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livelaughlove21's avatar

Why are jellies so hush-hush about the names of recently departed members?

Asked by livelaughlove21 (13630 points ) December 7th, 2013 from iPhone

It seems when a long-time or favorite jelly leaves Fluther, it will come up in a thread or be the topic of a Meta question, but the name of the person is kept under wraps. You’ll ask who left and either no one will respond or they’ll PM it to you.

What’s the point of this? They left, why do we need to keep their identity some type of secret? No one has any problem mentioning names months/years after the departure – what’s the difference? Is there some sort of rule I’m unaware of? It just seems pretty silly to me.

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25 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

I think it is like politics you can’t name someone specifically. It’s to keep privacy for the users.

johnpowell's avatar

I think the policy is more of a don’t call out other people in public. It isn’t really specific to people that leave.

If I started a question titled, “Why is livelaughlove21 constantly wrong about everything?” it would be deleted too.

jonsblond's avatar

Our answers would be removed if we talked publicly about users who have left. Most of us don’t like to break the rules, so we play along as best as we can. It’s something you learn as you go along. I don’t believe there is a written rule.

Respect for privacy of the former member was the reason given to us for removal of questions and/or comments about a specific member.

snowberry's avatar

And sometimes people come back and re-activate their accounts. So if we started gossiping about someone who left and then they returned, well, you can imagine how that would go.

But it sure sounded (and felt) strange when I mentioned to someone here, “I sure wouldn’t want to offend someone who has already left, so I won’t say it.”

downtide's avatar

We generally don’t allow threads that name names at all, whether the users have left or not. The only exceptions permitted are the lurve parties for hitting a milestone (10k, 20k etc).

ucme's avatar

The delicate fumbling that surrounds naming of users is really very clumsy.
The facts are that any user may be named in a thread so long as it’s in a positive light, no questions, other than party threads, may single out an individual user for special praise, but a question asking for users positive traits en masse is fine.
Although some gentle souls who are not mentioned in that regard may crumble through neglect.

zenzen's avatar

I miss the zebra and the symbol formally known as Daloon – just saying. Also a PD/DP rhymes with Shmorkin. Too many more to mention by name, anyway, alzheimer sets in earlier these days…

livelaughlove21's avatar

Okay, I get it I guess. For some reason, though, a couple of you just assumed that negative things would be said about the person. “Why is @livelaughlove21 so stupid?” is a lot different than “Did we lose @jonsblond? I hope she comes back!” or simply ”@jonsblond is the one that left.” Obviously, any answers containing personal attacks would be modded. It’s just super awkward to see threads where everyone is saying things about the person (“She just got sick of the constant nasty comments thrown at her.”), but only a few people know who the hell that refers to. And that still doesn’t explain why we can name names after the person has been gone awhile (“I sure wish @Shippy was still around.”). Is it one of those “too soon” things?

No big deal. To be honest, I only care because I’m nosey and just want to know who people are referring to. I’ve never had the desire to start a thread about another jelly, regardless of the reason.

janbb's avatar

@livelaughlove21 They made it a policy some years ago that Jellies couldn’t be named in the title of a question and only positively thereafter.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

:) A break did me good.

glacial's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I agree that mentioning who left does not have to be in a negative context, but if you consider that people often leave because of some negative event, I suppose the likelihood of someone in that thread eventually saying “I’m glad he’s gone” or “let’s re-hash that embarrassing thing that happened to them” is pretty high.

@Mama_Cakes Yay, you’re here!!

Coloma's avatar

I agree with not showcasing members in Q. titles, but I also see no harm in a little exchange of ” Hey, whatever happened to so & so..”
If someone knows they can be vague in their response such as a simple ” They needed a break” or ” They were upset about something and chose to go.”
I could care less if anyone wants to talk about me, but, I am also not going anywhere and wouldn’t announce it if I was. I’m either here or I am not, if I disappear everyone can safely assume it was a choice, or I am dead. lol

Kardamom's avatar

@Mama_Cakes Well, hello my dear! I hope you’ll be able to stick around for a spell : )

LornaLove's avatar

I agree. It kind of supposes that everyone would be rude to that person after they have left. Those could be modded and removed. I often think of two members here and wonder how they are. They were great people. I do wish some would just go and stay being gone though. That is not a heated remark just thinking aloud I guess!

johnpowell's avatar

@LornaLove Those could be modded and removed.

That is sort of the problem. It makes more work for the mods. They don’t get paid and it is pretty unfair for us to ask them to clean up our mess.

And it always turns messy when two similar things have different outcomes on online communities. You really can’t make precise slices in policy unless you want to deal with never-ending bitching.

And again.. These policies weren’t baked into Fluther 7 years ago when it started. They were the result of needing to fix a real problem that was occurring on the site.

Mariah's avatar

I believe the rule saying that users couldn’t be directly referenced even positively was mainly put in place because people were getting upset that they weren’t getting mentioned, and feeling left out.

downtide's avatar

@Mama_Cakes I’m so glad you came back.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Good to be back!

zenzen's avatar

^ Yay.

syz's avatar

@Mariah is also correct, in addition to the risk of hurtful negative comments, questions like “Who’s the greatest Fluther user ever?” reinforced cliques and became “popular kid in school” type of contests.

johnpowell's avatar

And if anyone is curious syz is the greatest fluther member. She gets to hug Tigers during her day job.

jazmina88's avatar

and folks who leave because they are asshats, should remain nameless, as not to give them glory or substance.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I came he too late. And I really wished I’d come sooner, because days ago I wrote a question asking about the whereabouts of a jelly and the question got deleted. If only I know questions like that are forbidden in the first place :’(

VS's avatar

I’m glad to know this rule, too. There are two I recall from my time here before whose answers I REALLY enjoy, but who are no longer here and my curiosity just wonders why they aren’t still sharing their wisdom. One has a large colorful ass as their avatar…

augustlan's avatar

If anyone has a question about a particular member, they can always send me a PM. Depending on the circumstances, I may or may not have information, and I may or may not be able to provide details. A fair amount of the time, though, I can give at least some information, and can often pass on a message to someone who isn’t here anymore.

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