Which Bible character, regardless of your belief system, made some sort of impression on you as a kid?
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ucme (
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July 31st, 2013
I’m an atheist dressed up as an agnostic because the colour suits me so well. No intention of creating a religion based shitstorm, no appetite for such crass dramatics.
I was bought a children’s Bible when I was, err…a child & loved looking at the pictures mostly, just two stories grabbed my attention.
I loved Samson, with his epic strength & love for his woman and David & Goliath, although it has to be said I was rooting for the big bugger.
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Samson was always my favourite.
Serious ass-kicking mo-fo that he was, beating down all the bad guys and pulling down a whole temple with his bare hands.
The backstabbing whore was a bit of an obvious plot twist, but enjoyable nonetheless.
… Did I mention my first Bible looked like a comic book?
I liked those two angels who rescued Lot’s family from Sodom. They seemed more like space aliens to me. I always thought of angels as space aliens as a kid. Ezekiel’s wheel in the sky is obviously their spaceship.
Odysseus was lame. I was hoping Poseidon would wipe his idiotic arse out the entire time.
David being a slender youth like myself, but slaying the giant Goliath. Loved that story. I still do.
You guys really know your bible characters.
/me deletes comments re: Lot.
@Seek_Kolinahr
I liked the way he killed the fuck that tried to steal his wife and his kingdom.
Well, he wouldn’t have had that problem if he didn’t abandon her to screw demigodesses for 20 years.
For that matter, what a moron Penelope was. I bet there were some fine gentleman callers she could have entertained in that tree-bed.
My one & only bible, was a gift from granny at xmas, it was a huge big thing crammed with glossy pics titled Children’s Bible.
I was a bit puzzled why she thought this gift was a good idea, but leafed through it anyway & immediately liked both Samson & Goliath, they appealed to my dark side I suppose.
Daniel the Lion-Tamer was pretty cool, too. And I just wanted Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
OMFG…I fucking love you Alyson & want your babies!!
That’s the exact one, what a blast from the past that is, cheers pet.
Does it have the juicy sex stories in it?
Probably, I never did find out what happened to it, got bored & chucked it out more than likely.
Jesus, I thought his miracles and his love for children and animals were pretty cool.
Also the story of Moses in the basket, Cain & Abel’s rivalry, and the pestilence God gave Moses to deliver to Pharoah.
I had the same one! It was me daddy’s when he was a tyke.
I daydreamed during Sunday school (“when will this be over so we can go out for breaky?”).
I was a terrible Catholic kid.
One of my favorites has always been Moses freeing the slaves, and all the plagues brought down on the pharoah. Although, I bet that story would explain my strange fear of locusts…
Esther, Judith, Ruth, Naomi.
(When did Odysses and Poseidon become biblical characters?)
@gailcalled
You are right. Odysseus and Poseidon actually exist.
Seriously? You guys didn’t have Odysseus and Poseidon in your Bibles?
The story of Noah was always my favorite one. I mean seriously, Noah was one badass motherfucker. How old was he, like 87? He builds a huge ass boat on his own, then goes catching two of every animal to store them in the boat. I mean this old dude had to run after jaguars, wrestle bears, hunt down wolves, stalk alligators, fight wolverines, lure eagles to him…can’t be easy.
I liked that story so much that as a birthday present when I was small, my dad got me a Noah’s Ark toy. It had a big boat, and tons and tons of little plastic animals, two of each of course. From rabbits to giraffes to lions to horses. I played with that toy forever, putting the animals in order and stuff. It was awesome. And yes, it had one plastic Noah lol.
I loved how Jonah was the reluctant anti-hero. First, he hops a boat to try to get out of the crappy prophet job God’s trying to give him (getting the Ninevites to repent), and gets a whale ride for his trouble. Then he gets all pissed off when the Ninevites actually do repent, because he’s been telling them all this time that they were toast and he was kind of looking forward to saying “I told you so”.
Then, the bottle-gourd episode is priceless.
Jonah manages to cop an attitude with God and not get his ass handed to him. You get the impression that even God was amused.
See, now that’s much better, theists/atheists/agnostics all together without a hint of bickering…well almost.
We can discuss biblical topics without any religious spats & all the crap that follows & if anyone chooses that path, may a plague of head lice land on your weary soft heads :)
Old Testament – Eve
New Testament – The Woman at the Well of Samaria
I suffer from severe post-baptismal stress syndrome and can remember nothing of any value from my years of instruction in Bible school. I was smitten with Jonah in the belly of the whale, and I loved the image of Noah boarding the animals on the ark. The animals were the attraction.
@ucme It’s much better when we’re all sittin’ down, drinking wine. :D
David and Goliath. My grandfather painted David and Goliath and it was hanging in a prominent place in my grandparents apartment, so it was one of the stories I knew. Also King Solomon and the baby.
I remember one story that bothered me a lot was Jonah being swallowed by a whale. It seemed to unlikely to me and part of what caused me to question all the stuff that is in the Bible.
Being dwarfs, you may have to “get down”
Is dwarf porn better than seahorse porn?
Yup, they’re hung like ponies.
Ahh, I can see the appeal.
Jesus, of course, David, and Job.
Job had a rough road, of course. God allowed Satan to ruin Job’s life, just to prove he was faithful to the Lord. He lost everything, but kept his faith. The Lord then gave him back everything, but it isn’t the same. Once you lose your family, getting a new one doesn’t fill the void of the lost ones.
Why is it always so difficult for me to read that as Jobe and not Jawb? ugh
Satan in snake form and then Potipher’s wife!
The story of Job.
Like @filmfann I was disturbed at the idea of God just letting Satan seriously mess this guy up just to prove a point.
Then giving him a new family. What the fuck? You can’t just replace people!
Noah’s Ark was one story that stuck with me for all the reasons cited above. Then Bill Cosby reinforced the tale for all time. “Who is this really?”
Hercules and Gabrielle are also not characters in the bible.
The whore of Babylon…well, Babylon in general.
I like the story of the Moses and the pharaoh not letting go of the Jews and God casting ten plagues. God showed the stubborn pharaoh who’s boss.
Jesus’s teaching are the most interesting thing to me in the bible, though.
@talljasperman: He also said “Bible character,” which means that he or she must be mentioned in the bible. Hercules is not; he is a character in Greek and Roman mythology. Gabrielle, as far as I can ascertain, is a fictional character from some movie or TV series.
Lazarus, but I forget why.
Just to clarify, “regardless of your belief system” was meant to deter any petty, tedious religious bickering which proved successful as it turned out.
Cheers folks, good stuff & very well behaved too…which is nice.
None as a kid that I can recall, but as a grown-up (so-called), I loved Cain and Abel in the silly movie Year One
Sigh indeed, oh & look, some brainiac even felt the need to reward it…bless.
“Who’s your favorite bible character?”
“Mickey Mouse.”
“What? Mickey Mouse wasn’t in the bible!”
“Oh, I know, I just felt like taking a crap on your question.”
Hey, but that’s okay coz the crap only comes out the bottom, just like on this thread.
Way too late to soil an otherwise enjoyable outcome :)
For those who hold an interest in the Bible but chose to abstain, it’s okay, i’m more than certain your God will forgive you…rest easy little children :D
I don’t think any of you guys have actually read the bible, either that or I always skipped the Odysseus and Hercules chapters…
Samson was always my favortie, he killed dudes with the jawbone of an ass, and lit foxes tails on fire, somehow as a child this made him my hero.
@bunnyslippers I was with you right up to the point of lighting foxes tails on fire. I like foxes and have a very different idea about how to get their tails really hot.
Re your other point, I’ve not only read the Bible multiple times in multiple translations, I actually studied it and comparative religion in college. There are numerous others here who are well schooled when it comes to the book.
Welcome to Fluther, but take it from an old timer here. It’s a big mistake to show up here and assume everyone else is your intellectual inferior. It’s almost certainly a false assumption and if so, points directly to your own lack of perception.
Actually, the first time I read the bible through, I read about the foxes and was so shocked I lost all of my respect for Samson. I mean, go to war if you need to, but animal abuse?
Like you, my favorite was Samson.
In retrospect, though, I have to say he seems to be the first document suicide terrorist. This has taken some of the gleam off of him. In my children’s bible he wasn’t lighting up any foxes either.
Of all people to relate to… Jonah. I totally get not wanting to go somewhere and having no choice. Being forced to move somewhere you don’t want to be, that sort of thing.
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