Should I return to my old "talk" therapist or seek a new one?
Asked by
drdoombot (
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November 11th, 2013
Recent events in my life have left me drained and depressed. I’m strongly considering seeing a therapist again and I’m not sure if I want to return to my old therapist.
On the one hand, she knows so much about my life and relationships. She was the one who counseled me about my family stuff, school issues and problems with my then current girlfriend. She is uniquely positioned to pickup from where we last left off (perhaps 14 months ago). This could be very helpful considering that a lot my current depression stems from isseus relating to my now ex-girlfriend.
On the other hand, I’m not sure how effective she was. She wasn’t bad per se, but I found her somewhat less effective than a previous therapist (who moved away). The first one was really quite fantastic at giving me insight into other people’s thoughts and feelings. The second one was a good listener and offered solid advice, but I felt I made less progress with her in a longer period of time than with my first.
Part of me feels like I should move on and try to find someone new who might be more effective, though I’m not looking forward to having to relate the entire story of what’s been bothering me for that past 1.5 years (or perhaps fearing my version will be heavily biased). My most recent therapist might have some insight into my relationship because she was there as it was happening; like many people, I might just be looking back at the past through rose-colored glasses and could use a reality check.
Any thoughts?
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7 Answers
I think if you are mixed about how effective she was it makes sense to try someone new. My therapist has know me for over twenty years and that is invaluable but she is also extremely effectve and insightful. It wouldn’t hurt to try someone else; you could always return to the old therapist later if you decide that would be better.
It wouldn’t hurt to try someone else; you could always return to the old therapist later if you decide it would be better.
@janbb‘s suggestion is a good one. Not every therapist is right for every patient, and I have discovered that even a therapist who was helpful during one period in my life was not so during a different period.
Try someone new. I have gone to three different therapists over five years. I felt they were all helpful. One had conflict in schedule I would always have to go during work hours. The second moved away and the third was moat helpful of them all.
They were all very different and had different approaches and things to offer. I feel I gained the most from the last one in the shortest period of time.
Catching them up and building a comfort zone is always hard and something one never looks forward to. But it isn’t all bad as that. And if you fear biasness you will hopefully try to mitigate that and be forced to look at things as honestly and in a light then before.
If it doesn’t work out you can go back to your previous one. No harm no foul.
Your first therapist got a lot of the low hanging fruit. The easy and obvious stuff that got a lot of mileage early on. Especially since it was all new and every step was mind blowing. As you started expecting what would come with every step, each one had less impact.
You met your second therapist, a lot of the easy stuff was dealt with. Now there were harder, thornier problems to tackle, that took a lot of forethought, cautious progress, rechecking the course, etc.
The main goal of a therapist is to lead you to a position where you can deal with life on your own with occassional check-ups. But like you said you feel like you are not improving on anything even after talking to her for a long period, then you need to change your therapist. At times just taking a break from therapy too helps!
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time, @drdoombot. :(
If you’re open to a new therapist, I’d probably go that route. As others have said, you can always go back to the other one.
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