Why do some people ask for advice, then get angry when you suggest something that they don't want to hear?
Why not just ignore them? Don’t take their advice. Why get angry?
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34 Answers
They weren’t being honest in their initial request.
What they meant was:
“Kindly tell me how I am doing nothing wrong. Soothe me. Stroke my ego.”
I agree with @SpatzieLover It may sound like they are asking for advice, but they are really just looking for agreement, and when they don’t get it, they lash out at the answer.
Thank you @SpatzieLover! NOW it makes sense. It was one of those Monty Python moment, and The Onion ‘splains it. :)
Jesus. I was actually fooled until I saw the comments. It didn’t look like liver cancer at all, though. It was the worst end-stage Kaposi’s Sarcoma and the best dying actor I’ve ever seen. Oy. I really was fooled when I posted. OK. Nevermind.
As to the answer to the question, I think you guys are right.
They want someone to agree with them.
People always think they know best, unless they are truly evolved and open to change.
They are not asking for advice, they want approval.
Just like when women ask if you think she looks fat in that new dress.
@ragingloli Yeah, that kind of confirmation can get you killed.
In such situations, people really aren’t seeking advice; they simply need a sounding-board for venting. Also, on some level, people know the answers to their own questions, problems, and dilemmas. Talking is really “thinking out loud”; if you let someone talk through a matter, that person will reach his/her own conclusion.
@ragingloli
The question. “Does this dress make me look fat?”
The wrong (if accurate) answer. “No, all that fat makes you look fat.”
Change is always difficult, so is new ways of thinking.
Do these pants make my ass look big?
I am surprised they did not tear
Be patient Padowin Woodcutter. I can give you a few tips on getting even with him for telling the truth. It will be very painful for him, emotionally.
I think sometimes it is because they think you don’t understand completely the entire situation.
You’re really gonna get it raggy!
Oh, yes, please, I want more!
Would you allow me to broaden your question a little bit? I’d like to include those who ask for opinions and then get defensive and start arguing when you give them. It’s almost as if they were trying to flush those with views contrary to their own so they can target them for persuasion.
Gotta love an entire complaint thread started thanks to me.
And once again, I was never mad. And even if I was, it wasn’t because you said something I “didn’t want to hear.”
Carry on…
?? What does it have to do with you, @livelaughlove21? To me this is a question that could have been asked by pretty much anyone, any time in the past 4 or 5 years.
@Jeruba Yes, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this question was posted shortly after @Dutchess_III and I had a discussion in this thread in which she stated that I was doing exactly this.
I see. This is a personal matter that ought to be handled privately. I’ll bow out.
I know in at least some cases, people feel extremely guilty when they are having an affair with a married man, who’s wife is pregnant, even though they already know are not going to end the affair, so they ask for advice, hoping against all odds that someone will tell them it’s OK, even when they know that it’s not OK. Then they get pissy when no one tells them it’s OK.
Sometimes (mostly young stupid naive young girls) want to hook up with some dude who has liedcheatedstolenabused because they think they are super-special and that they, alone, are the one girl who can changefixresurrectinfluenceforthebest this dude and they are so desperate convinced that they can change this douche dude that they practically demand that we agree with them. They get all flustered and pissy when we suggest that they should run, because most of us have already been there, done that, sometimes multiple times.
Still can’t figure out why every one thinks that multiples are so awesome
This is one of my biggest pet peeves.
…this thread.
So that’s what Fluther looks like on an iPhone.
Talk about vertical stretching: I wore out my scroll bar half-way down the page! ;-o
@livelaughlove21 I don’t know about you or anyone else, but virtually all of my questions come up because of some experience I had recently. Yes, that thread made me think to ask this, but it had nothing to do with you personally. It’s something that happens to all of us at some point or another, as you can tell by many of the responses, so it was a just an “in general” question prompted by a recent experience.
Sensitivity, usually an excess of it. I mean, guilty as charged, I’ve done it. There are just some life situations that leave you feeling horribly vulnerable and you react with anger to words that prod at that vulnerability. I can understand it since I’ve gone through it, but can still recognize that it’s not a fair way to behave.
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