I can’t make one blanket statement because each one of my inlaws has their own personality. Overall, they are fine. We had a fall out several years back, mostly involving my SIL and myself. It dragged on too long, but things have smoothed over. At this point I am more in line with how my husband sees his family, previously I idealized them and the relationship.
My inlaws have always hated me. When my ex took my children, they told them I had been killed. Now, I get great pleasure from living in the same neighbourhood and blasting my horn loudly when I see them crossing the street, or saying “hi!!!” and waving crazily whenever I see them at the shops.
Well, my mother-in-law is great. She’s completely brainwashed and emotionally dependent on her asshole boyfriend, but I really like her as a person despite my feelings about that. She’s much easier to get along with than my own mother.
I’ve seen my father-in-law only a handful of times over six years. He’s a dead-best dad and that’s all I really know about him, which I’m fine with.
I really like one of my husband’s uncles and his wife. I also like his grandpa, one of his cousins, and I get along fine with both of his sisters.
The rest of them are ignorant rednecks that I can’t stand. I don’t show my disdain for them, but we typically stay far away from them as much as possible. His aunt and older brother are the worst. Worthless people…
They were quite affluent and out of touch with reality.
I did like my FIL but he was also an arrogant ass that just loved telling his ” How I put so and so in their place” stories. He was a big wig real estate guy and just adored himself. Sadly he is now dying of bone cancer, started with prostate cancer 20 years ago. He did have a good sense of humor and adored mine.
My ex MIL was/is very self centered and narcissistic, spoiled, controlling, bossy and pouty when she didn’t get her way.
No wonder I divorced their son, the little asshole apple didn’t fall far from the parental orchard. lol
I have a good relationship with my Mother in law, may be because we don’t stay together.A better relationship with in-laws will only be possible when there’s some space for everyone to be themselves. It is always better to live separately but close by so that you can be there for them or they for you, should the need arise.
My MIL was pretty hard to take the first couple years I was with her ‘baby boy’, but after we both stood up to her, and she saw I was capable of taking care of him appropriately (dinner, cleaning, etc…) she became a really good friend that we enjoy just hanging out with.
I’ve been separated for just about 12 years now (a full 12 years next month, actually), but I still see my in-laws from time to time. In fact, when I visit them sometimes in the summer, I stay with my brother-in-law and his wife, who have made me feel completely welcome in their home. From there I visit my mother-in-law and father-in-law, who live in the neighborhood, and another brother-in-law and family, and any number of cousins who happen to be at home. (The whole clan lives within two towns in Michigan.)
When we first separated I had heard reports that my father-in-law wanted to kill me (which is something to treat literally with him, when he says something that forcefully), but since then he has come to realize that I held things together as long as I could, and we’re totally cool now. Maintaining the separation, and keeping her on my health insurance, has helped to preserve the relationships. Living seven states apart hasn’t hurt any, either.
My instincts are usually pretty good, and I’ve always felt that my in-laws don’t especially like me, but only tolerate me because my wife might be the best person on the planet. So they tolerate me, and I tolerate them.
Anyway, in a few decades we’ll all be dead and there will be a whole new set of replacement people who must tolerate each other….
I have been married three times. My very first mother-in-law was wonderful. She took me under her wing and treated me like a daughter from the very first. My second set of in-laws were cold and mean, but they were just as cold and mean to my husband. My third set of in-laws were very nice to me. A little flakey, but that was no reflection on me.
Just a note, I do miss my first mother-in-law, Beth, but guess what? Her sister’s daughter just married my son (by my second marriage) in July, and the relationship I have with my new daughter-in-law is just like the one I had with Beth. Life really is a circle.