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SwanSwanHummingbird's avatar

Is this a place where it's ok to call someone stupid?

Asked by SwanSwanHummingbird (1254 points ) 3 months ago from iPhone

I thought this was a Q&A site with a bit of a social aspect. I didn’t expect that people would call me stupid or ignorant because they don’t agree with my answers. Do people here really assume they know each other well enough to say such things? That takes a lot of ego.

Can my answer be wrong and stupid to a question that asks an opinion? Do people asks questions as a soapbox or
as a way to offend others?

What is this site all about?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

47 Answers

whitenoise's avatar

Most stupids around here call out themselves…

We tend to not help them by making it explicit..

Even though I am sometimes tempted.

gailcalled's avatar

@SwanSwanHummingbird : Have you been called stupid or ignorant? If so, report the namecallers by flagging their answers. Personal attacks are not tolerated.

janbb's avatar

No, it’s not. We have mods to do that.

glacial's avatar

If someone has said something to you that you consider a personal attack, simply flag it and the mods will review it. You can’t prevent another person from typing something, but you can affect whether or not their comment stays there.

Seek's avatar

The above commenters have it right. I will point out that there is a difference between saying “You, sir, are stupid!” and “That was a pretty stupid thing to say”.

SwanSwanHummingbird's avatar

I feel attacked. The comment implied I lack intelligence and I didn’t have to worry about the NSA.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

We do have some, well, blunt and tactless Jellies who sometimes cross the line into rudeness. If someone’s inappropriately rude to me, I call-out the person. A less confrontational approach is to flag the comment for the moderator’s attention.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Here people have more cover to act stupid and Boorish themselves; they don’t have to look you in the eye to insult you. Part of it is that they couldn’t frame their argument so they got frustrated, then with no other weapons of potency, they insult you. Don’t fret, you were not the first person they lambasted and won’t be the last; in fact, been there, done that, so many times I stopped counting. Do not defraud yourself, this is far from Disneyland in spite of the smiling faces; a shank to the kidneys is never more than a sentence away.

Symbeline's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Truth. What I particularly despise is users who insult others by respecting the rules. Flying under the radar. As far as I’m concerned there isn’t much of a difference between ’‘your answers are always ignorant and there is no purpose for a person such as you in our society’’ and ’‘you’re a stupid motherfucker, go kill yourself’’.
This is why I have a hard time with people who put politeness above everything because it seems many of them think they can be mean to others as long as they don’t say some swear word. Like, it’s okay to be an asshole if you’re polite about it. Wtf.

I’m all for freedom of speech of course, thing is if someone is allowed to insult my intelligence with nice pretty words and use these to hurt me, I should be able to call someone a stupid motherfucker. Unfortunately there is no real way to bend the rules of Fluther for this, and I’m glad we have them, but it pisses me off when someone can be so mean and toxic to a user, yet nothing will be done because technically, they broke no rule. But if I call someone a bitch, I will be warned or punished. It would appear that civility has nothing on intent, nor does it respect equality. Superficial pipe dream is what it is.

Didn’t answer the question much, just wanted to comment on what @Hypocrisy_Central said. And I’m sure he knows all too well what I’m talking about, because he’s victim to quite a bit of abuse on here.

YARNLADY's avatar

I sometimes say “That is so stupid” when I see something on TV, but my grandsons always remind me that’s a bad word.

jonsblond's avatar

I agree with everything @Symbeline said.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

People can call you anything they want. That’s the bad thing about hiding behind a keyboard. You need a thick skin to deflect some of these comments. Don’t take them seriously, I’ve noticed the idiots are the one’s calling other’s stupid. If someone’s retort to someone is that’s stupid, that’s a real mature response. I let it roll off. Don’t let the loser’s drag you down.
Althought that Symbeline is a bit nuts.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@gailcalled @glacial What about ”dry insulting”, saying things that don’t use the actual words but imply beyond all shadow of doubt what it is? Bill says to Sadie, ”Women who usually have men problems like you are usually gold-digging skanks with no self-esteem”. He didn’t actually say, You are a gold-digging slut, that is why you have the trouble with men that you have. He did imply beyond all reasonable doubt, what he thought of her; the escape ”out” was that he said ”women who usually”. If flagged he can therefore say he was speaking in general and not about her even though by context of it she was front and center all over the comment. I see that happen quite often, 1st hand and while lurking in the shadows at others.

glacial's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I’m not a mod, so that’s not my call to make. I suspect that some of these are passed by mods, and some not. They’re not perfectly consistent, even if they try to be.

But I’m not impressed by people who use that kind of language here… as you well know.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

No rather go with moron!

SwanSwanHummingbird's avatar

Thanks. I rarely take things seriously, but I am surprised that insults or faux insults occur here. So far my experience on fluther has only been so-so. You have all made me feel better, though. Thanks again.

Oh! The insult was removed. That’s nice.

LilCosmo's avatar

I am not sure there are any places where it is ok to call someone stupid. I certainly hope that if such places do exist Fluther is not one of them. I do think that some folks think it is ok to play semantics and call someone’s ideas stupid. Which to my mind is really not that much different from calling the person stupid. Either way, I think it best to take things like that with a grain of salt because comments such as those are much more about the person saying them than the person they are directed toward.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

OK, here is a time and place it is OK to call someone stupid; if they just cleaned their firearm, loaded it, fired and nothing happened, then they look down the barrel and pull the trigger again to see if the bullet was stuck; that would be STUPID.

snowberry's avatar

@SwanSwanHummingbird We have a few people who are exceptional at staying just inside the mod’s guidelines, but still manage to rip people to shreds. You have my sympathy.

However, try to keep in mind that these idiots, while perhaps they are popular here (yes, some of them are quite popular), are deeply damaged human beings. Their verbal garbage has nothing to say about your character; rather it’s a reflection on their own.

Try looking at my profile. It’s how I handle name calling here. If someone calls me a name, I check my profile list. If it’s a new name, I thank them and tell them it’s now on my profile along with everyone else’s nasty names. If it’s already been used, I tell them it doesn’t count, and to look at my profile to come up with a better name.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@snowberry If someone calls me a name, I check my profile list. If it’s a new name, I thank them and tell them it’s now on my profile along with everyone else’s nasty names.
Wow, you clocked a couple I haven’t been called yet, that I remember. What can I trade you a misogynist, bigot, arrogant for?

ETpro's avatar

@snowberry I’m proud to be a part of your profile, and delighted you picked a debunking of belief equaling truth as the “insult” that qualified me to be included.

@SwanSwanHummingbird As so many others have said, direct personal attacks (ad hominems) are not allowed to stand. There is a vast difference, though, between attacking a person and attacking the logic they use to support an assertion. If you feel attacked, and are in doubt whether the attack centers on you as a person, or your assertion, flag it and let the moderators decide.

snowberry's avatar

@ETpro Oh, they’ve been allowed to stand many many times. At least half of the insults on my profile are still up. Some have been defended by not just many other jellies, but by several mods as well.

It’s all about which side you’re on. If you believe just like you’ve been told to here, you are relatively “safe”, but you can still expect the random flaming, which most likely will be removed by a mod if it’s flagged. If however, you don’t believe just like you’re told to (I’m neither atheist nor medically oriented), expect regular beatings.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^ If you believe just like you’ve been told to here, you are relatively “safe”, but you can still expect the random flaming, which most likely will be removed by a mod if it’s flagged.
Kevlar suits sometimes help, there is not so much flaming as a good rousing flogging with a cat-o-nine tails, can’t you eel the flesh beibg stripped off already~

gailcalled's avatar

@Coloma passed this on recently. FWIW. I am only the messenger.

“If one person says you’re a donkey, ignore him. if 10 people say you’re a donkey, buy a saddle.”

ETpro's avatar

@snowberry I would just add that truth is not determined by a popularity contest any more than it is by our personal beliefs. If truth were subject to popularity contests or beliefs, the Earth would still be flat, and the Sun would go around it once every 24 hours.

If you are sure your ideas and assertions are solid, then let flamers blast away. But for just a second, it’s wise to reflect on whether they are right or not.

jerv's avatar

It’s a bit tricky telling teh intentional insults from someone just being blunt to the point of tactlessness. I myself tend to rub those who don’t know me the wrong way, since I am critical in a way that comes across as derisive and arrogant, but I generally try to attack a person’s position in a discussion rather than the person themselves when I disagree. I don’t always succeed, but I try.

@ETpro… and Evolution wouldn’t exist since the majority of Americans don’t beleive in it, and nobody else’s opinions mattter.

snowberry's avatar

@ETpro Thank you. Of course it’s inconceivable to you or any atheist here that anyone could be presented with such a question and not come to your desired conclusion (I refer you to my above comment). Which is how I managed to acquire such creative nasty names. “If only she’d just think! There must be something wrong with her. She’s clearly irrational, or stupid, or _______.”

To me it’s about what’s important. I’d much prefer to listen to what God tells me than what any mere man (sorry) tells me. If you don’t like it, well, find a good insult to apply, but make sure it’s original, or it doesn’t count!

ETpro's avatar

@jerv How true.

@snowberry For the longest time, I held the same view as you. I was a very dedicated Christian. I did not let go of that easily, and I thus totally understand how someone else might still come to the same conclusion I once held to be the absolute truth.

I would write more, but your second paragraph tells me it would be a waste of words.

snowberry's avatar

You know, part of the reason I like it here is because not everyone thinks exactly alike (or at least I don’t, anyway). Why do you think it’s necessary to convert me to think just like you do? How boring! That’s really not any different than proselytizing, which is so hated here.

Wouldn’t you rather just be friends?

Pachy's avatar

I think you’re stupid for asking this question.

I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like hearing that in person, so would your reading it here be any better? And if not, why would you want to write it?

There are all sorts of kinder, more respectful ways to express your disagreement online.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@SwanSwanHummingbird A few years ago, I was a frequent Fluther participant under a different moniker. I got attacked so badly by someone, I decided to terminate my registration and stay away for a while. I tried to deal with the situation openly, in a message post, and quietly, by PM. I got nothing back except irrational rants calling me “stupid” and “weird.”

Sadly, such people do show up here. Fortunately, most of us are nothing like that.

It’s helpful to remember that we have no idea whether we’re communicating with grown adults or young, immature children. It’s also good to remember that it’s impossible to reason with someone who’s irrational, or to teach decent behavior to someone who’s uncivilized.

talljasperman's avatar

Can I say that someone is double plus un-good? 1984 George Orwell.

LilCosmo's avatar

@SadieMartinPaul do you mind sharing whether this person is still around?

KNOWITALL's avatar

We have some very rude people here but some are really cool. Just be you & stand up for yourself. mean people suck.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

No one deserves to be called stupid. Intelligent people engage in discourse, stupid jerks engage in name calling.

ETpro's avatar

@snowberry But this is a Q&A site, a place for debate. It isn’t a mutual admiration society, and I frankly doubt it last long if it were.

jonsblond's avatar

I don’t expect a debate when I ask questions @ETpro. I want individual answers to the question I ask, not people arguing and debating against each other. This is the reason why I ask most of my questions in the general category.

We don’t all come here for the same reason. I know many people who have left due to the rudeness here. (I leave at times because it gets tiresome and depressing.)

ETpro's avatar

@jonsblond I think it depends greatly on the question. If you ask for a question with just one correct answer (What is 5°C in Fahrenheit) , you could probably get it resolved via a search. So truth told, most questions have some level of debate involved in their answers. Even answers to general questions are subject to debate. Is Linux, iOS7 or WIn8 the best OS. General question. Absolutely subject to debate.

Anyone leaving Fluther because it is too rude is in the wrong venue altogether. Fluther is so much kinder and gentler than the Internet in general. And many that left did so because rudeness, in their book, meant they weren’t allowed to dictate their beliefs and prejudices to others. So rude to deny them their pet pleasure. How dare anyone disagree?

whitenoise's avatar

@ETpro I agree with that…

jonsblond's avatar

And many that left did so because rudeness, in their book, meant they weren’t allowed to dictate their beliefs and prejudices to others.

Again, we are not all here for debating, so that doesn’t ring true for all.

ETpro's avatar

@jonsblond And you’re debating whether we are here for debating, and taking the side that you are not! What’s wrong with this picture?

I know you well enough to know you can be self actualized. Participate in the threads or discussions you are here for, and stay out of those you dislike. What’s the problem? Is it everyone else’s job to make sure you’re secure in your own beliefs and preferences? I don’t think so, and I don’t even think you think so.

snowberry's avatar

@ETpro Ah I see. Some people are automatically earmarked for conversion, while others aren’t LOL.

syz's avatar

The moderators do a good job of keeping things under control as long as users remember to flag issues (moderators do not read every line of text that appears on this site).

Alternatively, it is the internet. Compared to 99% of the rest of the internet, Fluther is a bastion of warmth and civility. If you’ve got thin skin, then the internet may not be the place for you.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

We don’t all come here for the same reason. I know many people who have left due to the rudeness here. (I leave at times because it gets tiresome and depressing.)
Here, here! Lurve that! Yet some people still refuse to believe that, go figure?

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@LilCosmo I’d be happy to say whether the person’s still here, but I honestly can’t remember her moniker. The incident happened a few years ago, and it wasn’t all that significant in my life; I promptly forgot the details.

My guess is that she’s no longer here. She was a young adult who had nothing especially interesting to say and liked to express herself with the eff-word. I don’t think she felt at home among the Jellies.

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