General Question

Supergirl's avatar

Toughest year of marriage?

Asked by Supergirl (1669 points ) June 10th, 2008

What has been/was your toughest year in your marriage? Why was it the toughest year?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

9 Answers

Dog's avatar

Honestly?

Every year has been the hardest – and the best. Marriages take a lot of work.

Interestingly though in the worst of times (deaths in family etc.) we have pulled together more.

glial's avatar

The last.

skfinkel's avatar

I have always heard the first year, but that was before people were living together. Now, who knows? The hardest year may never come.

Vincentt's avatar

@glial – damn, I wanted to say that! xD

Harp's avatar

It would have been around year #8 (out of 26 so far). We had just moved back to the States after several years living overseas; I was working long hours at a new job, while my wife was home all day with our 2 year old; my wife got pregnant with our second kid; and, to top it off, I started practicing Zen.

This was a huge dose of change for both of us, but it was all pretty devastating for her. She took my new religious interest as a sign that I was withdrawing from her somehow (I wasn’t), and she had no friends in this new place to lean on. Just the stress of dealing with the kid, and another on the way.

We weathered that one, though there are still a few buried scars there, I think.

marinelife's avatar

Marriage is a continuum with cycles. What is a tough year for some may not be for others depending on what else is going on in the couple’s lives. For us, it was year four after we had made a cross-country move, I was working 70 hours a week and hubby had not found work he liked. Some couples at the start-up I worked for (which was mostly single people) had affairs and split up. When I saw that happening, I knew I didn’t want that, and we talked and made a conscious effort to work on our marriage.

Then in year 22, my husband had a mid-life crisis. At the same time, my sister died. I really had no emotional reserves to deal with it, but he took a hard look and realized he wanted to stay married. We both worked on our marriage. Each time we have come through a crisis, our relationship is strengthened and more honest.

No marriage breezes along problem-free forever. Both parties have to be willing to hang in there and work it out. The rewards for that hard work are real intimacy and mutual respect to go with the love.

nocountry2's avatar

Thanks for the inspiration, Marina…just hit the one-year

scamp's avatar

Don’t forget about the “7 year itch”! Congrats on your first anniversary nocountry2 .

Jeruba's avatar

It might have been the twentieth. That was a long time ago.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther