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perfectly_happy13's avatar

Do you think I should have said yes?

Asked by perfectly_happy13 (23 points ) December 26th, 2013 from iPhone

Ok I’ve been on the band for 2 years, and my friends joined me on my second year. I find out over the summer that one of the drummers likes me, and i never told anybody but I like him too. And the reason I never told anybody was because no one really likes him, but me. Now the other day he asked me out and I went straight to my friends, even though I wanted to say yes. But long story short, I ended up saying no. Do you think I made the wrong decision? If so, is it too late to fix it?

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11 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Basically, you should always say yes when there’s a choice. You can always say no later, so say yes first.

ccrow's avatar

For Pete’s sake… you like him, he likes you- why ask anyone about it? Go for it. I don’t think it’s too late, but you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Ask yourself why you said no. I always think to myself that you never know until you try as well, but something made you say no. What was it?

ibstubro's avatar

If no one really likes him but you, there’s probably a reason. Are you perhaps attracted to him because he has a ‘bad boy’ image?

Ultimately I think you probably made the right choice in turning him down. Why go out with someone that’s in the same crowd as you are, but universally unpopular?

rojo's avatar

So, whether you like him is less important than if other people like him?

Seems like a little, I don’t know, odd?

Try having a little more confidence in yourself and your own instincts.

Bill1939's avatar

I am one of those people who others find off-putting. Most, when they get to know me, like me, but some can take or leave me, and a few hate it when I’m around. Your drummer friend might be like me. Others may tell you why they don’t care for him, but unless they identify some potential physical or emotional risk you would be taking should you try to develop a friendship with him, you should go for it.

zenvelo's avatar

He didn’t ask them out, he asked you out! And you like him, so be open to things that you like coming into your life.

And if I were you I’d call him today and tell him you were nervous about saying yes but you’d like to go out with him if the offer is still open.

My biggest regrets in life are from not saying yes when I had a chance. “Staying safe” really means staying stuck in whatever you’re in.

Valerie111's avatar

If you like him and he likes you, you should have said yes. Now it’s your turn to ask him out.

Kardamom's avatar

I think it partly depends upon why the others don’t like him. Do they think he’s a player? Is he rude, does he treat other people coldly? Does he he have a track record of being a heart breaker? Does he do drugs? Is he a liar? Does he steal? Those are very good reasons not to like someone, and if he’s like that, then it’s a good thing you turned him down.

On the other hand, if he’s none of the bad things on the above list, but your friends just think he’s ugly or boring or shy, those are just preferences on their part. If you think he’s cute and nice and funny (and does not have any of the bad qualities from the first list) then you might give him a chance.

Ask yourself these 2 questions. What do you know about him (his qualities)? And them, What do you think about him (your own preferences)? If he’s a good guy and you are attracted to him, then give it a go?

If he’s a bad boy, and you are still are attracted to him, don’t go down that road, you’ll only end up getting hurt.

It’s all about checks and balances.

creative1's avatar

When it comes to dating and your personal life you need to be the one who makes the decision on who to go on a date with and not rely on your friends to make that decision for you because you may end up missing out on someone who was a great fit for you even if they didn’t like him, they aren’t the ones who have to be in the relationship with them. So I let my own mind make the decision when it comes to dating. So in my opinion if you like him and he asked you out then yes you made a mistake. If you were iffy about the guy and didn’t know if you liked him or not then let the friends help you out.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Look at your parents, neighbors, whatever married people you know. Do all of them like their spouse’s friends, and vice versa? Certainly not. If you dated only the same guy all your friends liked, then it would be a harem, not a date. How do they get to be the experts? Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps you are the very best guy picker of your group.
(It beats being the best nose picker of the group) Sorry, couldn’t pass up that one.
I agree that if nothing about him personally sets off any alarms, you should give it a go.
You know, you’re not the only one who can pretend not to like a guy. Maybe one or two of your friends actually wishes he would ask THEM out.

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