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rojo's avatar

Are you more forgiving the second time around?

Asked by rojo (13874 points ) February 6th, 2013

I had a friend tell me that in a second marriage, particularly one which is a second for both parties, you tread lighter because you know from experience that you can each survive on your own. So, you make allowances and ignore things that would have set you off in the first one in order to stay together.
It almost seems that it would be the opposite, that knowing you can make it on your own would make you more independent and uncompromising.
What are your thoughts or what has been your experience in this situation.

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7 Answers

Shippy's avatar

I’d like to think one learns from ones mistakes. Possibly one of the biggest mistakes is lack of communication. So if I were to marry again, I’d certainly not make that mistake again.

janbb's avatar

Yes – it I were to marry again, it would have to be someone with whom I could talk about issues. I think I would be more assessing going into the relationship than I was the first time.

marinelife's avatar

Having a first bad marriage, I learned a lot about communication that helped in my second marriage.

janbb's avatar

My “yes” was actually an agreement with @Shippy‘s statement rather than the one in the OP.

SuperMouse's avatar

I am less forgiving this time around and less willing to settle. I sublimated a lot in my first marriage and put up with a passionless, loveless experience for entirely too long. My standards are much higher this time. Both of us have had to bring our A games because neither of us is willing to settle for a low quality relationship. It isn’t worth it.

wundayatta's avatar

The data show that regardless of any individual’s experience here, on average, second marriages fail more often than first ones. Thirds have a higher failure rate. It’s as if once you realize you can live without marriage, it’s easier and easier to give up on it.

I don’t think it would be forgiveness so much as compromise that one either learns or does not learn. But even more important than any of that is communication skills.

burntbonez's avatar

Haven’t been “forgiving” enough to get married the first time around. Makes it difficult to get married again. And I do think forgiving is the operative word.

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