Social Question

laineybug's avatar

My friend's boyfriend isn't treating her very well. Is there anything I could/ should do?

Asked by laineybug (5278 points ) February 8th, 2013

I know, I know, relationship question, ugh. But one of my best friends has been dating this guy for a while, and everyone notices that more often then not he doesn’t treat her very well anymore. Any time she wants to do something without him he gets all mad, says “fine then.”, and storms off. When she goes to talk to him about it she comes back completely agreeing with him saying he’s just in a bad mood. This happens almost daily now. The more time they spend together the less she notices that he’s not treating her or anyone else very well. They’ve broken up and gotten back together twice before this because of something he did, and it just doesn’t seem healthy anymore. Is there anything I could/should do about this?

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13 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

No, there’s nothing YOU should do.

SHE should dump him and find someone better, but I’m sure you know this. :)

JLeslie's avatar

If you say something you risk her getting angry with you.

I was dating a guy that was treating me badly and my roomate at the time said to me, “I’m worried about you, I think your boyfriend is mistreating you. If my boyfriend was treating me like that what would you think?” It helped me think about what he was doing from the outside. But, I was already in my 20’s and more experienced with relationships in general and able to realize my friend was trying to be helpful and not judgemental. Some teens can see this also, some adults still can’t even though they are pretty old.

susanc's avatar

You should read her the riot act. What, he’s the only one who can get up in her face? That’s ridiculous. Give her something to think about besides licking his…. uh….. ruffled feathers.

DigitalBlue's avatar

I usually find it’s best not to butt in with relationships, I’ve tried to get my friends out of downright abusive relationships in the past, only to be ditched and they stay with the guy.
Really, though, I think @JLeslie said exactly what I would say. Express that you’re worried, tell her why, and then leave it at that. Tell her that you’re there for her, but don’t expect that she will necessarily up and dump him. Relationship lessons tend to be the ones we need to learn for ourselves.

CWOTUS's avatar

Back off and be ready to pick up the pieces, lend an ear, and help with the recovery in any way that you can. But that’s then; now, nothing.

janbb's avatar

I would only intervene in a relationship if I felt there was abuse. Other than that, I would agree with the wise doggie’s advice.

marinelife's avatar

All you can do (and you risk alienating her) is sit her down and talk to her about the unhealthy things you have witnessed. Be specific. If she objects or indicates an unwillingness to break up with him, tell her you really care about her and if she ever changes her mind and needs help, you will be there for her.

I’m sorry that this is happening.

JLeslie's avatar

I was just thinking, even if she is not angry, she may become uncomfortable having you around when her boyfriend is around also. Another risk.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You can’t do anything. You can support her but she has to make her own calls.

blueiiznh's avatar

You can tell her your feelings and that is it.
Their relationship is theirs.
It is really up to her.

Mariah's avatar

Lots of good advice here, but I would like to add that you should use your own discretion based on your relationship with the friend.

I openly hated my best friend’s boyfriend when we were seniors in high school. Mind you, this was a girl who had been my best friend since we were 3 years old, and I was confident the issue would not come between us. She knew full well that I hated him but I also told her that as long as he’s making her happy, their relationship has my full support.

I think expressing your concern, but in a way in which you emphasize that it’s out of care for your friend and you’re not trying to sabotage their relationship, is not necessarily a bad idea if you feel the friend is a close enough one. She will appreciate your concern and will think about what you have to say, but obviously in the end the decision is hers.

In my case, the guy stalked and wanted to kill my best friend after she broke up with him so I’d say my concern was valid. Right now, it sounds like your friend’s guy is kind of an immature prick, but I don’t see any evidence of real abuse going on. If there’s abuse of any kind happening, it might be worth it to risk having her mad at you and tell a guidance counselor at school. She may appreciate it someday even if she gets mad in the short term.

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Utta_J's avatar

I have a friend like that too just talk to her and try to understand why hes “so important” you might find something out but you never will without communicating. I talked to my friend about it and at first she got a little angry and she didn’t want to talk about it but I kept showing her love and that I was there for her and she came around. I found out even though he didn’t treat her all that great she stayed and kept getting back with him because she felt like he was giving her a certain love she couldn’t find in no one else. In your friends case it might be different but that’s something you will have to figure out. Just talk to her and let her know that you’ll always be there, you love her, and she can talk to you anytime because you are friends and that’s apart of what friends are for.

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