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chelle21689's avatar

How would you feel if your partner kept secrets from you for his friends?

Asked by chelle21689 (5212 points ) January 1st, 2014

The past week my boyfriend kept disappearing a couple times saying there was a urgent meeting for his boys (his group of friends). I asked what for and he said it was top secret but it’s a good secret. I thought it had to be someone getting married but I didn’t know who.

Anyways the girlfriends/wives weren’t allowed to know the secret either. Yesterday when the ball dropped, all the guys took off the shirts and lined up with shirts underneath their clothes that spelled “Will you marry me?” for his friend’s girlfriend. It was so sweet and I teared up. Later it turned out that ALL the guys ended up telling their wives and girlfriends the secret and everyone knew on it except me.

I was the only one that didn’t know and all the girls played along with me pretending they didn’t know what it was. Keep in mind none of the girls knew that any of the other girls knew because they kept it a secret too. I felt some type of way, not angry but I guess a little jealous that their men were close enough to them to not keep any type of secret from them and my MAN was the only one that did. I guess it can be seen as a good thing he knows how to keep it a secret but I just hate the fact I bugged him to know why he kept disappearing off and he wouldn’t tell me exactly why when all the other girls had their men tell them. How would you feel? A little bit jealous that the other girls had their men trust them enough? I’m not making it an issue in my relationship but just curious to know what ya’ll think lol

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23 Answers

glacial's avatar

I think you got the good one. :)

chelle21689's avatar

Looks like Japan is out of the plans for now, Hawaii big bachelor/bachelorette party next year. Would love to go to Hawaii too it’s on my list! lol

Coloma's avatar

He kept the secret, that shows integrity and just because someone is part of a couple doesn’t mean you are entitled to know every little thing. I think his loyalty is admirable.

JLeslie's avatar

If I promise to tell no one including my husband I tell nobody. Otherwise, I tell my husband everything. I make a point to ask if it is ok to tell my husband when someone tells me a secret. When I tell a friend a secret I let them know if it is ok to tell their spouse. If he had promised to tell nobody including you, you have the guy who can keep a secret, who you can trust. I think that is good.

My mom used to say if you want no one to know, tell no one. This statement is basically true, because one breach of a secret and it can travel like wildfire, people kept the surprise a secret, because it was not gossip. When it can be something people would find gossipy, it is more likely to be told.

johnpowell's avatar

I wouldn’t over-think this. It isn’t like he was hiding a affair.

Edit :: Another thing. When I share secrets it is usually because I have nothing else to talk about. Those other couple might not trust more. They just have nothing else to talk about.

marinelife's avatar

It depends on some things.

What were the others’ relationships like?

If I were you, I would just be happy that your boyfriend can keep a secret. That he honors friends’ confidences.

You didn’t need to know, and he didn’t tell you.

Let it go.

chyna's avatar

Maybe he was afraid you would tell, so he didn’t tell you.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

You hit the jackpot when you met your boyfriend. Trustworthy people, with character and integrity, know the importance of keeping secrets and safeguarding confidences. When it’s your turn to rely on your boyfriend’s discretion, he’ll treat you the same way.

johnpowell's avatar

“It was so sweet and I teared up.”

Would that have been your reaction if your knew in advance? Maybe he did you a favor.

filmfann's avatar

Sounds like he will keep your secrets. You got a winner.

gailcalled's avatar

This, in and of itself, is objectively reasonable although it does seemed to have bothered you. If you factor in other issues in the relatioship, such as this from a week ago, you are troubled.

chelle21689's avatar

@gailcalled, don’t look too much into it. I’m not saying it’s an issue in my relationship. That’s one reason why I kinda feel like maybe I shouldn’t ask my questions with my wandering mind or else people will think there’s something wrong with me. I’m a curious person, I will ask ANYTHING that just happens to be on my mind and interested in opinions. Don’t think it’s because I’m distraught and miserable in a relationship lol

I think about something for a while, could be minutes, days, or hours.. and then move on and will lhave a new thing to ponder about.

gailcalled's avatar

I am glad to hear that.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Relax. It shows he can be trusted. The other guys…. not so much. That will not go unnoticed.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Your boyfriend has shown that he can hold a confidence—a rarity in this entirely indiscreet, weak, Twittering society. Cherish this. The man has mettle.

Your previous post concerning electronic photos of you falls perfectly in line with the way a guy like this would respect your privacy. Good guy.

Seek's avatar

This is a big point:

You were aware he was keeping a secret.

“Sorry, honey, I just can’t tell you; it’s a secret. But don’t worry; it’s a good secret. You’ll know when it’s time.”

That is perfectly valid.

The bad secrets are the ones you’re not aware of at all until after the cat is out of the bag.

Smitha's avatar

Some secrets are best left unknown. In this case I won’t be hurt, your partner kept this a secret because he wanted to give you a surprise and you enjoyed it. Some secrets might not give out a good result if shared. Here if he had revealed it to you, would you be able to enjoy it ? Romance is built upon secrets and assumptions. After all this was a healthy secret!

Coloma's avatar

@Smitha What? “Romance is built upon secrets and assumptions.”

KNOWITALL's avatar

I’m with @LuckyGuy, it shows how healthy your relationship is that you DON’T have to tell each other every little thing.

I can see how it may hurt your feelings a little bit, but the fact that you trusted him to do something without FORCING him to tell you is a good thing and a good sign for your relationship. It would be interesting to see what the other guys said if they were questioned as to why they didn’t keep the secret, I bet their chicks were mad until they knew..lol

downtide's avatar

You have the best man out of the bunch; the only one who honours a confidence and can be trusted.

chelle21689's avatar

@KNOWITALL it’s funny, my sisters and other girls were like “Partners should tell everything.” and my guy cousins were like “he kept a secret for his boy!!”

The girls that knew about the secret said “You have to be scary!” LOL

JLeslie's avatar

Well, you have a bunch of girls here who think it is just fine he kept that secret.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@chelle21689 We can rise above our sexual stereotypes- lol

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