What does an apology consist of, in your opinion?
Asked by
tedibear (
19304
)
August 1st, 2013
In my opinion, an apology has three parts:
1. Saying that you are sorry. This includes what you are sorry about and why.
2. Sincerely meaning that you’re sorry. The recipient should be able to pick that up in your tone and from the words used.
3. Making an effort to change the behavior that caused the issue, hurt feelings, pain, etc.
I think these steps are for bigger apologies. Not so much for the apology for stepping on someone’s foot or walking into them. In those cases it should be evident why you are apologizing without the “what” or the “why.” I would hope that anyone would also make an effort to not step on someone’s foot again!
Would you include acceptance and forgiveness on the part of the person being apologized to as part of the apology process?
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13 Answers
A full & frank admission of guilt & a willingless to accept & move on from both parties.
Sincerity and truly and honestly not repeating that mistake!
@ZEPHYRA – do you want or need to hear the words, “I’m sorry.” ? Is that part of what you mean by sincerity? That’s how I took your answer but want to be sure.
The person receiving the apology has zero obligation to accept said apology, even if the person who is apologizing is sincere. Some horrible actions (that need to be apologized for) are beyond forgiveness.
I’m thinking about child molesters, rapists, people that abuse children and animals and a bunch of other people. I don’t care if they’ve found God or gotten off the drugs, or “come to their senses,” some actions are inexcusable.
I agree with your steps.
I got an apology from a guy friend who hurt me some months ago. He said he was sorry and that in the future he would do X and Y differently. I was very pleased.
But I agree with @Kardamom ; forgiveness is not necessarily a part of a successful apology.
@janbb I’m glad the fellow apologized to you, otherwise he’d have to face the collective!!!
I believe in admitting you were wrong. I believe in saying ooops. I believe in amends.
I don’t believe in I’m Sorry. I think it’s a bullshit phrase that eases the mind of the apologizer much more than the mind of the apologizee.
@Blondesjon I think the worst thing to say is, “Sorry if I hurt you.”
“Oh, hell, were those YOUR toes I stepped on? I thought they were that creepy right-wing guy’s toes, and I did it on purpose. I’m sorry I stepped on YOUR toes. Where are that guy’s feet, anyway? I want to tromp harder on them this time…
“Wait, um… you’re not a right-winger, are you?”
“Mistakes were made” is the very worst.
I should include an act of contrition.
It should have an implied contract that the infraction will not be repeated.
@janbb Another bad line is, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Meaning that the guy that just dumped me after cheating on me, would rather that I felt thrilled with his actions, rather than feeling hurt by them.
You’re sorry that I feel this way? I’m angry and hurt that you did that to me. Sorry my beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Yes, it still hurts after 30 some years
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