Should I just leave him alone?

Context?

I don’t feel I was whining; just wondering if I did or said something wrong initially. Normally, we talk, but it just felt different. I should mention we do not live near each other.

His reply was that I was being negative. I think he was just irritable. It just caught me off guard.

How do you usually connect? Do you usually share information after not seeing each other for a day with no problem? Do you usually talk easily? Have there been other times when he has snapped? It’s hard to interpret this behavior without knowing a lot more about how you normally interact.

I agree with @wundayatta I would need to know if there has been a pattern of this behavior. Is this your first time questioning his whereabouts? Is this his first time reacting in a hostile manner?

We usually do talk easily. Mostly texting or phone. I texted throughout the day very positively. He barely texted back, which was fine. Until his first reply later in the day was that he was tired. And that my messages were annoying.

Welcome to Fluther @TrueLuve.There is not enough info. But I would say if he was having a bad day he will eventually apologize and make it up to you. If something else is going on then maybe giving him some space is the best option for a little bit wait for him to contact you. You tried once, now it is his turn.

If he bit my head off I would expect some sort of apology. Or recognition that he was out of line if he didn’t I would tell him so.

Thank you @rosehips. I would like an apology too. But now it seems he feels I’m negative. I don’t see where I was. True. I will wait for him to contact me.

And of course, he won’t tell me where it when I was negative. How frustrating!

_Mostly texting or phone. I texted throughout the day very positively. He barely texted back, which was fine. Until his first reply later in the day was that he was tired. _

In a face-to-face conversation, a lot of the meaning comes from tone of voice, gesture, and facial expression. When you text or e-mail someone, that meaning gets lost.

Imagine if texting with someone were a conversation. If the other person didn’t say anything, would you keep trying to talk to them? How would you feel if you didn’t want to talk to someone, and they kept talking to you?

If someone doesn’t respond to a text or e-mail right away, it probably means they’re busy or they don’t want to talk. Texting them more when they haven’t responded might get a grudging response, only because they know you won’t stop unless they respond.

(I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. Both are annoying and sucky.)

Does your S.O. do this a lot, or is this the first time? Either way, you’re both being inconsiderate to each other. It seems like you were just trying to talk to him, and he kind of snapped at you. On the other hand, if someone doesn’t respond to your first text, why would the second or third or fourth be better? Sometimes you need to give people space.

Maybe you should leave him alone for a few days. Spend the time hanging out with friends and doing things that you enjoy, and maybe in a while he’ll have an apology or an explanation. (If he doesn’t, he might be kind of an inconsiderate dick, and maybe you’re better off without him.) Either way, texting/ calling more won’t make things any better.

Okay @Haleth. I totally see what you are saying. It’s true with the first few texts, there was no reply. He does get busy, and I’ll normally let it go until he replies. It just made no sense after the first (positive btw). To me, a “hi. I’m busy. Talk later” would have sufficed. Giving space makes complete sense. I just don’t appreciate the snappiness. Lol no one deserves that.

I like what @Haleth had to say. But you made a good point. “Hi I’m busy.” Maybe when you talk about this later you can tell him that would be the ideal response and also point out that you probably need to work on texting repeatedly with out reply.

@rosehips You’re totally right. “Hi, I’m busy” would have been plenty.

@TrueLuve Does this happen often, or is this just a blip on the radar?

Very true. I do need to stop texting. I normally don’t keep on, but I felt off today. @haleth ummm he seems to get into silent modes more often than just this once. I feel it’s my texts that come through put of context. But instead of calling to discuss, he becomes quiet. I am left wondering.

Sounds like your communication needs don’t match his. You can work on this by being aware of it and trying to both be respectful for each other. Both of you extending outside your comfort levels a bit.

You spreading out your need with other people and refraining from a lot of overt neediness. And him conversing reaching out more. Opening up a bit, communicating that your fine he just needs some space etc.

Thank you @rosehips. Very true and agreed.

All sounds like good sound advice. It sounds like he did reply back to you with an “I’m tired”. With it being the weekend, does he work through the week or weekends? How did he reply to you asking where he was? Those are very telling answers that can help determine things. If he works hard or has responsibilities that are demanding, then you may just need to realize he might have truly been tired. If he stated your messages were annoying, then possibly they turned from positive to negative in what sounds could be a bit of impatience on your side. If you live quite far, is there a time zone difference that comes into play. Perhaps he was really just tired and somewhat sensitive to a “needy” moment. Perhaps not. Perhaps so.
As @Haleth stated, without context and timing, it is hard to determine.

Yes there is a time zone difference. Communication is normally good. There was no reply from him most of the day. Responsibilities yes – but isn’t it quite rude to not get a simple “I’m busy. Talk later”? I thought it was. I find women are more thorough in their interactions.

Women may be “more thorough” as you say, and that means you can always use that as an excuse to get mad at a guy. I don’t think it’s a good idea to assume a guy shares your view on how often communications should occur unless you’ve had an exhaustive discussion about the topic.

Most people don’t like metadiscussions, though. So good luck with that. Men tend to be experimentalists more often than women are, I think. Men just try different things and see what kind of reactions they get. They don’t discuss it. They do it.

I’m sure your man has learned something from this. And I’m sure you’ll learn something from his reaction. But if you want to talk to him about it all, go ahead. That is another test of a man. See how he reacts to this kind of talk. Maybe he’s a keeper, and maybe he’ll prove frustrating. If he is frustrating, what will you do?

Wow, very insightful. I had no idea. He was already frustrated by discussion. I let it go but felt unresolved. I like your pov – along with everyone else’s. thanks!