(NSFW)Am I a creep or sexual deviant for this?

One night I decided to watch some porn and masturbate before bed .I watched a few vids and was ready to finish and I clicked on the last vid I was going to watch and the pornstar looked like my mom

The pornstar was giving oral but she looked too much like my mom so I fast forward to where here back is to the camera and riding the male pornstar

This reminded me of when I was a kid and how my mom and her boyfriend use to lock themselves in their room and thats probably what they did and this was what i was remembering in my head as i was masturbating and I imagined the pornstars in the room my mom and her boyfriend use to Lock them selves in and it aroused me, but this is what’s weird , I think I masturbated and finished ,but to me I feel that I was under the idea that , that was my mom and her boyfriend , now I feel like a creep

I didn’t sit down and start watching porn to fantacize about my mom and her boyfriend but that’s what I feel happened , I also remember loosing a bit of my erection because of this and I tried finishing to the pornstar because the idea of my mom and her bf is kinda wierd , but it was like 3 weeks ago and I can’t remember clearly what I did , i feel so ashamed , I’m depressed and suicidal cause of this mistake , I feel like a creep but idk , can someone give me some insight