"NSFW" How can I tell if he enjoyed it?

(At the risk of sounding like an old coot) I think you’re too young to be having sex.

Why, exactly, are you having sex with him? I don’t hear anything about desire, I hear a lot about you not enjoying it, and you seem to be stressing out. So why are you doing it?

Yes, sorry my darling, but I have to go with @syz on this one.
I suggest you stop having sex for another 5–10 years depending on your age.

@syz lol im 21

@Mp123 Physical age doesn’t matter. Emotional maturity does.

I don’t hear much in the way of connection, of communication, of sharing.

You’re having to judge his reaction by the volume of the noises he made? You thought he wanted you to leave? You think he may have been “fed up”? So much of what you describe sounds like two awkward strangers…how long have you been seeing this guy? Again, why?

I think @syz has a valid point. Sex is a connection of two people letting go and enjoying each other. It is a shared experience whereby people show their love or lust depending on the situation. You might be 21 but have you considered that you only really focused on him it sounded like a non event for you? He also appeared to focus on himself to be honest. You might not be ready to share the very intimate parts of you (feelings etc.,) so therefore might not be ready for it.

The feeling should be mutual. He should make sure that you have a good experience before he decides to go to sleep.

How can you tell if he enjoyed it? Ask him.

Really. If you can’t speak frankly about sex with him, you’re probably not ready to be having sex with him. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

Yes I understand, I would say that I regret doing it but I choose not to regret tings because you learn from everything.

But I felt under pressure that night, not at all because of the guy he didn’t force me to do anything but I just felt under pressure because I was at his house and stuff.

And I couldn’t understand what I was feeling, always like I didn’t feel him coming in and out of me.

It’s weird like the first time I did it, it really hurt but when the guy was doing it it was like I wasn’t there and afterwards ( days,weeks) when I would try to re-examinate the feel or sequences of events, it was like my mind didn’t remember.

And it happened again we were doing it, it hurt when he came in but when he was doing it, I didn’t feel anything almost like I wasn’t there just quiet. @syz @LornaLove

So weird.

@Seelix I would ask him but he’s not talking to me at the moment because we got into an argument this week-end… :/

You need to stop spending time with losers. And you need to stop letting men/situations/peer pressure/lack of self esteem (whatever it is) pressure you into doing things that you don’t want to do.

Your “mind not letting you remember” is trauma. Don’t put yourself in these situations. Don’t go with the flow. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be having sex “at your age”.

Be a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and stands up for herself.

I think you are spending way too much time analyzing what your boyfriend thinks and feels about the way you make love. Just because he did not talk to you about it doesn’t mean it was bad for him. Try to get to know each other well and give it some more time and you’ll figure out if he enjoys or not.

@syz You’re right, I feel bad for feeling that way about both situation. But what can I do now. :(

Start by figuring out how to prevent this kind of destructive scenario from ever happening again. If I rememeber correctly, you had mentioned feeling depressed in another thread. Can you find a therapist to talk with about how to get *your*life on track, which patently does not include having thoughtless and hasty and meaningless sex under any circumstances. Stop devaluing yourself.

If you are at “his house and stuff” and you feel pressured to behave in any way that feels wrong, call a cab and stay at a motel.

Did he cum?

@ragingloli has gotten to the point- did he orgasm? And his telling you he was about to come on the second round was his being communicative and mindful of you.

@gailcalled Yes i reaaly want to talk to one but they’re really expensive here so for now it’s not really an option…

@zenvelo yes he did well we were in the position and he asked im gonna cum okay and i said okay and he pulled out and masturbate for a sec and came…

There is your answer. Males are simple beasts.

Sweetie, you better not be using the “pull out and pray” method. If you’re going to continue having sex, please go buy some condoms.

@Mp123
When a male has an orgasm, it means he enjoyed it, at least to some degree.
Men can not fake orgasms.

ok @ragingloli

Thanks Raggie. Not only that, they pretty much won’t let you go until they have one. Your friend sounds a little clueless about what women want though. It takes more work and patience than it does for a guy.

First things first I believe if a guy falls asleep after sex than he is a self centered prick and him reaching an orgasm and ejaculating is a good indicator that he enjoyed it.
The fact that you did not feel any pleasure is because you are not ready for a sexual relationship. What I do believe about sex is that both parties must enjoy it not only one person.

“First things first I believe if a guy falls asleep after sex than he is a self centered prick”

Sounded more like he was trying to sleep/cuddle.

“And he lay his head on me and continued to sleep.”

On one hand, I would agree with @syz – You need to get to know each other better, and develop more feelings for each other before going any further.

On the other hand, I once had a girlfriend who would pass out if “things went really well”. So crapping out may not be as inconsiderate as people make it to be.

Wow. @Mp123 asks what I considered to be a straightforward and decent question, and you are all moralizing the crap out of her. She wanted facts, not sermons. If she were 14, it might be one thing, but she is a functioning adult at age 21. She said that she’s still learning about sex and men, and her question, in that respect, was perfectly legitimate. What I heard was a lot of holier than thou sermonizing from the aging morality crows.

@Mp123 – keep asking questions. And keep meeting and enjoying men. Relationships are about experimenting and communication. They are all different. Each couple finds their own balance.

My advice: there is no better person to tell you whether he enjoyed it but him. Communicate.

I suppose your partner is young and not too experienced too. Also I think you were not ready for having sex yet. This is something unrelated to our physical age and for us women, being ready is not always a crystal clear moment. If this relationship is one you enjoy, one you think that has future then I think you should invest more on the communication part. I see you wondering if you pleased your partner more than wondering why you did not enjoy it, this tells me not only that you were not ready emotionally, but your relationship is not really up to that point yet.

Your boyfriend is clearly inexperienced as well. What I would do if I were you: sit down and talk with him. Get to know each other, invest time to your relationship and the rest will come.

@elbanditoroso If we were to simply answer the question, there would BE no answers. There is no way on earth that can know whether he did or didn’t enjoy it.

@elbanditoroso Thank you ! :)

@kounoupi We actually don’t talk anymore because i notice some lies he said as we were getting to know each other and decided to ask him about them and he flipped out. I dont know if it his ego or something but he just got mad and reverse the situation on me. And we did not talk ever since

Plus the next morning we got intimate we both suggested to keep it between us. but was really affect me, more like a slap in my face or ego or pride i dont know is that he ask me not to tell one of my close girl, when i ask him why if he like her he said no. But i dont see any other reasons why he would mention her name. I felt so stupid about the whole situation and I was mad at myself because before getting intimate, my intuition was telling me maybe he likes her but I decided not to listen and afterwards he tells me this. just wow. And even if I didnt have emotions for him just really appreciated his friendship it still hit me what he said.. @LornaLove @syz :(

I’m sorry, but this sounds like the most awkward sexual encounter I’ve ever heard of. You obviously didn’t enjoy it – why stress about how he felt? It doesn’t seem your sexual compatibility is up to par. And if you don’t even talk to him anymore, what does it matter?

I can’t imagine getting a compliment from my guy in the middle of sex and simply saying, “thank you.” No need to be polite in bed, and no need to reply to such comments at all unless you’d like to contribute to the dirty talk.

As for your question – yes, he enjoyed it. He had an orgasm, wanted you to stay, had sex with you again, and had another orgasm. If a guy truly isn’t into sex with someone, they probably won’t gush about your body, want you to sleep over, and keep texting you afterward. Here’s a hint: it doesn’t take much to please a man sexually.

TIL post coital cuddling is only acceptable if the female does it.

@livelaughlove21 you’re right, thank you:)

@Mp123 What @livelaughlove21 said. All the signs point toward him enjoying the encounter.

Sorry, but I’m going to add more unsolicited advice. Nothing in your question or your replies here in the thread make it seem like you enjoyed the encounter. Where was your desire, in this whole thing?

When you’re a young woman and new to sex, it’s really easy to get pressured into doing things you don’t really want. Sometimes you feel indifferent or lukewarm about having a sexual encounter, not really for it or against it, and it’s clear that your partner really really wants to have sex (even if they don’t say it in so many words.) Girls and young women are often taught to be agreeable, to the point that it becomes ingrained, and our first instinct is just to agree to everything. With a lifetime of that behind you, it might seem easier to go with the flow and let sex happen, even if you’re not really into it.

You don’t have to do this. The guy might be upset, and it might be awkward. But if he cares so little about your desires, and respects you so little, who cares? Most young men don’t seem to think it through at this level. They’re just horny, and want to make sex happen; empathy for you doesn’t come into the thought process. Some of them are even nice people at other times and in other ways- just thoughtless when it comes to sex.

You can gain a lot from putting yourself into the other person’s shoes. If you’re about to consent to sex you don’t really want, it means your sex partner either doesn’t know or care that you’re a barely willing participant. And when it comes to enthusiasm, body language, and sex, you can really tell. My point is, if you consent to sex you don’t really want, your partner is either completely clueless, or a real asshole. Is that someone you want to be having sex with, anyway?

From the encounter you described, I doubt the guy is asking himself whether you enjoyed it. The way you’ve written it, it sounds like you felt ambivalent and let your mind wander to escape the physical reality of the situation. That doesn’t sound enjoyable at all.

When you have sex that you really want, with someone you really want to be with, it’s like night and day. If you have mutual attraction and affection, and you’re both in the moment, it’s fun and joyful. The right partner will care about your pleasure and make it their priority, rather than just focusing on their own. It takes trial and error to get there, but you deserve to enjoy sex. It’s so important to stand up for yourself when you need to, and to find a caring and respectful partner.

@Haleth Thank you for taking the time to answer me, your message was really helpful and helped me clear things out in my head.

I think you’re right because it was the second time I was getting intimate with someone and it happened both times. I felt the pain when it was coming in but after that I didn’t feel nothing. Really weird. And I could feel my eyes empty even if I was looking straight in the person’s eye.

When it happened this time I felt like it was a lesson. That it was telling me to never do anything I didn’t feel like doing and to always trust my instincts. (I don’t know if you read my answer 4 cases up). But what I mean by feeling pressured is that I was in his house so I felt like I kinda had no other choices.

Although I’m thankful for things not being awkward afterwards. (He could of said something like: ’‘Bitch go home now’’ but didn’t and was really nice and we continued to chill and he text me everyday after.

But overall, I know I shouldn’t of done it my instincts were telling and especially with what he said a little before I left : ’‘Don’t tell your cousin, I don’t want her to know’’ made me feel really stupid…

Hey…you aren’t alone in your experiences. Like I said, women are far more complicated than men. It’ll all come together one day. No need to force it. Wait for that guy who takes your breath away. It’ll be way cooler then!

Yes that what I tell myself thank you :) @Dutchess_III

@SecondHandStoke What do you mean :/ .. !?

Someone above said in so many words that if the male passes out after sex he’s a bastard.

That is of course a ludicrous statement.
Men are bastards either way.

Oh okay, lol xD @SecondHandStoke
haha @ragingloli :D

@

Look, maybe it is his turn to ask you if you liked it? Did you? You obviously didn’t that much because if you did, there would be no such thoughts in your head right now. Sex is for both partners to enjoy, not to be a slave for pleasing your boyfriend. That’s the first thing. Second thing is you should work on your confidence because you try to find flaws in everything although his behavior and how he acted is pretty common men behavior.

@laceymary I don’t know, It wasn’t pleasurable, but I couldn’t picture the feeling, I dont know how it felt.

What do you mean by I try to find flaws in everything ?

Duh, was he grunting and moaning loudly? did he hop up the moment you guys were done and head for the shower or out of the house? After he woke, did you guys boink like bunnies again? If your answers were “yes”, “no”, snd “yes” then he had a ball, just not you. Age notwithstanding you are still a novice at this game; if you plan on continuing to play at this level you better learn the rules of the game.

Ok I think I got the message. Thank you @Hypocrisy_Central

^ Sorry, I guess it was rather harsh, even if you are not some hoochie getting rode by every member of the football team, knowing if someone enjoys something or not is quite easy unless they are the best of liars, which in any case, you would not want to be with him anyway.