Would you consider these personality test results as potential relationship deal-breaker?
My boyfriend and I have some serious issues when it comes to communication. It’s not that I don’t try, but really just that our communication styles are different. He is incredibly logical, brief, to the point. If there is a problem, he will address it, and then will become irritated if it’s discussed further, as he sees it settled once the conversation ends. I, on the other hand, am more wordy – as in, I like to talk through a problem until resolution.
After a falling out this weekend, we are trying to put things back together. This morning, he sent me a Myers-Briggs personality test. I’m familiar with these, having completed the official one for school last year. I took it again, with the same results – ISTJ. He brought up the topic, saying how well the description of his results match (and always have matched) his personality. He thought that it might help me understand him better.
Every INTP description I’ve looked up is absolutely dead on to how he views life, reacts to situations, behaves emotionally (or rather, doesn’t show emotions at all). Eerily accurate. Also looked up our compatibility… out of sixteen possible combinations, he and I were listed as the worst possible partners. Go figure. I don’t much believe in the match-making, but can’t ignore this description (sorry for the length, it’s all relevant!)
“The largest area of potential strife in an INTP’s intimate relationship is their slowness in understanding and meeting their partner’s emotional needs. The INTP may be extremely dedicated to the relationship, and deeply in love with their partner, but may have no understanding of their mate’s emotional life, and may not express their own feelings often or well. When the INTP does express themselves, it’s likely to be in their own way at their own time, rather than in response to their partner’s needs. If this is an issue which has caused serious problems in a relationship, the INTP should work on becoming more aware of their partner’s feelings, and their partner should work on not requiring explicit positive affirmation to feel loved by the INTP.
INTPs do not like to deal with messy complications, such as interpersonal conflict, and so they may fall into the habit of ignoring conflict when it occurs. If they feel they must face the conflict, they’re likely to approach it from an analytical perspective. This may aggravate the conflict situation, if their partner simply wants to feel that they are supported and loved. Most people (and especially those with the Feeling preference) simply want to be encouraged, affirmed and supported when they are upset. The INTP should practice meeting these needs in conflict situations.”
I am not overly emotional, but don’t think that I’ll ever be able to be feel stable in a relationship where I don’t receive encouragement or affirmation.. or even empathy. Should I put stake in this? I normally wouldn’t, but I am having a hard time overlooking, as he specifically used it as a tool to describe how he feels/behaves. It’s been six months, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was a challenge to handle his personality… but I do love him, and I’m trying. Knowing that I cannot be without an emotional connection indefinitely – is this a hopeless situation? I’m hoping that he will open up as he feels more comfortable – he has had a lot of conflict/pain in his life, which I know only contributes to this behavior… yet I do not want to waste either of our lives waiting for something that won’t happen. Any personal experience with a similar situation? What would you do?