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Hikaybye's avatar

What do I do? .?

Asked by Hikaybye (7 points ) February 12th, 2013

Okay, so this summer I almost fell for this guy. But he had a girlfriend so I backed off & we became best friends. Now I’m in a relationship & I’m in love. But the guy now is out of his relationship & likes me. I’m not sure what to do because he is probably the better choice but I’m not sure what my heart wants. My boyfriend is quite a bit older so there is a strain on our relationship. But the guy fits perfectly into my life. My boyfriend said if I wanted I could date the guy & see how I end up feeling & that he would wait for me. But I don’t want to hurt him. I’m at a loss.

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8 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

You’re not married, so while you’re dating, you need to enjoy it.

If you think the other guy may mesh with you and your life better, give it a shot. If you’re always worried about other people and how they feel, you won’t do half of what you want with your life, trust me. :) Plus you have permission. :)

Hikaybye's avatar

But I’m in love with my boyfriend. I really don’t want to hurt either of them. Is it selfish of me like feel like this? If I’m happy in my relationship.

gambitking's avatar

Ah, the young love life. Ever the baffling realm.

You could make them fight to the death and date the winner (it’d be gross to date a dead loser, after all). But that’s not responsible.

Seriously though, the only thing that seems to be compelling you in one way or another is that you mentioned a strain caused by an age difference. The fact that you mentioned this might mean you’re already on your way to making up your mind anyway.

Like Knowitall said, you aren’t marrying yet. Enjoy the dating life for now, being between two people who like you is a good problem to have.

You might not really have a solid idea of love just yet, so its time for some self examination. Love is a really really strong word. If you love one of them but not the other, the choice is clear, if that’s really how you feel.

The only selfishness I could see being enacted here is if you’re purposely keeping this triangle going because you secretly enjoy the attention coming from both sides, it’s natural and you can’t deny it feels good, so just be careful.

The guy that opened up things to let you do a ‘trial dating’ with the other guy sounds like a super considerate person and very rare. Among men, at least. Just food for thought.

Unbroken's avatar

When you are young is when you are supposed to make mistakes.

Don’t put a tremendous amount of strain on yourself whether or not you are making the right one. There is a future of life no matter what in front of you.

I also rather liked what @gambitking had to say.

rebbel's avatar

“My boyfriend said if I wanted I could date the guy & see how I end up feeling & that he would wait for me.”
Or your boyfriend loves you so much that he is okay with you seeing how another date would fare, just to see you happy (no matter if that means he could be out of the picture), or he is okay with it, simply because he couldn’t care less (meaning he isn’t that in to you).
I presume the latter….. Imho

Hikaybye's avatar

Thanks Guys. You gave me some things to take into consideration. I’m bot sure what i’m gonna do but you guys did help. (:

marinelife's avatar

If your boyfriend said you could date him, go ahead. Why be left with questions.

Kardamom's avatar

If you loved your current boyfriend enough that you didn’t have to question whether or not to break up with him, then you would have your answer.

Since your current boyfriend is giving your permission to date the other fellow (I’m only assuming that you would put the first relationship on hold and be one on one with the other guy) then you should probably try it, but not without first letting your friend know that you are about to break up with your boyfriend to give it a go with him. Your friend might not want you to do that (for a whole host of reasons). What I’m saying is, don’t do anything rash, like breaking up with your boyfriend, unless you have a pretty good idea that your friend wants to actually date you and doesn’t just have a little crush.

Also, understand that it might not work out with your friend either, and your current boyfriend may or may not be willing to take you back if you breakup with him, or even if you are dating both of them at the same time (which I don’t recommend). At that point, you may lose 2 good guys.

What exactly is the age difference problem with your current boyfriend? Is it just society’s idea of what constitutes a reasonable age difference, or are there real/uncomfortable differences which you are noticing such as not being in the same place maturity-wise, not being in the same place on the experiences part of your lives (having finished school, finsihed sowing your wild oats, not having the same life goals like getting married or having children)?

If you decide to stay with your current boyfriend, it might be a good idea (even though it will be painful at first, and you might not think necessary) to put some distance, emotion-wise and actual physical distance, between you and your friend. In other words, if you stay with your current fellow, you need to cool it with the buddy, because he is, in fact, coming between you and your current boyfriend and that’s not really nice. I get that you consider the friend to be your best friend, but you and I and the refrigerator know that unless you’re both gay, having friends of the opposite sex is not the same as being best friends with someone of the same sex. There is always going to be some type of sexual tension, even if it’s one sided. But in this case, it’s clearly double sided.

Just some things to think about before you jump into the flames of passion. I wish you all well.

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