Social Question

heyimlyn's avatar

Why do people hate me for who I am?

Asked by heyimlyn (25 points ) January 28th, 2013

Why do people hate me for who I am? Why is it hard to find friends? When I’m being myself and trying to make friends, some girls will say I’m a bitch and just seeking attention.

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23 Answers

SABOTEUR's avatar

Without any details, it’s hard to give a proper response. Care to elaborate?

bookish1's avatar

Hey Lyn, welcome to Fluther. Maybe people here could give you some good advice if you gave us more context. How old are you? Where are you trying to make friends? What sort of approaches do you use to make friends? Trying to find new friends at work or in a new town is radically different from trying to make friends in… middle school shudders at the memory.

chyna's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.
It would be hard to answer your question from the little information you have given us.
Maybe you can expand on your information. What do you do right before they call you a bitch? Are you a mean girl? Are you a friend to them? To have a friend you have to be a friend first.

Judi's avatar

It sounds cliche but to have a friend you have to be a friend. You have to genuinely be interested in the other people and put yourself in second place. If they think you’re a bitch then I would bet you are seeking friends for what you GET rather than for what you can give.

flo's avatar

You really need to give us some details.

marinelife's avatar

Do you actively listen to others?

Are you genuinely interested in other people and what they care about?

Friendship is about giving.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
YARNLADY's avatar

Maybe you are hanging around the wrong people. Try to find a different group. Perhaps do some volunteer work or get involved in a charitable cause.

Pachy's avatar

Not enough details, but are you certain people hate you? That’s a pretty big generalization. Think about that and then re-read @marinelife‘s excellent comment.

SuperMouse's avatar

How old are you? What gives you the idea that people hate you? Have they come right out and told you they dislike you? Have they ever given any reasons for their hatred? We really need more info to be able to answer your question properly.

snowberry's avatar

It’s impossible to have any clue since you really didn’t give us any details. But one more possibility could be that you are at the bottom of the pecking order. I was always the underdog in school, and that invisible placard seemed to hang around my neck from one school year to the next. I wasn’t ever actually bullied, but I certainly was shunned, and it wasn’t until I graduated high school that I really began to make friends.

Could this be it?

heyimlyn's avatar

I’m in high school. Well, I get the FACT that they hate me by giving me cold looks, ignore any questions I asked them and laugh at my mistakes. And I have another problem, I’m unsocialable. I’m too shy talking to a stranger face to face. Need more details?

cheebdragon's avatar

If people keep telling you that you’re a bitch, it’s because you are. You can be yourself without being petty, judge mental, rude or obnoxious. Tone it down a bit.

Pandora's avatar

They probably mistake your unsocial behavior for being a snob. Shy people are often mistaken for being snobs. Especially in high school. By any chance are you in advance classes?
If you are than that would explain why they laugh at you when you make mistakes.

cheebdragon's avatar

↑ I have a habit of looking at people like they are stupid, sometimes it’s because I think they are stupid, but mostly it’s just because I’m very expressive with my eyebrows, lol.

Pandora's avatar

@cheebdragon Been there. In high school, I really was a bitch so I didn’t care what anyone thought. I mostly remember just getting though my classes and going to work at 2.30 everyday. It wasn’t that I thought I was better but I didn’t have extra time to waste on people I figured I wasn’t going to even remember their names, a year after graduating.

cheebdragon's avatar

It’s rare for friendships to last beyond high school. Have you tried hanging out with boys instead? Girls will stab you in the back over nothing, but if you have a good friendship with a boy, you can bet good money that he will have your back for life.

burntbonez's avatar

When you lead with “why do people hate me for who I am,” you have lost before you started. You haven’t given yourself a chance. You have framed the vision of you as a hateful person.

Try thinking about yourself as lovable. If you want to know how to do that, as the question. It is quite possible.

josie's avatar

Are you, in fact, a bitch and just seeking attention? If so that might be the beginning of an explanation.

Mariah's avatar

What sort of behavior is it that is getting these reactions?

Despite what teen books will tell you, my opinion is that there needs to be a balance. “Be yourself” is a nice message, but sometimes “yourself” isn’t a nice person (not saying you’re not – I have no idea because I don’t know you). I think we should always strive to be good people, and if we have some bad natural tendencies, just “being yourself” probably isn’t what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with being self-critical and seeking to improve.

Honestly though, probably what’s happening is ordinary awful high school kids being ordinarily awful. Life gets better after high school, hon. :)

heyimlyn's avatar

I never wanted any attention from anyone. I just want friendships. @Pandora my story is a bit like yours. I’m not in advance classes just regular class.

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bookish1's avatar

@heyimlyn, have you considered any clubs, sports, or volunteer groups? High school is brutal, kids are learning to be assholes to each other more explicitly than adult society will usually sanction, and many cliques have been together since middle school and are not looking for new members. You don’t want to associate with judgmental superficial people, anyway.

You might have better luck meeting people who are more open to new friendships if you have a common interest, like track, theater, chess club, etc.

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