General Question

lindseyfo09's avatar

Should age matter?

Asked by lindseyfo09 (84 points ) February 12th, 2013

I’m 22 and I’ve been talkin to a guy that’s 29, will be 30 next month. I just want to know if it’s a good idea to be talking to him and maybe going further with him.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

He is at the limit of appropriate for you, in my opinion.

I go by ½ older person’s age + 7 years = Minimum age of younger person.

The age difference may not seem that much but you are in quite different stages in your lives, and where you will be at 24 or 25 is much different from where he will be at 32 or 33. Lots of people on here will say not to be concerned, but people change a lot between 22 and 28.

So no problem having a fling for fun and adventure, but go into it with your eyes open that it very well might not last too long.

ETpro's avatar

@lindseyfo09 Hi and welcome to Fluther. Eight years is over a third of your lifetime when you are 22. Get to 72, and it’s a trivial difference. My wife is 9 years younger than me but she talks like she’s far older than I am. Nobody knows how the shoe fits till they wear it. Try it out for a while. If it works, wonderful. If not, experience gained and plenty of time left to move on.

DrBill's avatar

Age is just a number, if you’re both legal, it does not matter what anyone else thinks.

rojo's avatar

Funny thing about age, it matters less the older you get.

bookish1's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.
Age is just a number, yes, but, maturity and life experience are not doled out in equal doses. There are plenty of people in the West in their 30s who still act like (and pretty much view themselves as) adolescents.
I definitely agree that age matters less as you get older. I was changing rapidly between about 16 and 20, and I had bad experiences dating people younger than me in that period, but still, much older than 20 felt like ‘too old’. I remember my delight around when I was 22 and realized that it felt like all of a sudden, I could date people considerably older than me. However, I’ve found out in the past few years that people who are decades older than I am are not necessarily any more emotionally mature. Everyone’s an individual.
22 and 30 are quite likely to be different ‘life stages,’ but this age difference shouldn’t deter you from simply talking with a guy and figuring out if you enjoy each other.

Unbroken's avatar

@rojo until you get past middle age lol…

But yeah welcome to Fluther and why would you think that is a big age difference?

@bookish1 Amen to that!

zensky's avatar

22 can be mature in spirit and experience for a woman; 30 can still be a teenage boy – men are just big kids anyway. If you two are compatible – go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?

rooeytoo's avatar

22 and 29 does not seem like that big a deal, only 7 years difference. If you like him I would try it and see how it goes.

Seek's avatar

The hubs and I are 16 years apart. I’m still waiting for him to grow the eff up.

Just saying age =\= maturity.

JLeslie's avatar

I think since you are 22 it’s probably fine. Usually I am the one very concerned about age difference if you search old Q’s. If you were 16 and he was 24 I would not be so ok with it, laws aside. At 22 I assume you are starting to know yourself, are not easily manipulated, and have some experience with relationships. The only thing I would watch for is expectations of a 30 year old are different than a 22 year old. Every girl is different, every person is different in what they want in a love interest, but most women I know would look for a 30 year old guy to be showing some really good signs of being responsible and stable financially. I don’t mean he has to have a lot of money, but no debt (except maybe a mortgage) stable job, or has had a stable job in the past, that sort of thing. The other stuff like treats you well, honest, integrity, those are all givens I hope.

Edit: to clarify I don’t mean you two will be in different stages of life regarding jobs and finances. I mean he should be in a different stage. If he is like most other 22 year old men, that could be an indication that he will always be like that, or be like that for a long time.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I wouldn’t worry about the difference. When I was 23 I dated a 28 year old. I broke it off because she wasn’t mature enough for me. Life’s a crap shoot. Grab what you can.

lindseyfo09's avatar

Thank you all so much !, All your answers made me feel a lot better !! :)

lindseyfo09's avatar

Now, How would I go about telling my parent’s and family about him and the age difference? They freaked when I got with my ex, I was about 16 and he was about 20.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@lindseyfo09 How old are your parents? Four years difference when you’re 16 is big. At your age the difference is less.

JLeslie's avatar

As I said above this has more to do with your age than age difference. They are less likely to freak out. Are you going to tell them right away? Or, go on a few dates and see how it goes? At 22 I would think you don’t call your parents with every love interest. It’s not that I am advising keep him a secret, I usually think it is odd when people hide the new person they are dating from family and friends (sometimes there is a good reason) but this would not be hiding it would just be typical I think for young women to not report every date to a parent. Unless you are from a culture where it is different. Do you still live at home? Then I could understand you would have to mention him.

Seek's avatar

@lindseyfo09 You don’t. “Hi, this is my boyfriend Jeff.” not “Hi, this is my boyfriend Jeff, he’s a Scorpio, an architect, his favourite food is kimchi, and his social security number is…..”

His age isn’t their business. With family, less information up front is better. Let them get to know him organically, just as you have.

lindseyfo09's avatar

@JLeslie, I plan on going on a few dates before I have him meet my family first, because I also have son, so I don’t want him to meet them an he just be another guy..

JLeslie's avatar

@lindseyfo09 How old is your son? (yes I am asking to figure out if you became pregnant accidently at a young age. I am not judging, but it might explain why your parents are worried about your judgement when it comes to men, although, I assume having a child has matured you if that is the case. For all I know you got married at 20, had a baby, and are single again now. I am not assuming anything).

lindseyfo09's avatar

@JLeslie, He’s 15 months and he was a mistake, I had him when I was 21. Yes, having him has made me mature abit,

JLeslie's avatar

Well, anyone can make a mistake. :) I hate to use that word mistake for your baby. All I was getting at is your parents might be overly jumpy because at 16 you dated a 20 year old, and then later you became pregnant unwantedly. I have no idea what type of men you have dated in general, if this guy is a good guy then go for it. If he has similar characteristics to previous people you have dated that are negative, then I would suggest really thinking about if you are repeating mistakes. But, I am not assuming you have dated a bunch of bad man. Your baby’s father might be a great guy, it just didn’t work out between the two of you. I have no idea obviously.

seekingwolf's avatar

I think if you’re attracted to someone and you’re 18+, who cares. I’ve dated a few older men. 15–40 years OLDER than myself. The oldest guy was ironically, much more compatible with me than the “younger”, older guy.

Eh, it doesn’t matter really. Unless you care about what people will say. Because yeah, people talk. But if you don’t care, then don’t worry.

poisonedantidote's avatar

Age does matter to some extent. I am 30 years old since January, and a white male. My fiance is 22 and will be 23 very soon, Asian female.

While age has not been a problem for us in our relationship, I do some times worry as a 30 year old white male living in Europe, that is expected to live until the age of 80, what will happen to her, the 22 year old female Asian, who is expected it make it to 90, in the 17 or so years that I will be dead before she dies.

While we are both young, and can have a nice long life together, and it is no time to be talking about death yet. There is a certain responsibility that comes with the age gap and marriage when it comes to these morbid matters.

Age should not really matter as a rule of thumb, it depends on the nature of the relationship. If you are an 18 year old male who wants to meet up with grannies on craigslist for nsa sex, then the 40 year age gap does not matter at all, but if you are both thinking about marriage and a lifetime relationship, or have that as one of your long term relationship goals in life, then once there is say 10 or so years difference, age does come in to play.

As women are generally expected to live longer, if it is an older woman with a younger man, then I would say marriage and a lifetime relationship would get a 15 to 20 year window of difference, as opposed to the 10 year window with an older male and younger female.

If you are just interested in having a bit of fun, experimenting with sex and stuff, and just seeing where it all goes, then I would say that is fine, so long as you don’t lead him on by making him think you too are looking to settle down, there is a chance that is what he is looking for, but even if he is, as a guy he will probably still go along with it for just fun and seeing what it leads to.

All in all, I don’t think there is a problem with 7/8 years or so like in your case.

mattbrowne's avatar

That’s exactly how it is with my parents. They are still happily married having recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

muhammajelly's avatar

@lindseyfo09 Why would you even consider it might be a problem?

ETpro's avatar

@poisonedantidote Don’t worry about it. Buy a million dollar insurance policy and rest assured that 17 years is plenty of time for her to adequately celebrate.

Headhurts's avatar

I would say it makes no difference at all. It is just a number.

Broken_EarthAngel's avatar

All and all I think its depends on the mindset of both who are involved in the relationship.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther