it. You are the person doing the judging here.

As to whatever @Shippy has encountered, why are you speaking for her? She made a generalisation. I pulled her up on that.

Perhaps your response here is more related to your own feelings about the site than @Shippy.‘s When we ask a question or make a post we open ourselves up for a variety of responses. Not everyone is going to agree with us. You don’t agree with me (and the other member who also inferred the post had negative connotations about sex workers). Again, that’s fine. Nobody has the right to be exempt from disagreement here. However, the idea that we can all put forward our opinions and thoughts goes both ways. We can also all have those opinions challenged.

As to taking things personally – I’m not. You took umbrage with my response to another member and decided you needed to step in to argue what they meant. My original post to that other member expressed my opposition to some of the suggestions they made in that post.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

I’m not sure how I’m doing the same thing. I’m not speaking for shippy, that’s just who asked the question so it made sense I guess to personalize it. I don’t know shippys thoughts I just was posing what could be another option besides just the idea that shippy has a problem with those certain professions.

One of the “professions” that is mentioned is illegal so technically yes some people might have a problem with that. And what’s the big deal with having a problem with that?

Not to mention the professions mentioned in the question can generate different answers depending on a persons morals.

I understand I stepped in and I’m not taking your response personal. I guess I was just really wondered what’s the big deal if someone does have a problem with these professions?

I just don’t get the point. I’m also going on 2hrs of sleep so please forgive me :/

ETpro's avatar

@Shippy Wait… Here I am about to turn 69, and a lady attractive enough to get $1,000 a pop wants to give it to me? What’s not to love about that? I’d just want to be sure she had a working knowledge of how to prevent STD transmission, and practiced it.

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t see why I’d end my friendship with them if they were a call girl, porn star or stripper.

Shippy's avatar

I thought my question was interesting, simply because we all know there can be judgement on that type of profession.My own feeling or thoughts were not revealed in the question. That is the point. I asked if you would continue the friendship and if not, or if you would what would be your reasons for doing either. There were some genuinely interesting answers and I was surprised at how many said they would not dissolve the friendship. Bar the fact that some took drugs, but then any professional people can do that. That is a fair comment. All were fair comments. But I do hate to be told I am insinuating something when I am not. Plus I have been at Fluther before and recently there was a question regards a call girl and she got knocked over the head. (so to speak). In the long ago past there was a call girl here too, who also did. So I found the answers interesting. I do realize that the question content on those users could sway their answers, or mine even at that point.

Clearly if I had asked would you continue a friendship with an office worker the question would have left everyone puzzled.

I am more curious about how people react to revealing things they might withhold in a new friendship. That was really the point of the question. And when I said previous people had been insulted it was a true statement but not by everyone. So it is food for thought.

So to clear that up, I don’t insinuate I have balls enough to ask it how it is, I was interested in peoples thoughts. I certainly would never put thoughts in someones head nor infer things regards their questions. That is uncalled for.

And by the way, I was pleasantly surprised at how many people said they would continue the friendship. They all got GA’s from me. So really?

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

I would love to know which part of the question insinuates that Shippy says there is anything wrong. A couple of the posters on here need to actually read the question before going so wide of the mark that they almost landed on Answerbag by accident.

People can ask a question out of curiosity and for no other ulterior motive and some people seem to forget that. I asked a question yesterday about what would be in your perfect room and I asked out of curiosity not because I’m secretly an interior designer and had ran out of ideas.

tedd's avatar

If it’s just a friendship, then sure why not? I’ve nothing against those professions. In fact it may make me more interested in continuing the friendship if only for the stories and benefits it would surely bring.

I would not however engage in a romantic relationship with someone who was in, or had been in, those professions.

SavoirFaire's avatar

One of my best friends in the world was a stripper for almost a decade. It was never a problem. I would never drop someone for being a stripper, porn star, or call girl. Not only do I not think that there is anything wrong with those jobs, I don’t think that the jobs need to define the person.

lightsourcetrickster's avatar

I don’t see how an opinion on someone’s job should effect someone’s friendship with another person in this particular context.

Arewethereyet's avatar

I’ve never met anyone who has done this sort of work before (I’ve lived ad somewhat sheltered life) but if I did I’d be fascinated not put off. I would expect that they would have codes of conduct and privacy so wouldn’t fish for details or anything, but like anyone I meet if I’m really interested in them i would have no problems at all.

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