Would you report a rape?

I was raped twice. The first time when I was 15 by two male friends of mine. I happened to like one of the boys, but I wasn’t ready for sex. They forced themselves on me and they had me outnumbered. I yelled no and cried and tried to hit them when my hands weren’t held down, but they didn’t stop. I ran out when they were done and immediately went to another friends house. I told this friend and she didn’t believe me. I told the cousin of one of the boys, a friend of mine, and he didn’t believe me. Maybe they didn’t believe me because they knew I liked one of the boys? Who knows. I didn’t tell anyone else after that. I was young and felt used and alone.

The second time was when I was 20. I was going to college 2000 miles from home and living in an apartment complex for students. I went to a party and got pretty drunk. There was a male friend at the party, who happened to supply me pot now and then. I stumbled home and fell asleep on my bed. I was sleeping on my stomach when I was awakened by this “friend”. He was on top of me and I couldn’t get away. He ran out when he was done. I was moving back home in a few short weeks and I felt that no one would believe me, again. What was I supposed to say? “I was raped by my pot dealer.” I didn’t report it.

It really depends on the circumstance. Now that I“m older and wiser and have a good support system in my life, of course I would report a rape.

I think I would have to, to keep someone else from going through that experience. That’s such a cruel thing to do to someone else, I’d have to try, even if I get trashed.

Yes, I would report it.

I wouldn’t report it, I would try to get justice myself.

@Blackberry How so?

All fucking day long, pieces of human waste like the sick pricks who rape women deserve everything that’s coming their way.

I feel it’s kind of presumptuous, as someone who hasn’t been put in that situation, to say I would do this or that. But here now as I sit in a rational, untraumatized state of mind, my answer is hell yes. I would do what I could to make that motherfucker pay.

If I were raped? Yes. If one of my kids were raped? He wouldn’t be alive to go to trial, anyway, so no.

@WillWorkForChocolate If someone hurts your family like that I’d be glad to help take care of them. I feel the same way about my family.

I’m nearly certain I would report it, to keep it from happening to anyone else (at least while he’s locked up).

I’m a guy so I cannot imagine how a woman would feel… But if I had evidence and a support network I would report it.
If I didn’t they would not have day of peace.
I’d be standing right by @Blackberry ‘s side.

@jonsblond Your story makes me sick. Please don’t mention their names here or on any other social media site. Their privacy and dignity must be respected. ~

I regret not reporting it every day. But things were complicated. It’s scarier when the person wasn’t a stranger. If it was a man in a mask it would have been so much easier.

@LuckyGuy That first experience led me to believe that there was only one reason a guy would like me. It took me a long time to like myself and to realize that my lady parts weren’t the only thing I had to offer..

@rory You are right. I think it is scarier to report a person when you know them.

I didn’t report it. I was a teenage girl who snuck out of her parents house. I was afraid of 1. Getting in trouble with my mom and 2. The guy had just gotten out of prison and I was afraid he’d kill me.
Karma is I heard later he was shot dead by a jealous husband.

I didn’t. Like @jonsblond, I didn’t feel people would listen to me. Plus, it was my boss. I went to an office event, and I remember him coming on to me and I told him I wasn’t interested. I wasn’t drinking much but suddenly I was off my face and he volunteered (to the other people there) to give me a lift home. I came too with him on top of me in his car.

I was young. I didn’t know what to do really. I went into my house and didn’t say a word to my brother who was there. I felt disgusting and god knows why but I blamed myself. I went to work on the Monday and someone teasingly mentioned him giving me a lift home. I think people were aware he had the hots for me. The horrified look on my face must have said it all but the person just looked embarrassed and turned away.

We had to go to another work event a while later and in front of his wife the boss came up and kissed me. In front of everyone. I think the man must have been a psychopath or something. He was totally blatent. I just froze. I didn’t know what the hell to do. Afterwards, I was freaking out a bit and I told a female colleague I thought of as a friend and she said “Oh get over it. It happens to everyone”.

I hope I would report it now. I know I should have then but I was wavering between shame, blaming myself, fear because it was my boss. So, I don’t know.

Yes, I would. I would feel sorry for the guy that he made that choice and was going to have to suffer the consequences, but I wouldn’t waste any time in reporting it.

Fuckin A I would report it. Does it change anything for the victim, or would it for me, if I was the one who got raped? Don’t know, in some cases, perhaps, others, maybe not. Why would I do it, because rape sucks, and it needs to be reported. Even if the rapist doesn’t get caught, the victim might be able to get access to therapy and other forms of help, which they would need. Whether they want it or not, I guess is up to them, but I’d do it because I personally think it would be the right thing to do, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in thinking that.

Presumptuous? More like having the courage of conviction & knowing your own moral code.

I know more than one guy who didn’t report it. I think guys are even LESS likely to report it than women.

@Judi: Yeah, why is that? I feel pretty good in knowing most of the guys in direct connection with me would stand up for any girl in a bad situation, and if that meant reporting something, they’d do it. But, from the looks of society, I think these guys are exceptions to the rule. Why would most guys back out of it?

@RandomGirl I know women are very embarrassed by this situation, but I think men are even more so. They probably feel it threatens their manhood in some way. Men are strong, men are the protectors – how could one get victimized in such a way? It’s a level of vulnerability that many men are not comfortable with. Admitting he’s been raped might feel like being victimized yet again.

@RandomGirl, I’m talking about men that are raped by other men.

It is so interesting to read the responses of people who are so certain of what they would do, and the responses of people who were actually raped.

@Dutchess_III I noticed the same thing, but maybe some didn’t reveal the experiences that influenced their answers. For me, I was basing my answer on my having been sexually abused throughout my childhood and then reporting it as an adult. I reported it to try to protect other kids from my abuser. I think I’d do the same with a rape, but of course, I can’t be sure.

Edit

@livelaughlove21 Wrong thread?

Yep! :)

I honestly don’t know…
In theory of course I would, but I just don’t know what I’d do if I were actually in that situation. I could see myself not reporting it, because I tend to be one who hates dealing with anything emotional with anyone but a select few.

This is one of the contradictions of a website such as this in which the people on here claim gender/sex equality, and then (like I’ve seen on multiple threads on this site) you see responses that seem to contradict the gender equality notion. How many of the guys on here have said that they would report the rape vs the women on here who’ve responded?

Would it be wise for me, as a guy, to report being raped? Would I be seen as a victim, as a wimp who doesn’t deserve a woman because I couldn’t even defend myself, as a whiner? In a society where women can openly talk about their concerns and be praised for their bravery, but yet if a guy talks about their concerns they’re simply just called whiners I’m not sure I’d want to report a rape.

@Paradox25 I’m confused. I don’t think any of the men who have responded have talked about their response to themselves being raped but one of the women did mention that it would be harder for men to report it. I don’t think anyone else here thinks it should be harder for men or that men who are victims of rape are wimps. Did I miss something? If so, please point it out. I’m not getting the contradiction in terms of gender equality.

I don’t think it should make any difference whether you are male or female, people should feel safe enough to report rape. The reality is, even now, many years after my own experience, I don’t think we’ve reached that point. Which is very sad.

@Bellatrix Actually male rape is not that uncommon when compared to female rape. Men get raped all of the time such as in cases like these, or in many institutions where they’re confined to. There’s a difference between what you and I may wish to be true vs reality.

I’m aware that some people have posted on here who havn’t been raped, but the question left it open for those people to respond to this thread as well. Nevertheless I was still bothered (especially by the men who’ve responded to this thread) by those responses since none of them admitted that they would press charges if they were raped.

I was never raped, but I’m not going to give an answer based upon a hypothetical scenerio so I can’t respond to this question in a very accurate way. Maybe I would go out and seek revenge, or maybe I would just crawl up into a ball in a fearful state if I was raped, I don’t know. I was trying to make a point, so again I would have to ask whether as a guy who is part of a culture which operates under the ideas of the Gender Role Theory as to whether I should report a rape to authorities, or not. Could I? Should I?

@Paradox25, I think that was the point I was trying to make. It is hard for women to come forward and I think it’s even harder for men who are victims to come forward for the very reasons you state. Maybe that should be a new question. “Men, would you report it if you were raped?”

@Paradox25, I’m aware of how common male rape is. Can you point out where I said male rape was rare or not reality? You seem to be seeing things in this thread that I’m not seeing. That was why I responded to your earlier post.

I also don’t think the question was limited to those who have experienced rape. In fact it asks what people would do if they were raped, not what did you do. I looked back on the posts made by men, and they didn’t say how they would respond to being raped themselves. So I don’t think we can comment on what they would or would not do but I agree with @Judi that it would be good to hear the male perspective.

As to whether you or anyone one else should report a rape, of course they should. Would you? I don’t know. I know I didn’t but I hope I would now. I feel pretty sure I would but then I suspect I would have been pretty certain I would have reported such a crime had you asked me before it happened to me. I agree with @Judi, and I think you, in that I do think it would be harder for a man to come out and say he’s been raped. Perhaps when we are implementing rape crisis and counselling services we should make sure we include men who can provide information about how best to support men who have been raped.