Social Question

CugelTheClueless's avatar

Your place or theirs?

Asked by CugelTheClueless (584 points ) February 1st, 2013

Say you’ve met somebody you’re attracted to, and the attraction is mutual. You’re ready to get physical. Where do you go for your first time together—your place or hers/his? And does it make a difference what kind of encounter it is (a casual hook-up or what you hope will be a long-term relationship)? Women: How do you feel if a man suggests you and he go to your place instead of inviting you to his place?

I’m male, and 75% of my “first times” have been in her bed, which I prefer, but only once at my suggestion.

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28 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

My experience is that the women feel more in control of the situation if it is at their place – where they are comfortable (and they know that the pepper spray is in the top drawer of the nightstand).

MadeiraBoo's avatar

I don’t know why but I’ve always gone to his place for a first time together. Maybe I’m weird.

I can but hope that the encounter will maybe lead to a long-term relationship, but realistically, most of the fellas I have met in the past have just wanted to get their leg over and I was fine with that at the time.

I would much prefer to go to the guy’s place instead of having him round at mine. For starters, I live with my mother and that would be SUPER embarrassing.

I don’t have to worry about any of this now, thankfully!!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I never thought about it until you asked but 99 percent of mine have been at my house or college room. I’ve never been to a woman’s place. (One was at a friends house.)

wundayatta's avatar

It’s a matter of practicality. In my case the first time has been many different places, including a tent, an apartment we already shared as roommates, my place, her place, her place because I already had a girlfriend at home, an inn, and so on. It had to do with where we could meet, really. Shoot, sometimes it happened in the grasses or the bushes and of course, the back seat of the car I don’t know how many times.

Seek's avatar

Casual hook-ups should be in neutral territory. No, thank you, stalkers/potential serial killers.

MadeiraBoo's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Neutral territory?

bookish1's avatar

In principle, it doesn’t really matter to me. I’ve done both (also at their parents’ house, a friend’s house…)
If it’s an unexpected encounter, I’d rather it be at their place, because my apartment gets routinely trashed when I am working all week, and I need time to straighten up before I feel right about inviting someone over. Similarly, if it’s expected to be casual or a one-time thing, I’d rather head over to their place, so I have control over when I leave.

Seek's avatar

@MadeiraBoo Don’t go to their den of iniquity, and don’t let them know where you live.

MadeiraBoo's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Ah, yes. Well I guess that makes sense. Thank you for clarifying.

CugelTheClueless's avatar

@bookish1 Yes, that’s my issue too. I’m afraid my poor housekeeping and secondhand furniture might kill the mood.

I should have added hotel room or other place as an option in my question.

burntbonez's avatar

Restaurant bathroom, locked closet, unused staircase, abandoned house, middle of the dance floor…

Honestly, I don’t think people much care any more. They’ll do it anywhere.

Me? If I had the chance, I’d want a nice, clean bed. That pretty much means I’d have to…. “get a room.”

Shippy's avatar

My place, this is where all my Goddess props are ;)

but then he better get dressed and piss off afterwards

KNOWITALL's avatar

Depends on roomates, if he has roommates and you don’t, I’d go to your place. Otherwise I never cared really, but usually it was my place.

bookish1's avatar

@KNOWITALL : Ugh, ROOMMATES! I had at least one, sometimes more, all 4 years of college. I’m so glad to be living on my own now, among other reasons because I don’t have to ask permission to have sex!!!

KNOWITALL's avatar

Nothing like going to see your new lover for the first time and he greets you with five guys in the room staring at you like a piece of juicy meat…lol

Seek's avatar

Sounds like the opening of a zombie porn script.

CugelTheClueless's avatar

So it’s not presumptuous of a man to say, “Let’s go to your place”? I’ve only done this once, and it worked, but I felt like I ought to invite her to my place instead of trying to invite myself to hers. But my place was unpresentable at the time.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It’s always been at my place. I only had sex with women I would be happy to invite into my home.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@CugelTheClueless No it’s not at all, to me anyway.

Unbroken's avatar

I usually want to go to theirs. The reason I have some level of trust for a person if I am going to have sex.

I also want more insight into them. What is in his house, his collections, neatness and some insights into him. It actually makes me feel more in control.

Also I so rarely have sex or sex partners I usually have to adjust to spending the night together. This way I can leave when I want and not have to worry about having to face the uncomfortable dlemma of kicking them out as opposed just being uncomfortable.

Coloma's avatar

My place, I am the woman in charge.
I’ve kicked more than a few guys out into the wilderness over here.lol

JHUstudent's avatar

Should be her house. A girl seems desperate and easy if they agree to go to the guy’s place. Given equal accessibility to both places, of course.

Unbroken's avatar

@Coloma Go you. I admit, I have done it once or twice, even prior to sex. I used to keep alcohol in the house for that purpose. It made me feel better for some reason. lol

Mariah's avatar

So far I’ve only had sex at my place, and it’s mostly because I only have one housemate as opposed to his three. And she goes home on the weekends.

I like and am comfortable with this situation. It’s nice to hose off or take care of whatever other sanitary things afterwards in my own environment.

Only thing I don’t like is dat wet spot.

Unbroken's avatar

double post…

Unbroken's avatar

@Mariah yup I agree. Changing the sheets everyday seems excessive to.

I have tried towels with limited success. Or using something other then the bed.

But over all having sex in his bed illiminates my problem other then who has to sleep on the wet spot. Or cover it up. But I like cool crisp sheets to sleep on.

Roommates can be difficult and awkward. Glad you have an ok arrangement.

CugelTheClueless's avatar

@rosehips “I also want more insight into them. What is in his house, his collections, neatness and some insights into him.” That’s why I’d rather do it at her place. I don’t want some woman judging me before we’ve even had sex (more than she already has in deciding to go out with me in the first place).

Unbroken's avatar

@CugelTheClueless In that case you are probably hoping for more then a one night stand. In which case she will find out anyway.

I know what you mean though if I bring a male into my home that I intend to have sex with it feels like an invasion. It didn’t always but for some reason it does now.

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