If a mother recieving child support refuses to let the father be around the child?

Your brother needs to hire a lawyer asap. As the child’s father, he has rights. Who likes whom and who’s wife is irrelevant.

The fact that he is paying child support confirms that he is the other legal parent. HIs former wife has NO legal right to decide when and how he sees his child.

Is there no custody agreement in place?

When they go back to court for the child support, he should petition for court ordered visitation.

She was never his wife or even a girlfriend, just a girl he went on 2 dates with that ended up pregnant.

@cheebdragon That really sucks. Still, it makes no difference. If she expects him to fulfill his responsibilities as a father, she must also respect his rights as a father. I totally agree with @gailcalled and @WestRiverrat. Litigate it.

I assume he pays child support through the court system so everything he pays is on record, not just giving the mother cash. He should petition for visitation asap through the court system.

Paying child support and visitation rights are two entirely different things. The court sets both things separately. He needs to be sure that he has a court order for visitation rights. All child support should be paid through the court system as well, not directly to the mother.

He needs a lawyer. If paternity has not yet been proven, he should pursue that first. Then if he is definitely the father, he needs to go to court for visitation rights.

Agreed. Court ordered visitation.

In many states unwed fathers have zero rights to see the child, but they are legally obligated to pay child support . The only way to get visitation or custody rights is to go to court. In MI a lawyer friend of mine volunteers to help dads get visitation. She has some sort of packet put together with the proper forms to fill out, she makes it easier for them and less expensive to navigate the legal system. Maybe someone or some organization local to your brother does the same if money is an issue for him. Although, if she is dragging him into court anyway, it is the perfect time to just hire a lawyer and fight it all out at once.

If he wants some custody then it will mst likely affect how much money the mother gets from him, so she will fight it for sure. She might try to make it seem like he is just trying to get out of paying so much money.

If the child support is mandated, visitation should be as well. If she’s taking him back to court it’s a perfect time for him to request a more liberal visitation schedule. He should at least get every other weekend!

The state mandates child support to save the state money. In TN they have the woman name who is the father or the men who might be the father, and the men take paternity tests. The state will pay for the test, except for the real father’s test, he has to pay for his own. Custody and visitation are totally separate issues in most states when it comes to unwed parents.

<<< Two time experienced myth buster here…

#1… and most very important… Get the idea of “Fathers Rights” completely out of your mind. It totally misses the target. Don’t mention it to anyone ever again. It completely sidesteps the real issue and dwelling on it could actually hurt your case, branding the father as just another disgruntled whining dad.

Instead, understand what this is really about… Child Rights. The child has a right to know both parents. The mother, in this case, is violating the child’s rights by not allowing her to know her father. Courts are very sympathetic to this approach.

Make everything about the child. Use this approach to assist in the next step.

#2… Do not attempt to get visitation. He must go for full custody. It’s the old theory of “ask for two and hope for one”. Ask for more than you think you should get, and you just might get what you think you should. But if you ask for visitation, you’ll be starting at the standard formula of every other weekend and one night a week. That’s a difficult arrangement for a father to actually raise a child under. The daughter will never really feel a part of Dad’s family. It will always be a special event, and sometimes a hassle because it will interfere with his regular family activities when the in house children get older.

Best at least to have one week on, one week off with joint custody. You’ll have to go for full custody in order to be awarded joint custody.

How to succeed at doing it…

Most important… Hire a custody lawyer and immediately have that lawyer insist that a Guardian ad Litem be appointed to the child. Watch this video for a quick idea of what they do. They are the most important legal person to have in the case. Don’t approach a custody battle without one. It’s like having a third lawyer on the case. The child has her own lawyer to look out for her best interest.

The Guardian ad Litem will visit your home. Best to have a room set up for the child, to show that you can handle it. Have the fridge fully stocked with healthy snacks for kids. And yes, put the “How to be a great Dad” book on the coffee table for the GaL to see.

The Guardian ad Litem is basically a state appointed attorney for the child. The judge will weigh 99% of their decision upon what the GaL recommends is best for the child. The mother/father battle is just noise and the judge will wave it away as just people arguing.

Emphasis to your lawyer, and the GaL, that Father understands and appreciates the role of each parent in child’s life. If awarded custody, Father will ensure that child has great relationship with both of them. Whereas the mother doesn’t value the father at all, and is abusing the child by refusing her rights to know her father.

Within one week of appointing GaL, the father will be awarded temporary visitation of the standard formula every other weekend and one night a week. This visitation will be in place until the actual court date which will be months away. It will establish a visitation that the judge will be very reluctant to reverse. From that point, it will be much easier to get full or joint custody. Make sure lots of family photos and videos are taken of father/daughter during that time. More so, get photos and video of the entire family, with new wife and her children too. Show the strong family unit that the child is missing out on by not knowing her father.

Emphasis to your lawyer and GaL that healthy family environment and benefit of knowing siblings as well.

The new wife will relate to the step daughter much better with a regular joint visitation or full custody.

Get receipts for all child support payments made ready for court. The judge will consider the mother to be unreasonable. She is not allowed to prevent child from knowing her father even if she doesn’t get support payments. It looks really bad on her if she refuses the child’s rights when she is getting support payments. Her behavior is working against her. Get THAT… Her behavior is not working for you… It’s working against her and against the rights of the child. This is not about what’s best for the father, or best for the mother. It’s about what’s best for the child. Remember this.

Having joint or full custody will cause father to pay much less child support because the child is being provided for while in his custody.

Insist that mother provide receipts spent on the child. Chances are she won’t be able to do that. And if she does, chances are they won’t total the amount that father pays.

Obviously keep this quiet until the court case. It would be no surprise to show a misuse of funds.

Father needs to counter sue for full custody immediately. Like right now. Most lawyers will start a case for $1G… despite what their policy states. You will end up doing most of the work anyway, gathering receipts and preparing for GaL home interview.

Document every request to see the child.

Start a journal. Start it in the past. Keep entries short and sweet, requesting visitation but being refused. Never speak of how this affects father. Always show concern for how it affects the child.

Judges love journals. The parent with the most documentation, and journaling, wins for the child.

Most of what I would say has already been said. Guardian ad Litem is a very important step, and will demonstrate that you are acting in the best interest of the child. It is not about father’s rights (although it seems the father’s rights are being abused), It is about what is in the best interest of the child.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Does the receipt thing really work? I thought child support is just a mathematical thing. A percentage of income with custody thrown into the equation.

I think your advice to change the tone to child’s rights is such great advice.

I would say go for joint custody, asking for full custody if I were the mother would piss the fuck out of me. I would think it took incredible chutzpah and purely money motivated. I wouldn’t believe for a second most men want full custody. But, I understand your negotiating tactic. A friend of mine lost custody (they had joint) due to alcohol troubles. When she sobered up and all was good, he still faught for full custody. Technically she gets visitation now, but the girls live with her 90% of the time in actuality.

Your brother needs to get an attorney. As far as child support goes, it should be linked to visitation. She cannot have it both ways.

@JLeslie “Does the receipt thing really work?”

It’s a matter of coming to the game with as many questions put upon the mother as possible. Whether it “works” or not is entirely up to the judge. The idea of “accountability” is reinforced towards fathers so much, that turning that same idea back upon the mother is only fair play. Requesting documents (receipts) is normal practice. She will request them of him. He better have guts to request them from her. She is entrusted with these payments to provide for the child. No one should have any issues with holding her accountable to that.

Men really need to understand something about the custody system. Your lawyer, her lawyer, don’t give a damn about the case. It makes no difference to them at all. They’re more concerned with signing the next contract than preparing for a court case. In this light, they’ll do anything possible to avoid taking the case to trial. That would take time away from their office trying to seduce new client retainer payments.

The work is put upon you… men. Your job is to dig up as much paperwork (phone logs, McDonalds receipts, child payment receipts) as possible. Your legal fees will be cheaper because you’ll already have the stuff needed that the lawyer wants you to get.

@JLeslie “I would say go for joint custody, asking for full custody if I were the mother would piss the fuck out of me. ”

Sure it would. Almost as much as a dad is pissed off after paying four years of child support but still being prevented from seeing the child.

@JLeslie “I would think it took incredible chutzpah and purely money motivated.”

Men better “chutzpah” up and be prepared. I hauled in every one of her friends with a summons after recording them on phone admitting the mother was wrong for keeping my son away from me for a year. They all admitted that she talks bad about me to the child. She’s not supposed to do that. It’s considered a form of abuse.

To present phone recordings in court, they must all be transcribed. Judges love journals and transcriptions. The lawyers isn’t going to do that for you. One needs to prepare all the stuff for a lawyer to negotiate with.

I asked if they would testify to that (with details) in court. They all refused. So I had them summoned away from their work anyway. They showed up, and the mom thought they had come to support her. She flipped out when she discovered that her friends had talked bad about her in a recorded phone call and had actually come to testify against her. Oh yeah… she flipped out so much that it never went to trial. She didn’t bring anyone to defend her or testify against me. I showed up at son’s school every day to have lunch with him. She couldn’t prevent me from doing that. Neither could the school. The school visitor login was presented as evidence.

Men, your lawyer isn’t going to do a thing for you except arrange the Guardian ad Litem and present documents that you prepare. You will win or lose your case. Not the lawyer. Insist the lawyer request accountability for how child support payments are spent. Judges frown upon freeloaders of all kinds.

Not only request the receipts, but request her bank records to determine what she really spends her money on. Get credit card records and request her credit score. Demand all investment information. You’ll get it, and possibly use that information to demonstrate poor financial responsibility.

Make her provide bank records for the past four years that father has been paying support. She’ll have to pay the bank to reprint old statements. So be it. You should have them.

This brings up some interesting questions:
1. What did the original Court Order say ?
2.Was there justification and concerns for safety of the child or mother?
3.Why didn’t the father mention in the first Court Order about visitation?
4. Unless there was concerns of safety either for the mother or the child,the mother has little to say about visitation except times,schedules etc.
5. Even Grandparents have rights to have the child visit them. ( Both families).
6.In Canada , in my case I only gave a “ballpark” figure about expenses as my lawyer already had that on file.And If any drasctic changes and only then was I to supply new receipts.
7. It is too bad that parents use the child to barter!
8. A Professional counsellor should be involved, for the childs sake.
Rather than stating the question as implying that the father ‘pays” for the childs upkeep ,so therefore He Should be able to see his child, I would had liked to see it stated as just” A father cannot or is not allowed to see his child? It seems to have a different emphasis on it…one of money being paramount and the other of genuine care of his child?
(just an oberservation).

If he wants parental rights and a custody agreement, he can take her to court. He needs to step up and make his desires known so those kids and the judge will know he is trying to form a relationship and be in there lives. Be advised, some guys lie to their girlfriend’s or wives to make themselves look better, and in the end, they’d rather not put forth the effort. I hope he’s a better man than that, though.

Some guys pay and don’t care to be involved, like my dad.

Also having a wife not wkng & child doesn’t affect to his older child’s finances since those are his ‘choices’. More $.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies In the case of the OP, it sounds like the father in question has never tried to legally “fight” to see his child. I absolutely have sympathy for fathers who pay and don’t get to see their kids, I think it is awful. If I were him I would be super pissed also. Among my friends who got divorced, the courts seem to heavily lean for joint custody. I don’t know if you were married (I think you are talking about yourself, maybe you are talking in general) but during divorce proceedings custody is part of the discussion, as of now the gentleman in question has never even been to court. I honestly think it won’t be difficult to get visitation. I am pretty sure my lawyer friend in MI just helps people fill out some forms and it is almost a matter of course for the father to get court ordered time. It is simply a matter of he has no rights being unmarried at the time of the birth, because of how the law works, and if he goes to court showing paternity they will likely rule in his favor for the child’s sake. I used to say to women, you should be married when you have kids so the father is legally obligated to the children. That was before e days of DNA testing. Now those laws are basically still in force, not married, there isn’t that automatic consideration for the father, except with DNA testing, now yiu can be ordered to pay. Seeing the child is a separate issue under the law, again because they were unmarried. It’s kind of a technical thing. With married couples it all is automatic.

I asked you those questions because a girlfriend of mine pays her husband child support. They have joint custody, which she hates, but she didn’t try to fight it, because in her state they usually give joint unless a parents willingly gives up time with the children or a parents really has done something horrible, and then they would need to be supervised. You can fight that back and forth every three or four days is not good for the child, but you have to prove it with witnesses, probably a thrapist, etc. Anyway, my friend divorced her husband because he was a loser, not working much, not being Mr. Mom, etc. So now she pays the loser in divorce and sees her son less. It sucks for her, just like it sucks for many men. Although, for a lot of men they were fine with their wife earning less or nothing and taking care of the kids. Maybe it is worse for her. Except, she does see her son. The custody is not the huge issue, although she thinks it is less than ideal for her son. He is ADHD and very defiant, and the less than ideal situation of sharing his time in different households probably doesn’t help. I am only talking about having two separate routines during the school year on school days. Sometimes he is sleeping at his dads, going to school from his dads, and other days from his moms. He would pribably be better off with one routine during the weekdays.

Her husband recently took her back to court to get back pay because she had lost her job and wasn’t paying him, and then when she got her new job she still didn’t pay for a while, plus she earns more now. She new she would have to pay. The court did not seem to care at all that she pays out a lot more than her husband for her kid, she just owed the mathematical amount. I don’t know if she gathered up all the receipts, I assume she did. She went to court to fight, knowing she would lose, but she got satisfaction that at some point the judge told her husband in open court that he basically is being an ass. I can’t remember exactly how that happened, what specifically was being talked about at the time.

I thought child support was theoretically to keep the child in a similar style of life, I assume that means some child support might wind up going to expenses not specifically spent on the child in cases where there are high incomes.

She ended up getting an extra $100 each month in child support. My brother is still working 2 jobs and falling a little more behind on bills each month to get by.
His 5 year old daughter and her mother both have brand new iPads, clearly the money is being spent well~
Why does a 5 year old need an iPad?