How would you deal with this relationship mismatch? (See details.)

My first reaction is to say that you should break up with her. At the very least you owe her an honest and open conversation.

Sure, you may eventually decide to “get serious”, but it sounds like you’re hedging your bets about that already – I find myself not believing that you have any intention of settling down with her (I concede that that may be a completely unfair conclusion, but that’s the vibe I get from your question). What you are willing to currently commit to this relationship and what she is currently willing to commit to this relationship are orders of magnitude in difference. Clearly she’s not dating you to “just have fun for a while”, so the kindest thing to do is to end it before she becomes even more committed to a relationship that you are casual about.

Wow! That is a lot of baggage.

The only thing you can do is be absolutely truthful with her.

Tell her that you enjoy her company, but are not at all feeling serious about her and not ready to move forward with the relationship. Tell her that you are worried about her having too intense feelings for you and getting hurt. Ask her what she think the two of you should do.

Base your decision on her responses.

I feel for the womans problems as divorce is upsetting and can be a miserable
thing to manage through the aftereffects as she is now doing.
Unless you are adept at understanding these upcoming problems that require an expert
councillor to navigate, I would advise to wait until she has a handle on her independance from abusive partners and her attraction to them and relationships that she gravitates too.

It was once said that it takes three full years to get over the effects of a breakup such as divorce.
She does not realize that she has to learn about herself through therapy ,designed for that reason.
At a later point in her life , then she might be then ready to engage in a healthy relationship?

Getting involved with her in a relationship just adds fuel to a situation between her children , whom are also sufferring and in need of expert help too.

Too many variables and too many people in the mix to make a healthy start yet.
Give her time to figure out her mistakes and how to rectify it.
And foster a healthy family outcome.
As to her Ex watch out!
He just needs a reason to break into any of her new relationships, that may take his place.
You do not need that kind of trouble, believe me.
She has to realize that it is OK NOT TO BE in a relationship and that she CAN survive on her own.
I did.

My friend wanted to date a girlfriend of mine, and I told him that she needs a hero, she’s had a pretty tough life. He said he wanted an equal relationship, not to save anyone or be a hero. So I guess you should figure out what you want and go from there.

Just remember, being someone’s hero is intoxicating at times, and a lot of pressure at others, and when there’s children involved, you need to make sure you choose correctly.

As long as the adult going into this relationship understands the circumstances and has his eyes wide open.
Therefore he has no one to blame but himself if things turn sour etc

Please… Please… Please… Don’t have sex with her until you decide you are willing to stick around for a while. She has been hurt enough.
Got it?! Don’t make me come over there!!!

I can’t improve on the advice you were offered by @marinelife and @Inspired_2write, a jelly new to me who sounds very wise in these matters.

Be honest and take things very, very slow.

@syz What she and I are currently willing to commit is different, but we may converge . . . or not. I think she would be hurt if I suddenly dumped her. Maybe in time her ardor will cool when she sees what a slacker I am, or maybe I’ll warm up to her if I give it a chance.

@KNOWITALL Yeah, I helped her get out of a bad situation with an evil landlord before we started dating, and not long after that she made it clear she was interested in me. The hero thing is an element here.

@LuckyGuy Too late! I’m willing to stick around for a while and explore the possibilities, but I’m not ready to move in with her or be part of her kids’ lives yet.

Maybe I’ve got some issues too . . . I’m so used to being jerked around, B-listed, and friend-zoned that I’m not sure what to do when a woman really wants me.

@CugelTheClueless Oh no…. Don’t you hurt her or her kids! They’ve all been through enough!

Thanks for being honest.

@CugelTheClueless How could it not be? No risk, no gain. Like you said above, no need to meet the kids or move in yet, keep it light until you see where it’s going. If you’re used to being in the Friend Zone, then you owe it yourself to at least try (just so you know, all my friends are mostly guys, and the FZ doesn’t mean you’re not attractive or anything else, it just means women are comfortable with you, which is a good thing.)

@KNOWITALL Did you catch that he is having sex with her? In my world that is beyond the friend zone.

@LuckyGuy “I’m so used to being jerked around, B-listed, and friend-zoned that I’m not sure what to do when a woman really wants me.”

Guess he figured it out then…lol, good for him.

Seems this is exactly what you should bring to her attention. This would solve the issue. Let her know how you feel towards her, and that you are willing to take things slow. I wouldn’t continue this courtship unless you are planning to marry. Otherwise, its another mess waiting to happen.

The biggest worry I would have here is the fact that she has kids to this alleged jerk, so this could allow him easy access (and an excuse) to meddle in her life affairs along with making your life a living hell. I’ve experienced the latter already so I’m giving you a thought from personal experience.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘friend-zoned’ since I’d never had a girlfriend whom I wasn’t friends with first. You’ve already admitted to sleeping with her anyways. Unless you’re serious here about being there for her I wouldn’t add any more fuel to the fire by burning her here since she’s already been through enough it seems.