[NSFW] Are most of us really straight?

The ability of one to have sex with a person of the same sex without vomiting or being otherwise grossed out does not make one bisexual.

It’s sex. If given the option, I prefer being with men. I’m not sexually attracted to women; they do nothing for me. However, put me in prison for a few years and I might change my tune. As soon as I’m released, though, back to the cock I go. This does not make me bisexual.

I think sexuality is fluid and on a sliding scale and few people are 100% anything, but we’re not all bisexual because we have the ability to engage in sexual relations with someone of the same sex in extreme situations.

I must say I never expected the typical straight male lesbian dildo belief from you, of all people. A woman enjoying being penetrated does not mean she’d enjoy having sex with a man.

I believe there is a lot more bisexual feelings or curiosity than most are willing to admit. However I do believe that some people are totally heterosexual and some people are completely homosexual.
I know from personal experience, that I really couldn’t be happy with a man. I, like many others wrangled with my sexuality for years. The weight of family expectation, peer pressure etc does not make it easy to come out.
If I lived in a different era or I was forced to be married to a man, that’s exactly what it would be, forced. I’d be fundamentally unhappy.
As @livelaughlove21 said, I doubt a lot of people who use sex toys actually believe it is some sort of phallic extension. It’s more a case of pleasure seeking. Just because someone dresses up as a Dr in the bedroom, it doesn’t make them want to go and get a PHD.
I think it’s a lot more than just sex, it’s about connection, caring and love most of all.

“Vast majority”? Can you cite a source for that? I would think that straight people in prison would masturbate rather than willingly engage in homosexual activity.

@CugelTheClueless Yes, the vast majority. Much research has shown that most people fall (or have fallen, or will fall – the point is that sexuality is fluid) somewhere between straight and gay. (Here is an article about a study whose hypothesis opposes the above findings). Anyone wanna take the Kinsey test? More precisely, a test made to draw out the scale for people; Kinsey did not make a test himself.

I don’t know why the partitioning is so important, but I suspect it has to do with our identity being tied up with our sexuality.

I must be one of the rare 100% straights. I have never looked at a man and thought to myself “I want that”. If I see a naked dude’s ass on tv I put my hand up to block the view. No thanks.

@CugelTheClueless I agree that it’s not the “vast majority” of prisoners that engage in homosexual behavior while locked up, but it does happen. And it happens often. It’s more common in female prisons, not surprisingly, where many inmates create “families” inside. In male prisons, it’s more often non consensual and has nothing to do with enjoying gay sex. There are consensual gay male relationships in prison as well, though.

Sex and masturbation are not allowed in prison, but that certainly doesn’t stop them.

@wildpotato I believe that was in reference to the prison comment.

@FutureMemory Oh no, don’t look at that human ass! That would mean you’re gay! Oy…most straight men think they’re “one of the few.”

I like women, I love women, I fuck women my wife.
Now that’s out the way, I can elaborate further. I can certainly act “camp”, don’t think that’s an exclusively gay trait. I reckon i’m not afraid to reach out to my feminine side, whatever that means.

Q: Are most of us really straight?
A: Us?

It’s a matter of preference. Prison is hardly a model. Some sex is better than none. That is all that is.

Playing with dildos and toys does not mean that you want that in real life.

I think that most people are inherently straight.

@livelaughlove21 Obviously I have no problem looking at the human physique, but when it’s in the context of a ‘sexy’ slow motion shower scene with some dude’s ass all up in the camera, yeah, I don’t want to see it. I could care less what anyone thinks of that.

I fully support gay people. I have absolutely no problem with them in any way, shape or form. Just because I can honestly say I’ve never once been attracted to a man, that the idea of some hairy dude rubbing up on me is revolting doesn’t mean I dislike gays or look down on them, as your post suggests.

Here’s how I can best sum up the meaning of 100% straight.
It’s okay to embrace another man, no problem at all.
It’s fine to kiss a man, in a moment of mutual celebration, eg sports related.
Hugging while you’re both naked, raising the possibility of penis to penis contact is tantamount to crossing streams with proton packs on Ghostbusters & must be avoided at all costs.

I can appreciate beautiful women, but that doesn’t mean I want a relationship with them or that I’m going to masturbate to the thought of a beautiful woman. I’ve always been attracted to guys who are strong and larger than I am. That’s what turns me on and that’s what I’m comfortable with.

I meant to say that I thought most straight people would prefer masturbation to gay sex in prison. I know that there is a lot of gay sex in prison, and that some of it is consensual, and some of the consensual sex involves at least one person who wouldn’t do it if a woman were available. I did not know that masturbation was not allowed in prison.

I’ve never been in prison, but I’ve endured dry spells of over 2 years more than once. I’ve never been tempted to sleep with another man even when it was easily available. I’d rather date Miss Michigan for the rest of my life than do that. I got no game, but I fortunately I have a vivid imagination.

Dude, if it got down to you and me in prison, I am straight all the way. Nothing personal.

Yep, 100% straight here too. I had one encounter as a teen with another girl. More of a body exploration session rather than sexually arousing. It really was not. I like penises and the thought of oral sex with another woman grosses me out beyond words.

I have no idea what percentage of people are totally straight, partially straight, gay, etc. In my opinion sex is only a small part of being gay. The emotional bond is more important to me. I don’t know if we can count prison as a circumstance to make an opinion about whether men are are willing to be gay when they always idenified straight. I just wonder how often prison sex is actually mutual? It seems to me that population is likely to have people who are violent, and sex can be a form of coercion and violence. I have never read any information on that or thought about it really before, but it seems possible. I never hear about men having gay relationships in prison, you just hear about gay sex. Huge difference. I guess also with no women around, men who aren’t appaulled by the idea of gay sex, but basically identify straight, might participate if they are approached (I don’t mean in a threatening way here) because men do like to get blow jobs.

I do think the majority of the population is straight, but I think a large portion also are fairly fluid with their sexuality and very open.

I am straight, I have no desire to have sex with another woman, but I do find women beautiful and they can be arousing. Even in prison I don’t think I would find myself in a gay relationship.

Honestly, I don’t think any of it matters. Who cares if someone is gay, straight, bi, a, tran, it’s as important me as if they are blond, brunette, red, etc.

Kinsey made a scale 1 to 7 with 1 being totally into the opposite gender, 7 totally into the same gender, and the vast majority of people as always fall somewhere in the middle. But where ever people fall on the scale it’s so politicized that it appears polar.

@drhat77 I think we once did one of those quizzes here on fluther. Mine came out with some sort of weird result. Maybe I can search for the Q.

@JLeslie I posted a link to one in my reply above.

@wildpotato Sorry that I had missed it, I hadn’t really read over other people’s answers well.

I did find the Q I was talking about. I earned an F on the quiz. Basically I failed. LOL.

@wildpotato very sorry I totally missed your comment. Double lurve for you.

Most of us aren’t really anything until we understand categories and face compulsory heterosexuality. Because one sexuality is given so much weight in this society, I cannot ascertain what most people would actually figure out to be. I think desires, sexual included, are very influenced by social factors and the options available to people or identified to people as valid. I think if we had less hang ups, more people would experience pleasure with more people of different sexes and/or genders.

Sex is mostly between the ears and what we desire is distributed along a continuum of sexuality with most people within one standard deviation from the heterosexual mean.

The ” all are bisexual ” idea went out with Gore Vidal

@FutureMemory I didn’t imply that you have something against gay people. Not sure where you got that. I don’t find women sexually attractive but I can watch a scene in a movie where an actress shows her breasts, slow motion and erotic or otherwise, without covering my eyes like a 12-year-old. No one expects a straight man to get turned on by a nude male on TV, but it should be perfectly acceptable to expect them to be able to watch the scene without cringing or turning away.

My husband watched all five seasons of Queer as Folk with me, simulated guy/guy sex scenes and all, and never had to turn away. And he’s pretty damn straight – trust me, I’ve checked.

Like I said, most straight men will say, “I guess I’m one of the rare people that are 100% straight.” If that we’re true, it wouldn’t be rare.

Since I know I answered all of the questions correctly when taking the above survey, I must be a very unusual person…and I am.

<—- so straight, in a crooked kind of way.

I don’t think most people give their sexuality the same amount of thought as some people. If you’re leaning towards the heterosexual orientation and you’re not really giving any alternatives any thought, you think, act and consider yourself 100% heterosexual.
If I shall speak for myself, it is not until I have started thinking about my sexuality that the thought of me maybe not being 100% heterosexual has crossed my mind. (Now I am not saying sexuality is a choice, do not misunderstand me please).

@JLeslie hi five!

@wildpotato I failed the Kinsey test too. It gave me an “F” and suggested maybe I ansered some questions wrong. I think I’m ready to own up to bring a grey asexual.

@ucme “Hugging while you’re both naked, raising the possibility of penis to penis contact is tantamount to crossing streams with proton packs on Ghostbusters & must be avoided at all costs.”

As I recall it the one one thing they could never do until they had to do it…Your metaphor cracks me up.

@fundevogel LOL. I think my sexuality is totally logical.

I am very straight because I actually explored the option of been gay and trust me when that gay man kissed me it was for sure that I am as straight as an arrow. No way what so ever will I ever do that again. The thought of a same sex even touching me makes my skin crawl.
Sadly (very worried about that) I feel the same about the opposite sex as well. (I am seeing a therapist for that problem) So even if I am stranded on an Island or in a prison one thing is for sure is that celibacy is the way I want to go. I agree with @CugelTheClueless I’d rather masturbate. @JLeslie is right I think there should be an emotional bond as well.

@fundevogel :)

“Not all gay women play with dildos and strapons, but enough do to suggest they could enjoy heterosexual sex in a pinch.”

Sorry, but I find this insulting and narrow-minded. The usage of toys does not mean anything about one’s sexual identity. They are objects to bring one pleasure. They are not people. Unless you are suggesting that our sexual identities are purely based on pleasure, I don’t know why this would even be included as an example that might support your hypothesis.

The ability to have sex with someone does not necessarily have bearing on your sexual identity. There are plenty of gay people who, while in the closet, experimented with heterosexual sex who can tell you that they do not identify as being bisexual.

However, I also agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir in that society definitely plays a role on our willingness to experiment with or adopt divergent sexual identities. If society were different, people might be more open to experimenting for self-discovery.

@muppetish Two things interesting about what you wrote. One, I also think it is a little insulting saying dildos somehow prove lesbians would enjoy heterosexual sex. Being with a man has nothing to do with enjoying a sex toy. Although, interestingly I find gay and bisexual women to be much less interested than straight women in penetration of the women I personally know and some fluther girl jellies. Which of course is not a very large sample of people.

The comment about society basically says society accepting gay people means we will have more gay people in society. Would you agree with that?

If society were different, people might be more open to experimenting for self-discovery.

I think if we had less hang ups, more people would experience pleasure with more people of different sexes and/or genders.

I find these two comments a bit insulting. A gay person does not like to be told that their feelings are wrong, but it’s okay to tell a straight person they may be more open to experiment with the same sex if it weren’t for social factors and hang ups?

Are some of you implying there is something wrong with being straight?

@jonsblond I would say the same to people of whatever sexuality. Straight and gay are both constructs to categorize people’s acts/desires/relationships. If there is something wrong with one, then there’s something wrong with all. If there is nothing wrong with one, there is nothing wrong with all. What some of us are saying, though, is that heterosexuality is assumed and privileged and validated more than other sexualities so that might contribute to people not exploring acts/desires/relationships which would stray from it.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes, I do understand that. I’m a bit sleep deprived today and was looking at the comments differently I guess.

@JLeslie and @jonsblond I am not suggesting we would have more gay people. I was specifically thinking more in regards to people who are bisexual or gay, but feel uncomfortable with experimenting in order to find this out because society has made them feel deviant and urged them into closeted oppresion. I am not suggesting that more people would “switch sides” from heterosexual to gay. I could have specified this more clearly.

Experimentation itself would simply be more acceptable.

I am not suggesting whatsoever that there is something wrong with being straight or that it is abnormal to suggest that the majority of people identity as being heterosexual.

@muppetish I understood. I’m just thinking how people who don’t like gay people argue that if society makes it permissible, accepted as “nornal” there will be more gay people.

@jonsblond I am also so so sleep deprived, incidentally because I’m creating a very long list of important texts on sexualities for my Orals exam. So I’m kind of in the thick of it right now. Sigh. Re-reading Foucault’s History of Sexuality right as we speak and heterosexuality, back in the day, was also not a construct – I mean people had sex but eventually there came to be such things as ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’ in the West. In his book Invention of Heterosexuality, Katz says that when the word/discourse/knowledge of heterosexuality came into existence, it was considered a negative thing to call someone. Because of religious approaches to sex and sexuality, a heterosexual was bad because the term applied to people that had sex for pleasure, not procreation.

@muppetish I totally think we would have more gay/bisexual/queer people identifying as such, if we were still dealing with identification. :)

@ETpro “Lock heterosexual people up in prison and the vast majority will opt for homosexual relations rather than celibacy” Whilst I’m not sure I can agree with your use of vast majority here, I do agree with your premise.

I’ve taken a great deal of criticism for stating the following, but I don’t buy it when a person has the option to masturbate or keep to themselves that they’re entirely ‘straight’, even though they’ve choosen to have sex with someone of the same sex themselves in an extreme scenerio like prison, etc.
Maybe the latter group of people are ‘straight’ in normal circumstances, but when one does have other options but yet still chooses to sleep with the same sex, there’s just no way around the fact that the person is likely a closet bisexual whose preferences happen to lean more towards a particular sex.

It’s unfortunate how much people care about all these classifications. Who gives a shit if you exclusively like your own sex, the opposite, or a mix of both. It’s of so little consequence. As long as a person likes adult humans, that’s all I ‘care’ about. This has to be one of the biggest ‘issues’ in modern life that is no issue at all. Sad.

If I was in prison for life with only women, I would surely have gay sex with them. It is to satisfy an urge. Yes I could masturbate but surely after a while that would get old and you’d want to touch another person and to have them touch you. Peaches are my favorite fruit but if I could not have them for two years and could only eat kiwis, I would not permanently forget about the peach and continue to prefer the kiwi when the peach came back on the market.

Nope. Just lazy.

I would say that we are all at different places on the Kinsey Scale. I am a masculine identifying lesbian and my partner of 9 years is feminine identifying. We have both in our distant past (college years) been with plenty of male partners sexually speaking. The likelihood of me enjoying such adventures in comparison with my partner is higher even though people may stereotype it the other direction.

There are plenty of people in jail situations who opt for being “gay for the stay” so to speak. To me, the distance they are willing to go is in large percentage related to where they are on the Kinsey Scale. Though they may never have opted for such activities before jail time the culture in jail is different than on the outside. We often go with the “when in Rome” concept when it comes to cultures but if one were totally straight or totally homosexual on the Kinsey scale I think that unless they were overpowered they would not opt for such adventures outside their standard limits on that scale.

I had a friend years ago who was very attractive, feminine and also had a beautiful voice & a British accent. She never did any lesbian activities but rather opted for “trading services” that related to those assets of her voice and accent. She would read letters & books to people who couldn’t read. There were of course other things she did but basically never did she participate in female to female sexual activities.

@livelaughlove21 I’m sure you are right that all of us are somewhere on the continuum, but it it’s anything like a standard distribution, which it ought to be, then most of us are in the middle, and not 100% butch or femme. As to lesbians liking toys, I was of the same opinion as you until just recently when I read or actually hear from enough who do like strap-on fun and incorporate it in their sex play routinely that I decided I’d been to quick to judge. Could belief in porn being normal sex be a factor. All these women were young enough that it certainly could.

I’ll leave you with the immortal words of British Geneticist and Evolutionary Biologist, J. B. S Haldane, who said, “My own suspicion is that the Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.” [Emphasis mine] Of course, it’s often misquoted today with the word “stranger” being substituted for the original “queerer” which had a less negative connotation back when the statement was made. But for our purposes, I think it’s fine as originally written. It’s a unimaginably big, strange, queer world out there, far bigger and stranger than we can even imagine.

@spiritual Thanks for a fascinating perspective. I was not suggesting that all who use dildoes and the like see them as phallic symbols, just that if they take pleasure in the stimulation such appliances provide, and find themselves where the toys aren’t available but erect cocks are, it might cross their mind that a cock could provide the same sort of pleasant stimulation. One can always close their eyes and imagine they’re being penetrated by their favorite toy.

@CugelTheClueless Thanks for challenging me on that. I was working from an old study by Barnes & Teeters which placed the percentage of the male prison population engaging in same-sex activity in prison at 90%. But checking here I found that study alongside numerous others that place the numbers all over the map. I am guessing it has a great deal to do with how one asks the questions. What is clear from the aggregate data is that homosexual activity in prison is significantly more common than outside.

@wildpotato Excellent point regarding the drivers for partitioning. I’d like to see us grow past that.

@FutureMemory Even if you’re locked up for 25 to life with no conjugal visits, there’s always Rosy Palm and her 5 ugly sisters.

@ucme Good on ya’, mate.

@filmfann I think you know that far from straight, if I was any more warped, I could screw myself—and I would!

@marinelife I’d guess you are right that most people are inherently straight. Evolution would have seen to that. Now that overpopulation is the threat to survival, something different may be evolving.

@jonsblond Understood. And it bothers me not a whit that what doesn’t work for you works fine for me. Culls the competition.

@josie Dude, not to worry. It you and I were locked up and that’s how you felt, I sure wouldn’t rape you. :-)

@Coloma Interesting. I love eating pussy and ass more than anything else there is. To me, there is nothing more sublime. It is a bit of a turnoff to me if the person I am doing it to thinks what I am doing to them is disgusting and obscene.

@ETpro Not disgusting in the least, very wonderful…but for me, only if it is a mans face between my legs. I suppose if I was blindfolded I might not know the difference. lol

@Coloma So long as the thought of anybody (male or female) doing it doesn’t freak you out, I’m fine with that.

’@spiritual Thanks for a fascinating perspective. I was not suggesting that all who use dildoes and the like see them as phallic symbols, just that if they take pleasure in the stimulation such appliances provide, and find themselves where the toys aren’t available but erect cocks are, it might cross their mind that a cock could provide the same sort of pleasant stimulation. One can always close their eyes and imagine they’re being penetrated by their favorite toy’. @ETpro Your response, as above, actually makes me feel physically ill. I doubt I need to elaborate as to why.

@Kilmarto Sorry if my gener makes you physically ill. People who find other whole classes of their fellow humans repulsive enough to become physically ill even contemplating touching them—they have about the same effect on me.

@ETpro Amen

I have absolutely no problem with them in any way, shape or form. Just because I can honestly say I’ve never once been attracted to a man, that the idea of some hairy dude rubbing up on me is revolting doesn’t mean I dislike gays or look down on them,
(Get out your markers boys and girls, and circle the date on the calendar. Proof that @FutureMemory and I do agree with some things) I do not care how long I was in a prison, here or foreign that I would get sex starved enough to see some dude in the shower or out on the exercise yard with his shirt off and think, “maybe….”. There is not a woman hot enough that I would bend over, grease up, and let her bugger me with a strap-on, dildo, or anything. As much as I heard Brokeback Mountain was a good movie, I will never watch it. (putting on flame retardant suit) I have no problem with gays, I believe they redacted, so they already redacted, and it is not so much the fault of most of them as redacted. I just don’t want to be in Denny’s and happen to look up from my paper and catch two burly men swapping spit at the table next to me or a few tables down.

Anyone who believes they are bi-sexual I figure are redacted more than full on gays.

Prison is hardly a model. Some sex is better than none.
Disagree with that; no sex is better than same sex, or sex with a beast.

@Hypocrisy_Central You just HAD to get sex with a beast in there when talking about Gays. I know. You couldn’t help it. For a guy who claims he has no problems with gays you scream “I’m lying to myself about that” throughout your post above. What we humans claim to believe colors what we say about our beliefs. What we really believe colors our actions. Your actions speak right through your disclaimers about your beliefs.

@ETpro For a guy who claims he has no problems with gays you scream “I’m lying to myself about that” throughout your post above.
So you know for a fact that the gay people I knew in the past I despised secretly while openly having a friendship with them? My, you know so much even about what is in the human mind, what am I thinking right now?~ In the past when there were gays I was friends with, I genuinely seen them as good and nice people. Just because I did not see them as heinous, vile people don’t mean I had to accept and like their bedroom exploits the same as their public social behavior.

I did not have to get in sex with a beast with gays as if to link the two as you would allude. It was merely an illustration to point out that some people, myself included, can never get so horny as to accept any sex they would normally choose if the partner of their preference was available. If I got life in prison I would never say ”guess it is sex with a man or self-sex the rest of my days”. If I were on a deserted island and there were no women, then again there are women I won’t touch either, and no men, I would not say for the sake of not having to jack off I would use a large enough female beast as a substitute; overall there is no substitute for a woman for me. Now that we cleared that up……

@Hypocrisy_Central “Just because I did not see them as heinous, vile people don’t mean I had to accept and like their bedroom exploits the same as their public social behavior.”

That’s the great thing about it all. You don’t have to like what they do in the bedroom. Why? Because it has nothing to do with you and it’s none of your business. No one cares whether you (or anyone else, for that matter) likes what they do – it makes absolutely no difference. Do you also “like” and/or “dislike” what your heterosexual friends do in the bedroom? No, because you probably don’t care enough to form an opinion on it in the first place. Why should gay people be any different?

It’s this whole typical straight-guy notion, “I don’t have to approve of what they do to like them as people.” – Great, because your approval isn’t necessary.

@livelaughlove21 (give her tons of lurve for her rebuttal) Do you also “like” and/or “dislike” what your heterosexual friends do in the bedroom?
Why should gay people be any different?
That is why I don’t ask of that either, but here we are speaking of gays or if someone would choose gay sex if heterosexual sex was not available. But here it seems many other like that based on the number of NSFW questions permeating the site without rebuke, ask them the same question.

“I don’t have to approve of what they do to like them as people.” – Great, because your approval isn’t necessary.
Oh wow, I never thought I could have them conform.~ I never told them they needed my permission, but I also had the right not to associate with them because of what they did in the bedroom that I don’t approve of also. The choice to accept or reject them as friends, if they wanted my friendship, was always mine. If I did ‘t want it, I did not have to get approval from anyone else. So, it seem to be OK for me.

@Hypocrisy_Central “I did not have to get in sex with a beast with gays as if to link the two as you would allude.” As I allude.

Your own words, “no sex is better than same sex, or sex with a beast.” No linkage there, hey? It’s pointless to debate with someone who denies they ever spoke their own words.

@ETpro “no sex is better than same sex, or sex with a beast.” No linkage there, hey?
Not in the least. Here is why, you listening? Sex with the same sex denotes sex with another human. Sex with a beast is sex with something with an available vagina large enough to accommodate a penis. I clarified that fact before some smart-aleck came up with the dull ideal that if one skips sex with another human of the same sex, that they would use a beast as a substitute to not have to ”handle it” themselves. Got it? Good, oh who am I kidding? I can expect to see redacted- before that happens.

I tire of the hand waving. Adieu.

@jca You might want to re-read that comment. It doesn’t make much sense.

@livelaughlove21: You’re right. I am sitting here with many distractions, like jumping kittens. Embarassing! I should have said “I am sexually attracted to MEN only.” Too late to edit! Thanks for pointing it out. Maybe I’ll ask mod to remove.

I flagged it for them to remove it and I’ll re-write it.

I am straight, and am sexually attracted to men only. I do appreciate a woman’s beauty, but as far as receiving or participating in sexual behavior, I can’t imagine doing anything with a woman and have no interest in doing so.

@jca Enough of you have chimed in quite honestly saying that only heterosexual relations turn you on that I am satisfied that’s true for a large group of the population. Good. Makes me more special. :-)

no, makes you less picky

@Blondesjon Guilty as charged.