General Question

Aqua's avatar

T/F: A man will treat his wife the same way he treats his mother.

Asked by Aqua (2543 points ) February 25th, 2013

For some reason, I’ve been hearing this phrase a lot lately: “If you want to know how a man will treat his wife, see how he treats his mother.” Flutherites, what’s your experience? Is this a myth or reality?

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32 Answers

gambitking's avatar

Maybe only because his wife treats him like her son

Seek's avatar

Can’t say.

My hubby’s mom had a double brain aneurysm when he was 18. When he was supposed to be just becoming an adult, he had to teach his mom how to eat, talk, read, etc. all over again.

They don’t have a “normal” relationship, so I can’t make any Freudian judgment calls.

Jenniehowell's avatar

Men treat their wives any kind of way they feel like it whether that is good or bad. That is not always the same manner in which they would treat their mother good or bad. Some men are momma’s boys and others can’t stand their moms and still others love their moms but don’t let that come between them and their new family with a wife. I don’t think the way a man treats his mom has necessarily got any bearing on how he treats his wife or girlfriend. Sometimes it does but sometimes it doesn’t. Depends on the man, the mom, the wife and the day.

KNOWITALL's avatar

My husband is very gentle with his mom but they don’t have best relationship, but when we first got together he did try very hard to please her, so perhaps it’s true.

ucme's avatar

Nah, I wasn’t breast-fed.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I sure hope not. I’m no one’s mommy.

ragingloli's avatar

No. How many of you had sex with your mothers?

Rarebear's avatar

@ragingloli beat me to it.

Cupcake's avatar

It should be a consideration when considering a partner… but it’s no guarantee (in either direction).

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

I think it’s false. If I believed that I would of never been with my husband. My husband did not get along with his mother. They called eachother everything under the sun besides mother and son. But he treated me like gold. And me having bipolar I sometimes did not treat him very good. I have never been treated so well by a man like the way I was treated by him, and to this day it is why I am having such a hard time moving on.
RIP my love :x wherever you are.

ETpro's avatar

I’ve had three kids and I NEVER would have treated my mom in a way that would have made THAT possible. I call BS on that.

JLeslie's avatar

I say it is true a lot of the time. Especially if the wife is similar to the mother in personality. It recreates some of the same dynamics even if the couple has a very equal relationship and is not mother son like. A lot of women take on the same “roles” in the relationship as their same gender parents or inlaws, and so there will be some similarity.

I think a man who treats his mother horribly probably it’s worth considering it a red flag to be at least investigated.

wundayatta's avatar

False. I treat my wife like she’s gold; my mother like silver.

zensky's avatar

True.

And if you’d like to know what a girl will look like in twenty thirty years – look at her mom.

Unbroken's avatar

I would say mostly false.

But how your partner or potential partner treats any one is worth noting and raising a red flag. If he does have a bad relationship with either of his parents I think you should know why.

I have never had a relationship with a guy that reflected his mother. I think that would be slightly twisted.

JLeslie's avatar

Most of you seem to be saying a man is still in a mostly “mother son” relationship with his mother. We are talking about adults. My MIL does not “mother” my husband the same way she did when he was 5. She is very loving, nuturing, but she no longer tries to control his behavior or repremand him.

Of course he will always be her baby, but she respects him as a man. I hope he shows her respect also.

I know many people treat work colleagues well, never raise their voice, patient, and then they come home and take their family members for granted. We all do this a little I think, some more. I think how smeone behaves with their family is a clue how someone behaves within a family, behind closed doors, when the public is not watching. That is why the saying has some significance in my opinion.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Rarebear and @ragingloli Hmmm. Great minds think alike, I guess!

I would say “True” in the beginning but that will change because the wife is going to react to things differently than his mother. I mean, I would like to treat my husband like my father (who I had so much respect for) but he is NOTHING like my father. Not saying it’s good or bad, just the way it is.

zenvelo's avatar

False. A momma’s boy will obey his mother to the detriment of his wife and family. And many men will cleave to a woman and never call their mother.

Quite frankly, I think a father/daughter relationship is much more telling.

venusPdiaz's avatar

I think it is partially true – wives can sometimes mother their husband and equally husbands can father their wives – its an age old dynamic and it can work – however I do believe the mother-in-law jokes should be aimed at the man’s mother as they can be horribly intrusive in their sons marriage – my ex-mother-in-law certainly was.

seekingwolf's avatar

False, false, and more false.

My boyfriend was beaten savagely by his mother for years and verbally abused before she finally lost custody of him. He tried to fight back physically but she just cut him up more. He thinks she is evil and hasn’t seen her in years (his choice, not hers so he largely doesn’t think about her. He recently heard through the grapevine that she is claiming that she has cancer. He said he doesn’t care – she can die alone and in pain and he still won’t contact her or her family or go to the funeral.

My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. He is wholly and verifiably monogamous, kind, gentle, honest, and treats me like a queen. He is eager to make me happy and is always doing little things for me. He was a virgin when we got together yet he is the best sex partner I’ve ever had. He is my equal partner. He works hard and always offers to help me out with money or other chores. We live together and have been together for 2 years. He is in charge of the rent and always pays on time. He gives me foot and back massages. He can cook well. He always helps with the cleaning chores. I never have to clean the bathroom sink or toilet because he always does that, without fail. He always leaves the toilet seat down for me. He showers 1–2x a day and always smells good. He doesn’t party or drink excessively. He lets me ramble, vent, and repeat myself when I need a listening ear.

I love him to death and he is proof that some mothers are terrible, terrible people but that doesn’t always mean that their offspring are too.

seekingwolf's avatar

The only thing that his mother has done of value within her life was give birth to him. She has no other merits since she is nothing but a penniless crackw_____e rat. But look at the wonderful man that came from that. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? I am very thankful.

Thus, I can’t generalize anyone based solely on their parents.

cazzie's avatar

I think they learn how to treat women, to a large extent, from the relationship they see between their parents and if they grew up with ‘mommy issues’. My soon-to-be-ex certainly has his issues with his mother, including suspicions that she is faking her MS and resentment over a failed adoption issue. He never had photos of his mother to show me when we were dating and only spoke about her on very rare occasions, where as, he seemed to both idolise and fear disappointing his father. I should have picked up on the problems then and saved myself. He resents his mother and does have a rather misogynistic attitude toward women when he is in a close relationship with them. “If my dirty clothes on the living room floor bother you so much, why don’t you just pick them up yourself instead of bitching about it.’... for example.

But, having said all that, I have been reading quite a bit lately at just how much our behaviour comes from our genes and not how we are (or or not) raised, so I would say, that the son/mother relationship is important to look at, but it mirrors only early tendencies that are, more likely, the result of inherited genetics and not a nurture/learned behaviour situation. That shit it probably more hard wired than we really care to think about.

Shippy's avatar

I don’t think so no. Where there is pussy involved men well, just behave differently.

wundayatta's avatar

Indeed, @Shippy. Pussy is heaven. There is no question of an ability to think clearly under conditions of pussy. Do women truly get this? I have a feeling many can’t quite believe it could make men so lose control of their thinking abilities.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I have heaven in me? How come I can’t even tell??

zenvelo's avatar

self edited since this is General

Aqua's avatar

Thanks everyone for your input!

Unbroken's avatar

I forgot but this question reminded me of Joesph Campbell’s Mythos 1. He starts with the anima ideal of a woman and animus. He thinks this mother/son relationship is the first and primary relationship. The unconscious projects the original relationship onto matehood. But when projection doesn’t match reality the male has the option of abandoning subject and moving on to the next or maturing and turning from childhood projections into love and acceptance of what is real.

oratio's avatar

I think a mother can have a fundamental role as the first woman in a mans life and a guide into womens world. But all women don’t make good mothers. My mother although at times warm and affectionate, beat me and my brother with a dog leash amongst other things. I have a very ambivalent relationship with my mother, but this relationship doesn’t mirror the ones I have with other women.

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Cupcake's avatar

My father treated his mother better than either of his wives.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Generalizations, like that one are always false, just as this one is false!

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