What's your biggest 'what the =U(|< am I doing with my life?' moment.

Wait.

There’s a way out?

In 1980 when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter.
I left her alcoholic father and moved back home. After she was born I got a real job.

Waking up to the fact I had to do something about my failed abusive marriage. I had to g to therapy to validate that I could get out, and then I resolved to leave. And I left when she verbally abused me once too often.

I had a moment like this back when I was in nursing school and absolutely miserable. Looking back, I don’t know what made me think I wanted to work in the medical field. Sick people, changing adult diapers, cleaning up shit and puke, having to touch weird things on people’s bodies, working all night, dealing with patients’ families, narcissistic doctors – blech! I got out of it by switching my major and making the decision to be a huge disappointment to my mother. I’m now a 5th year senior, but the end is near. I’m hoping I don’t have another one of those moments once I graduate, because I’m so done with school.

Right now, and I have no idea how I’m going to get out of this rut.
I went from being 100% debt free, living comfortably on part time work to losing my work, home of 7 years and savings in the last 3 years after being tanked by this economy,
I am very unhappy in the present moment and feeling trapped by my circumstances.
It really sucks, one day at a time is all I can do.

I would really like to just run away right now, destination unknown. lol

Life has actually never been that great to me. It’s actually been a series of moments. When something was going great something always happens to that great and snatches that up on me.

So now I’ve decided to stop focusing so much on my own personal happiness and greatness involving interpersonal relationships which include family and friends and romance because none of that ever works out for me.

Instead I’m focusing on an even more
achievable task lol I’ve decided to become a freak.

Yes, more than likely I think I will be wearing a tin hat soon.

My family and friends could never get enough of the way I ate
(vegan picky about everything) and the fact that for my mother’s health, since it was declining that I turned her vegan too. So out go my siblings and leave me to do all the dirty work. They were never really supportive anyway they don’t even talk to eachother despite my father’s dying wish and one used to traumatize me when I was 5 which most people think is funny, I think they just have a sick sense of humor. Because one thing involved power tools inches from my face and I was 5 my sibling was 17! Nuff said.

After my husband passed my so called friends nearly dropped from the planet. This month would be our 10th anniversary. :’(

My husband passed 4 years ago I’ve been vegan since then because his mother blamed me for killing him even though she had her entire family rallied around me telling me to pull the plug, I believed in miracles and saw him moving and no one believed me because she used my bipolar mental illness against me at that time and of course they were going to side with her. Then before I know it I felt the pressure to conform, I only had my mother with me who was not much help as I had just lost my father.

I’m not sure how I got out of all of those moments. Tbh, I don’t think I ever have because now what I am doing with my life is just a ricochet of what has happened to me. I just try to make it better and make myself feel better and get rid of all toxins. I guess I’m doing that literally now. :/

Because now I am going to make it up to my husband through the animals. He always did love animals, I always hated most meat and the way they treated animals to get it to our plate. So I can at least try to get something right. And help global warming :D

The worst part about it though is the more I research the more I uncover and the more I feel like we are all doomed anyway. My lastest tidbit is about electronics and tin and it’s not nice.

Ok thanks for the therapy session, I feel better already. :)

Every day when I wake up

When my boyfriend flung me over his shoulder while whiskey drunk in front of all our friends. Needless to say I became enraged after my head cleared, and got him out, filed a restraining order and got the heck out of there quick. It’s amazing how much thing’s clear up when you get mad.

It was when I graduated from college with a BA in Zoology and didn’t get the grades for veterinary school. So I ran off and joined the circus (actually the Army). Everything fell into place after that.