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ETpro's avatar

[NSFW] What illegal act would you do if the law would allow you?

Asked by ETpro (34195 points ) December 13th, 2013

Our sense of what is morally acceptable constrains us from lots of actions. Legal or not, most of us have no desire to commit armed robbery or murder. But most of us do have at least one or more things we would actually do if it were legal—things that we avoid simply because we don’t want to run afoul of the law. What is it you’d actually like to do, and definitely would do if it were suddenly legal for you to do it? If it’s something that’s SFW, then just click to this version of the question.

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53 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

become a real priest?

El_Cadejo's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever really let legality determine if I do something or not; that’s what morals are for. I suppose really the only thing that would change would be doing said acts in public rather than privacy.

FutureMemory's avatar

Fuck a horse.

Guys, back me up on this.

ragingloli's avatar

@FutureMemory
That is already legal.

ucme's avatar

Slide my penis into a dolphin’s blowhole, that’ll wipe the self satisfied smile from their face…or not.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@ragingloli Ever hear of bestiality laws?

Katniss's avatar

Edited by me, because I’m a dumbass!

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Katniss Psst, this is the NSFW version.

Katniss's avatar

@livelaughlove21 Hahahaha I realized that after I posted. I was just coming back to edit. Again! Derp!

ucme's avatar

Do sign language at Mandela’s memorial service using only my twitching, erect penis.
That fucker did no better, so…

Blackberry's avatar

I would speed.

With the capabilities of cars only improving over time, 80MPH isn’t fast anymore. It’s like the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about: Yeah, everyone says speeding is bad, but so many people do it. There’s entire industries and recreational events dedicated to having fun with cars, including using them to speed, yet accelerating from 84 to 85MPH becomes reckless driving and now we’re crazy, unruly drivers out to kill that soccer mom and her kids because a wide 4–6 lane highway can’t handle multiple cars going 90 instead of 80? I’m not buying it.

I think unnecessarily slow/cautious drivers want everyone to slow down because they just think everyone else is crazy for going fast, but how much trouble is that guy going 75 in the left lane causing everyone else wanting to go 80 or 90? When we’re coming up on them from behind, now this line of cars that was moving at a normal flow, now has to break and slow down because of this one person.

ragingloli's avatar

With the capabilities of cars only improving over time, 80MPH isn’t fast anymore.
The drivers are not improving though.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I’d go up to a fundamentalist (choose a religion, it doesn’t matter) and slug him in the gut. I’d ask him what gave him the right to control and ruin other peoples’ lives. I’d ask him to prove to me the veracity of the bible and the existence of god, with some horrific penalty if he couldn’t.

Judi's avatar

Drive much faster on the freeway.

anniereborn's avatar

Take a bat to anyone who hurts others. Only in their legs, I’m not that bad.
I know…“an eye for an eye”, not the thing I am most proud of.

antimatter's avatar

Kill my ex wife…

livelaughlove21's avatar

People…this is the NSFW version. Speeding goes on the SFW version.

El_Cadejo's avatar

@livelaughlove21 that happens with most of @ETpro ‘s sfw/nsfw questions…

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Speeding while getting laid. See, speeding can go here. Just don’t crash.

anniereborn's avatar

Taking a bat to anyone who hurts others…...while I’m getting laid. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@anniereborn Mine was going to be tricky, but if you can do yours I’ll be impressed. And a little scared. :)

Judi's avatar

Oops. Sorry. Flutter only gave me one in my “questions for you.”

DWW25921's avatar

I would put oil on peoples door handles to slightly inconvenience them! Oh, the mayhem!

Coloma's avatar

Make counterfeit cash in my basement. Well..I don’t have a basement, but I could get one. lol

bolwerk's avatar

I don’t think any laws really stop me from doing anything. It’s a naive view of the world that holds that laws stop people from behaving badly or that people only behave well because of them.

talljasperman's avatar

Marry my social worker.

wildpotato's avatar

I’d go topless in more places – though it’s kinda surprising how many areas already allow female upper nudity, such as NYC.

@Adirondackwannabe Looks like @Blackberry beat you to it. What’s really funny is I found this reply while looking for a really old one by a departed member, @pdworkin – I remember he once told a story about a game he used to play with a lady friend that involved her giving him head as long as he stayed at over 80mph.

DWW25921's avatar

I would use my hands in a buffet line instead of using the tongs.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@DWW25921 Is that illegal?

DWW25921's avatar

@livelaughlove21 Ever been inspected by OSHA? They’ll shut a place down for less!

livelaughlove21's avatar

@DWW25921 Sure, but nothing would happen to you for doing it, aside from dirty looks.

DWW25921's avatar

They could totally arrest me for causing a disturbance.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@DWW25921 I seriously doubt it. The owner would ask you to leave way before the cops were called.

I’m just saying there’s no law against touching food at a buffet. Just a social norm. A good one, but still not a law.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@wildpotato Blackberry beat me to the speeding idea, he’s a crazier driver then I am, but he didn’t toss in getting laid at the same time.

wildpotato's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Whoops, I forgot to include the link. I meant to post this old post of @Blackberry.‘s

DWW25921's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I guess I’m just not cut out to be a rebel.

Blondesjon's avatar

I would track down and kill folks who prey on children.

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I bet you’d vote for scenic masturbation points too. lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@wildpotato Oh crap, LMAO. God that’s funny,
@Coloma Hey get it where you can. :)

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe That was a joke I made up years ago, traveling with friends, said some of the majestic turnouts should be scenic masturbation points. At one with nature. lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Coloma Cumming with a view. I like it!

ETpro's avatar

@ragingloli ½ of a GA. NSFW? Very likely. Illegal? Definitely not.

@FutureMemory Fuck a horse? Do you really want to? Chances are the horse would refuse to testify.

@ucme I’m thinking that would leave your balls dangling right in front of that tooth-filled smile, and looking for the world like seafood. You know you’d deserve it it the dolphin bit ‘em off. And there would still be that frozen smile.

@Katniss Maybe if we suspended the legal code AND SFW/NSFW rules, you could finally do what you really want to do. But what is that?

@Blackberry & @Judi Speeding is NSFW? What sort of speed are we talking here?

ETpro's avatar

@elbanditoroso Maybe I could provide backup. That’s NSFW because if you hit them hard enough, I might just slip into their back door.

@anniereborn Slide that bat into the rear orifice between there legs. That’s definitely NSFW and poetic justice as well.

@Judi Fluther cheats us, Precious.

@DWW25921 A cute prank, to be sure, but if that’s NSFW then people in your neighborhood must use very unusual methods of grasping their doorknobs.

@Coloma GIven that this is the NSFW version, what meaning are you envisioning for the word “make”?

@talljasperman How is that NSFW or illegal?

@wildpotato I’d be all for that happening.

If it were not do reckless, I’d love pdworkin’s idea of how fast driving sucks.

DWW25921's avatar

@ETpro Imagination is a beautiful thing.

ETpro's avatar

@Blondesjon If you need backup, I’m in.

@Coloma Love the idea of highway signs pointing out scenic masturbation points. Of course, voyeurs would totally love that too.

DWW25921's avatar

I would steal car antennas and practice fencing moves in the street… naked! @ETpro is that better?

Coloma's avatar

@ETpro Oops, missed the NSFW, thought it was just random illegal acts.
Okay, I’ll burn a few hundred $20’s whilst watching waterfowl porn. lol

bolwerk's avatar

BTW, you realize there are so many laws in the U.S. that you pretty much break a law every day, right? Most Americans are probably felons.

Coloma's avatar

I’m a speeder and known for my “California Stops” on occasion. lol

FutureMemory's avatar

Kudos to the few that admitted they would commit murder!

bolwerk's avatar

Murder? You mean executions?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fuck a horse.
Strange someone could actually, not directed at @FutureMemory, commit this abomination hand still teach kindergarten while many would hardly bat an eyelash, but other less abominations make people bring out pitchforks and burning oil.
Sorry Future, I can’t back you on that. I don’t want that part of a horse, or any other animal for that matter, anywhere near me, ever.

The only thing outside of letting her rip on the freeway is spray painting a mural on the side of a well-viewed building.

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